Who Will Shoot Trump?

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Monday, 28 January 2019

The unspoken question that has been on the minds of most Americans for two years - who will shoot Trump? - has finally been answered.

Fox Films announced today that "Trump," the "bigger than blockbuster" biography of President Donald Trump, will begin shooting on location in Florida and New York in March. Scheduled for release on Christmas Day, this will be the first major film production undertaken since Fox was acquired by Disney.

Seen as a prologue to Trump's re-election campaign in 2020, the film will feature a non-actor, to be chosen in a nationwide search in February.

"We're looking for someone from Trump's base to play the president," a Fox spokesman said. "We want a guy with a high school education - diploma or not. He's got to work with his hands in a stand-up job, who speaks Midland American English, and he's got to look mean, at least part of the time. Viewers have got to see him as "one of us." That's why a college grad who speaks impeccable English won't do."

Critics from Spoiled Spuds, who have seen a pirated version of the script written by Steve Bannon, anticipate a film that will rate a full 10 on the putrid veggie scale.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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