Man has sex sessions with own wife

Written by Loz Charles

Monday, 28 January 2019

Police are probing the alleged cover-up of a man suspected of having sex with his own wife for more than thirty years.

Special constables have received reports that Mr James Rum P. Pumpi, 53, and his wife Edith Rum P. Pumpi, 51, from Carlisle, have been using Friday evenings for their once-a-week sordid sin fest.

Neighbours accounts emerged only in the last month.

"We are shocked that such things are happening in our street" stated a lady living opposite. "When the first child appeared, our worst fears were confirmed."

“Then came more! Surely this is evidence enough!” complained Mrs E. Gunter, from number twenty three, winner of the curtain-twitching championships 1997.

Historical evidence has materialised concerning several curtain movements that occur each Friday night. Experts analysing data in the case, refer to the known presence of nightwear, the lights going out at intervals, and a suspicious quietness on Friday nights. Officers are unable to comment at this time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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