Written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 16 April 2019

image for Valerie Thighborg challenges Assange accuser “Miss W” to big wrestling match at Wembley Stadium
Valerie Thighborg to return to London once again in support of Julian Assange

Breaking: Miss Valerie Thighborg, formerly a Swedish prosecutor on the Assange case, has invited his accuser “Miss W” to “fight it out” at Wembley and “decide the matter.”

Miss W is reported possibly re-opening her case against Assange. The other complainant, a Miss A, has dropped her charges.

At the time of the alleged incidents nearly ten years ago in Sweden, both women were reported continuing to party with Assange afterwards.

Miss Thighborg first came to London to investigate Mr. Assange in 2013.

She then quit the prosecutor’s office to become one of Mr. Assange’s ardent supporters (recorded in these pages).

“Mr. Assangee,” she has stated repeatedly, “ees not guilty of nothink. It ees how you say frame-up!”

The proposed match at Wembley will include wrestling--plus kicking, slamming, strangling, hair-pulling.

In Miss W’s corner will be handlers Hillary Clinton and Senator Manchin (of “[Assange is] our property now” fame).

Miss Thighborg will be assisted by Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez and Tucker Carlson.

The referee (based on his many years of expertise with the wrestling ring) will be Donald Trump.

In background, Miss W invited Mr. Assange to use her apartment while she was going to be away for some time.

She then returned unexpectedly and shared the only bed available.

The specific nature of the issue is whether Mr. Assange’s took advantage of Miss W during the middle of the night.

Mr. Assange is alleged to have turned toward the soundly sleeping Miss W and sought entry into an as yet undisclosed area without pausing to don a precaution.

Miss W awakened yawning next morning with, “Are you done yet?”

Then, to her horror finding no apparatus cloaking Mr. Assange’s appendage, she hurried into a “second degree rape” suit.

The mainstream press today calls all this action "sexual violence" on the part of Assange.

Miss Thighborg has weighed in on this matter.

“Yes, and zo, darleeng, we are suppose to beleeff this voman was sleeping so soundly she knew nothink, not a think! Okay?"

"Not one murmur. Like corpse, you know, entire time!"

"And it ees her bed! She invite him, but she zooo sleepy!!! Yah, and peegs I believe do fly . . .”

Wembley Stadium is reporting masssive sales already, despite high prices due to the special nature of this event.

Mr. Trump has responded:

“Look, I’m neutral on this matter and it’s not my thing. So it will be frankly a little vacation for me to referee this match!”

“You know, get it decided by a little physical struggle and brutality! Okay?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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