President Trump Tells Harvard University It Better Return The $9 Milllion Emergency Relief Check Within 48 Hours

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 24 April 2020

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President Trump has said that if Harvard does not return the full $9 million, he will shut it down.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House insiders say that the president is fit to be tied over the fact that Harvard University received a huge government check.

When he first learned about the money given to one of the wealthiest universities in the world, an unnamed staffer said that POTUS fired off a barrage of invectives that would make sailors blush.

He said that Harvard needs a government handout about as much as Dolly Parton needs breast implants.

Trump got on the phone and called up the university’s Vice Assistant Dean, Sharona de Gaulle. He told her that he wants the school to return the $9 million immediately.

Mrs. De Gaulle said that the money could not be returned under the schools “No backs” collegiate clause.

At that point, Trump threw down the phone and instructed his assistant, Kellyanne Conway, to write up a letter to the college president telling him that he better return the full $9 million within 48 hours.

He then told her to add that, if the entire amount is not returned, he will send in the National Guard and they will shut down the school, plus they’ll be hit with a $9.1 million fine.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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