Man buys fish
An unidentified man was seen walking into a shop this week, whereupon he bought a fish. The man, dressed in a grey hoodie top, blue jeans and dark brown leather shoes, was observed at approximately 7pm on Saturday 23rd October, entering the shop...
Read full storyRegime change handbook on Venezuela found in Marco Rubio’s trash by garbage truck sleuths
Breaking: A new surveillance op is underway in the US via the garbage truck industry (“Streamline Disposal! We’ve Got Your Crap! Inc.”). All trash is now routinely scanned, sniffed, linked, filed, and joined to facial recognition software at a cus...
Read full storyMan has sex sessions with own wife
Police are probing the alleged cover-up of a man suspected of having sex with his own wife for more than thirty years. Special constables have received reports that Mr James Rum P. Pumpi, 53, and his wife Edith Rum P. Pumpi, 51, from Carlisle, ha...
Read full storyDaniel Craig has one sugar in tea
Exclusive today, we come to you with a report that Daniel Craig, known for his portrayal of Bond, has recently made sweeping changes to his entire life. “I can’t understand it” reported his wife Rachel Weisz. “Before now, he has always had two su...
Read full storyAn Oscar For Donald Trump?
What? Isn't Donald Trump getting an Oscar for his presidential performance for the last two years? But he was so lovely to Putin, Kim Jung-un, the oligarchs, Julian Assange, Erdogan, and the Nazis. Trump failed to win the popular vote for a nomina...
Read full storyWhere are they now? Forbes Phillipson-Masters, Southampton Footballer
Actually, that's Forbes Ernest Phillipson-Masters, probably the poshest footballer name ever. Eat your hearts out, Jadons and Jermaines. Phillipson-Masters was born in Bournemouth, and originally signed with Southampton as an apprentice goalkeeper...
Read full storyRSPCA Calls for Government Action on Spanking the Monkey
"It's a cruel and unnecessary practice, and we need to get a grip on it," said Mr Eric J. Throbbing-Gristle, Chief Inspector of The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. "I am talking about the passion for monkey spanking as exhibit...
Read full storyMan Did Sudoku During Bangkok School's Award Ceremony
A teacher invited to a Bangkok school's award ceremony for the sole purpose of being a 'foreign specimen' with which students' parents could satisfy themselves their children were getting a 'good education', completed Sudoku puzzles during it. Mo...
Read full storyRobinson Crusoe duck dies of a broken heart and loneliness!
A desert island duck who abandoned a normal ducks life, swimming in ponds, lakes and rivers like all normal ducks do, has died. Not a Donald Duck or Ducky Doo Daa, just plain old Trevor Duck, who decided to grab a flight to a lonely South Sea Isla...
Read full storyWho Will Shoot Trump?
The unspoken question that has been on the minds of most Americans for two years - who will shoot Trump? - has finally been answered. Fox Films announced today that "Trump," the "bigger than blockbuster" biography of President Donald Trump, will...
Read full storyNew York Diner Arrested For Sexual Harassment, After Tipping Waitress
A male diner at a top New York restaurant was in trouble with the police this evening, after handsomely tipping a waitress who had served him. Stephen Douglas, 36, and his business colleague, Bob Mount, 42, had visited the restaurant to talk over...
Read full storyPrince Philip Seen Driving Brand New Ferrari
Windsor Castle, UK Just a few weeks after his auto accident in which a woman suffered a broken arm when Prince Philip said he had the sun in his eyes and hit the car she was in, he was seen driving a brand new, red Ferrari. Prince Philip sent the...
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