Man Ordered Family Out On Military Manouevres

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 24 April 2020

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Waiting to ambush the kids

The patience of a man who has been 'champing at the bit' to get out of his house and do something during the Coronavirus lockdown, finally snapped yesterday, when he ordered his family into 'battle fatigues', and led them on a military-style march through the Cambodian countryside.

Moys Kenwood, 56, has been cooped-up in his house since mid-March, and decided a different kind of march was what was required.

The idler, his wife, and their two children piled onto their motorbike and set off for the remote rice fields, punctuated by the odd clump of trees, which provide shelter from the blisteringly-hot, roasting sun.

Alighting at a particularly quiet spot, the group laid their basketware mat on the floor so they wouldn't get their clothes dirty, and took out the sandwiches, crisps, crackers, biscuits and orange juice they'd brought along with them. There was also some fruit.

Kenwood and his children then partook of some army-style shit, such as hiding behind trees, running over the hard-baked ground as if on a mission, firing at each other with wooden sticks that were supposed to be guns, falling over and commando-rolling whilst talking like Americans, and, occasionally, pretending to be dead.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Kenwood watched the combat from a safe distance.

Eventually, they tired, and sat down. They talked and laughed, and laughed and talked, until the excessive heat and full tummies began to get the better of them, and they slept.

When they woke, according to Sgt. Major Kenwood, it was dark and spooky. Dogs were howling somewhere nearby. The platoon felt rather anxious, so Mrs. Kenwood took them all home for a bath, their tea, and then bed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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