All Foreign Born Premier League Footballers Required to Leave England in New Brexit Deal
London - A new Brexit Deal offered up by Prime Minister Theresa May would require all expat Premier League participants to leave their England and Wales-based squads for other clubs in Europe, the Americas and China, and require all British players t...
Read full storyWilliam Barr Issues New 4-Page Summaries Exonerating "Aunt Becky" Actress Lori Loughlin and R. Kelly of All Crimes
Washington - After meeting with President Trump, Attorney General William Barr has issued brief 4-page summaries which direct the appropriate law enforcement jurisdictions in the cases of Lori Loughlin, who played Aunt Becky in "Full House", and rapp...
Read full storyMueller Report Released, With Redactions
Anticipation is building towards the release of Robert Mueller’s report on interaction between the Donald Trump campaign and Russia. Will the report show collusion between the future president and a hostile foreign power? Many Democrats believe so, w...
Read full storyNobody Can Quite Believe Tiger Woods Has Won The Augusta Masters!
It was the stuff of fairytales, for sure, as Tiger Woods came back from years in the golfing wilderness after crippling back injuries, to beat all the odds that were stacked against him, and come out on top in the 2019 US Masters at Augusta on Sunday...
Read full storyCommercials Criticized for Becoming Overly Commercialized
"We've totally lost the art of psychological manipulation," said former advertising executive Harvey Partridge, bemoaning the deterioration of commercial advertising. "These days, it's all about selling something. I just didn't feel good about it any...
Read full storyMan Slacking At Work Told To Pull His Finger Out
A worker at a top global telecommunications company had let his productive side slip to such an extent, that, once his supervisor realised just what was going on, he was told to: "pull your finger out!" The instruction was barked at Richard Wil...
Read full storyGame Of Thrones Fans Threaten To Kill Themselves If A Ninth Series Is Not Made
The HBO series 'Game Of Thrones' entered its eighth and final series in the early hours of this morning, amidst cries from thousands of devoted fans that they will kill themselves if the show does not appear for a ninth season. The show first appe...
Read full storyValerie Thighborg challenges Assange accuser “Miss W” to big wrestling match at Wembley Stadium
Breaking: Miss Valerie Thighborg, formerly a Swedish prosecutor on the Assange case, has invited his accuser “Miss W” to “fight it out” at Wembley and “decide the matter.” Miss W is reported possibly re-opening her case against Assange. The other...
Read full storyMan Who Listened To Kraftwerk Song Can't Get It Out Of His Mind
A man who was listening to music through the YouTube channel on his computer, inadvertently stumbled upon a song by the German electronic synthesizer pioneers, Kraftwerk, and now can't get the tune out of his head! The song, 'Computer Love' (1981)...
Read full storyRound the world dog swimmer loses its way!
After setting off from San Francisco, a round the world dog swimmer, heading towards Japan, got swept off its course and was knackered after fighting off great whites, Portuguese-man-of war jelly fish (what the F are they doing in the Pacific??) and,...
Read full storyShrdlu Enters Presidential Race; Releases 65 Years of Taxes
Ottawa, Canada. Not since Eugene Debs polled a million votes for president while in a federal prison in 1920 has any candidate entered the race in a more dramatic fashion that Etaoin Shrdlu. Today he announced his candidacy for the Democratic presid...
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