Written by Jaki Treehorn

Tuesday, 16 April 2019

image for William Barr Issues New 4-Page Summaries Exonerating "Aunt Becky" Actress Lori Loughlin and R. Kelly of All Crimes
Trump has Ordered Barr to Free Aunt Becky

Washington - After meeting with President Trump, Attorney General William Barr has issued brief 4-page summaries which direct the appropriate law enforcement jurisdictions in the cases of Lori Loughlin, who played Aunt Becky in "Full House", and rapper R. Kelly, to drop their cases against the celebrities.

When pressed by House Judiciary Committee members and representatives of CNN at a news brief, Barr said he would offer redacted versions of the evidence against the pair. He expected the redactions to be quite extensive, as he was required to remove any actual evidence, since they were no longer under indictment, for fear it would bias the public against them.

"We love Barr, he moves fast," said Trump, and lawyers for Loughlin and Kelly.

"We need to stop the fake news and treasonous House Dems from harassing famous people," added Trump.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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