Written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 28 January 2019

image for An Oscar For Donald Trump?
"No wall! Ole! Gentlemen, start your taco truck engines."

What? Isn't Donald Trump getting an Oscar for his presidential performance for the last two years? But he was so lovely to Putin, Kim Jung-un, the oligarchs, Julian Assange, Erdogan, and the Nazis.

Trump failed to win the popular vote for a nomination, and there wasn’t an Electoral College to gummy up the results and catapult him over the top.

“That’s another example of fake news. Many, many people got in touch with me in the past few days saying they voted for me and that I was the winner.”

The Award board insisted Trump wasn’t nominated. However, the nominees for the best acting role as president or head of anything were: Prime Minister Theresa May of the United Kingdom, a gal who can kick like a horse. President Emmanuel Macron of France, se se bon. Former President Barak Obama, the guy is still presidential even while kitesurfing. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Roger Federer…”

“Federer isn’t even a politician.”

Trump was assured that Federer demonstrated presidential style, spoke several languages and had great hair.

The Oscar winner for the most presidential performance of a person in public life was Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

“%#*&%#?+*&$%#@!”

Nominated for greatest mystery in government were: The Mueller Investigation into the 2016 election; The Russian oligarchs' contribution to the 2016 election; Putin’s role in the 2016 election; Julian Assange Wikileaks contribution to the 2016 election; and Donald Trump’s overcoat.

The overcoat? Why does Trump wear the overcoat indoors and out on a hot day?

The winner of the greatest government mystery was the overcoat. All the judges unanimously agreed that while all of the nominees screwed up the 2016 election, (a given) the overcoat remained a mystery. And it’s never buttoned.

Nominated for original spoken words were: Alternative facts; Truth is not truth; My taxes are being audited; Nazis are good people, too.

Though memorable, there wasn’t a winner for original spoken word, as each of the examples had no value, truth or legitimacy in the American lexicon.

Finally, the award for the greatest fiasco since the 2016 election: The Wall.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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