Travolta Stops Fight Between Bullock And Blanchet
John Travolta says that calling Idina Menzel 'Adele Dazeem' at Oscars was a disaster. "I've been beating myself up ever since," he told me in an exclusive interview. But it turns out that the aging star, who has been the object of ridicule for his...
Read full storyWilliam Hague Negotiator Supreme gets amnesty on overdue library books in Kiev
William Hague, Robin to Thatcher's gender bending "Batman" has secured a deal with Vladimir Putin to forget library book fines in Crimea and Ukraine and incorporate them into student loans from January 2015. The deal which caused an emergency mee...
Read full storyPutin spends entire time during Ukraine peace talks, sharpening stick with knife
They were supposed to be the talks to bring peace to tensions between Ukraine and Russia after months of protests and aggressive sound bites from both countries. However Russian leader Vladimir Putin seemed to be in no mood to listen to compromises f...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Says She Wants To Date Edgar Martirosyan, The World's Most Famous Pizza Delivery Man
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Lindsay Lohan stated that she was watching the Academy Awards Show at her home when suddenly she saw a man whom she said she was fascinated with. Lohan is talking about Edgar Martirosyan, the pizza delivery man who delivered 3 pi...
Read full storyHillary Sends Washington Into Tailspin
Washington DC (STT News) - Potential presidential candidate and former First Lady, Hillary Clinton, has come out with guns blazing on the subject of Russia's move into Ukraine. In her words, she compared Putin's move into the Crimea like Hitler's int...
Read full storyKate Middleton Using Craigslist for Royal Palace Furnishings
London, EN Kate Middleton, future queen of England, who recently used Craigslist to find a new nanny for Prince George, has been taking advantage of Craigslist to bargain-hunt for furnishings for the various royal palaces. As of last week, she has purchased: -382 sets of drapes for Buckingham Palace and some kilts for Balmoral. -A new love seat, French Provincial chairs, and a few Queen...
Read full storyPutin Suffers Gash On Face From Cossacks
Members of Pussy Riot, particularly Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina, were brutally whipped, sprayed and beaten by Cossacks representing Russian President Valdimir Putin at the Sochi Olympic Games. These same Cossacks have been rewarded...
Read full storyU.S. Special Forces Command Deploys Sports Illustrated Bikini Unit with Great Impact
Crimea- Through a Top Secret Ops mission, U.S. Special Forces struck a blow for Ukrainian sovereignty by landing a superbly-equipped bikini unit, composed of current and past Sports Illustrated models. It took literally no time at all for the Russ...
Read full storyUkrainian chum nominates Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin for 2014 No Balls Piss Prize
Oslo, Norway - Ousted former Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych is thought to be the proposer nominating Russia's man of steal for a bold showing of military farce in the Crimea ahead of Friday's Paralympic Winter Games. The prestigious annual...
Read full storyPresident Obama Tells Russian President Putin: Vlady, We Ain't Buying No More of Your Vodka!
CLEVELAND - The Battle of The Economic Sanctions between the USA and Russia has escalated yet another step. President Obama speaking in Cleveland in front of a convention for The Retired Tugboat Captains of Lake Erie was asked about the ongoing me...
Read full storyKerry and McCain duet to perform The Nuland Concerto on Ukraine crisis with Yats (possibly) on harmonica
The latest diplomatic effort from the US on the crisis in Ukraine will feature a stage performance in Kiev. This effort will be dedicated to the new government forming there under the leadership of Mr. Yatsenyuk (aka "Yats"). The US has catego...
Read full storyKobe Bryant Hints That Whenever He Retires From Basketball He May Run For Mayor of Los Angeles
LOS ANGELES - Sports Balls Illustrated Daily has just broken the story regarding Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant's political aspirations. Rufus Reno with SBID said that he talked with Kobe and he sounded upbeat considering that he is in v...
Read full storySelena Gomez Says Justin Bieber Is Nothing But History To Her
LOS ANGELES - There are reports floating around LaLaLand that Justin Bieber is hoping that Selena Gomez will agree to get back together with him. A close friend of Bieber's stated that it is really all just a ploy by the Biebs in order to try and...
Read full storyPamela Anderson States That She Was Twerking When Miley Cyrus Was Just A Fetus
MALIBU BEACH - Former Baywatch beach babe Pamela Anderson shakes her head and cannot figure out what the fuss about Miley Cyrus is all about. The blonde bombshell recently spoke with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight at a Burger Bandit in Mal...
Read full storyBreakfast At Tiffanys - by Truman Capote
A HUNDRED times better than Breakfast at IHOP, Breakfast at Denny's and the ill-advised Breakfast at Waffle House ( the one of the I-95 near Brunswick, GA) - Really? A grumpy waitress, overcooked eggs, and my waffle had certainly seen better days! Also, the bathroom was filthy, a message to the toilet pig...please flush! I would recommend Breakfast at Tiffany's over all these other places,...
Read full storyBook Review - Little Men by Louisa May Alcott
This is not a book about a group of male dwarfs living in a converted barn in Ohio. That book has not yet been written. Nor, will it probably ever will. If you can get over that fact and move on, and if like me by Chapter 8, realize that this is nothing to do with lumberjacking midgets or a fetish sex ring in the Northern United States then you may find yourself liking this book. Or if y...
Read full storyBook Review - All The Presidents Men by Carl Bernstein
I am sorry, but I make no apologies for this review. Admittedly I did not read the blurb about this book and bought it based solely on the title, so maybe I have myself to blame. I was hoping for a juicy homo-erotic quick read about a gay President and his long line of secret male lovers. I envisaged a President who seduces a White House intern, beds a General and embarks on an affair with...
Read full storyPreviously Unrecognized Benefits of Tobacco Smoking
Cigarettes are generally considered bad for you. But here are a few things that may cast the practice in a slightly different light. !.) Smokers get outside, away from their desks and computer screens several times per day. Since smoking is disallowed in virtually every workplace, restaurant, bar, or public building, smokers are forced out into the great outdoors. Although they are unable...
Read full storyFormer President inaugurates Clinton Leadership Institute at IRA University
Shergar, County Louse - Global Piss Process luminary Bill Clinton has opened a new college within Ireland's top postgraduate terrorism school in a dedication ceremony tarred and feathered - uh, marred! - by heckling. The former US president said h...
Read full storyOsbourne Suffers Whiplash
Chancellor of the not-only-English Exchequer George Osbourne has suffered a severe bout of whiplash, courtesy of his considerably hard neck. It is believed it ocurred when insisting that an Independent Scotland would not be allowed to use the Poun...
Read full storySay Goodbye to Meat and Cheese
Los Angeles, CA (STT News) - People of the world - learn to like bugs. That's the message recently released by Dr. Falter O. Longer, director of the USC's Elitist Longevity Institute. The study by the institute states clearly that things like meat,...
Read full storyFrench bring 30,000-year-old giant virus back to life, gives world another reason to hate the French
AIX-MARSEILLE, France - Researchers at the University of Aix-Marseille have revived a virus that had lain dormant in Siberian permafrost for the past 30,000 years. Asked why they had thawed out and revived such a potentially dangerous virus, resea...
Read full storyArizona Bans Girl Scout Cookies
PHOENIX - Governor Jan Brewer recently held a press conference where she announced that she is tired of the national news media making her out to be a She-Devil. The governor said that nothing could be farther from the truth and if anyone does not...
Read full storyThe Dance "The Robot" Has Just Become The Number One Dance At 9 Out of 10 Senior Citizen Homes
TOPEKA, Kansas - Word coming out of the Midwest is that the residents of old folks homes have just embraced a new favorite dance. Cressida Guava, 49, a representative with AARP stated that up until recently The Hokey Pokey was the best liked dance...
Read full storyDoctors Are Thrilled With The Brand New iCamera 9000
CHICAGO - The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has just announced an exciting new breakthrough in the medical world. The Apricot Company which is based in Tarzana, California has just placed on the market the new iCamera 9000. A spokesperson f...
Read full storyPutin Sets World Record For Quickest Change Of Face In Political History
Vladimir (the Vampire ) Putin, still glowing from the success of the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, has suddenly had to show his darker side of the Force by invading and taking over the Crimea, a vital peninsula of his supposed ally Ukraine.
Read full storyItaly Outlaws The Use of The Word Mafia
ROME - Pasquale Pettigolezzo, a reporter with The Daily Vino has just stated that Italy has passed a law that it says it should have passed years ago. Pettigolezzo said that the Italian Senate voted unanimously to ban the use of the word Mafia.
Read full storyBook Review - The Last of The Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper
Sorry - but even though I enjoyed this book - the author has made a HUGE mistake by claiming that the main character was "The Last of the Mohicans". In future he should do his research before making wild and ridiculous statements that can be pounced on by a discerning Twat, such as me. Why, only yesterday, at the mall, I saw several kids with Mohican styled haircuts lurking around the food...
Read full storyBook Review - A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
I was initially disappointed when it turned out that the Scrooge character was not actually a bad tempered duck wearing a sailor suit - but I guess that is what happens when people try and adapt Disney cartoons into novels. Having gotten over the initial disappointment that this wasn't based on the original Scrooge cartoon I thoroughly enjoyed this adaptation and wish the author continued succe...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says She Will Twerk For Bucks To Aid Those Affected By Winter Snow Storm Titan
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Miley Cyrus had dinner with her good friend Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest, host of American Idol at The Barbed Wire Barbecue Diner in West Hollywood. She told him that she wanted to do a benefit to help out the people who have been affe...
Read full storyCNN Could Be Hiring Ricky Gervais To Replace Piers Morgan
NEW YORK CITY - Several news agencies are reporting that CNN is desperate to get back on top of the television network ratings chart. An unnamed source told TV ClickerWorld's Hoopla Diddy that one of the reasons why Morgan was let go was due to hi...
Read full storyNorth Korea Tries to Sell Ryugyong Hotel to the Chinese
The big behemouth in the center of Pyongyang that everyone pretends isn't there and isn't ugly, will taken apart and sent to China as soon as a price is agreed upon. It is said that China will use it to make its ugly buildings look not-so-ugly in com...
Read full storyMickey Mouse outs himself; vows changes to his entertainment conglomerate
HOLLYWEIRD, CA - Mickey Mouse stunned the world with his announcement, recently, that he is gay. "My relationship with Minnie is a sham," he confessed. "All these years, she's been nothing more to me than a beard, you know, to hide who I really a...
Read full storyVice-President Biden Suggests To President Obama That Maybe We Should Make The Ukraine Our 51st State
CHICAGO - Vice-President Biden was addressing a convention of The Global Political Movement League in the Windy City when he was asked a question by a reporter with Political Salad Bar Magazine. Savannah Bamboo with PSBM asked the vice-president w...
Read full storyKim Jong Un to Come to United States, Wants to Stay at White House
Pyongyang, North Korea Kim Jong Un announced today that he will embark on a world tour. He plans to start his tour in Washington, DC, where he has asked President Obama if he can stay at the White House and sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom. Presiden...
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