Putin Suffers Gash On Face From Cossacks

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 5 March 2014


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Members of Pussy Riot, particularly Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina, were brutally whipped, sprayed and beaten by Cossacks representing Russian President Valdimir Putin at the Sochi Olympic Games.

These same Cossacks have been rewarded for their actions by being promoted to be Russian President Putin's personal bodyguards. But at Putin's press conference in Moscow yesterday the Cossacks proved to be most inept.

As Putin, flashing disdain, defended his actions in the Crimea by saying that Russian armed forces need to be reinforced because of "terrorist thugs" coming into the area, a female reporter stood up and revealed that she had male genitals.

"Take off your shirt, Vladie baby, I'm coming over to you."

As she walked toward Mr. Putin she was pursued by the Cossack bodyguards who caught up with her, whipped and pepper sprayed her just as they had done with Pussy Riot. But the transvestite reporter was so close to the Russian President that a whip struck him across the face causing a severe gash.

As he tried to rub away the pain in his eyes caused by the spray, Putin screamed at the Moscow Police in the room to arrest the Cossacks. As he police attempted to handcuff the Cossack soldier bodyguards, the reporter calmly swished out the back door of the pressroom. But before leaving she too screamed.

"You've been hoisted up by your own petard, homophobic fascist bastard!"

Cell phone pictures of the event have gone viral on the internet since being posted at LGBT web sites.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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