Kirstie Alley Challenges Leah Remini to Secret Sacred Scientology Duel
Clearwater, FL Kirstie Alley today challenged Leah Remini to a Secret Sacred Scientology Duel. Even though Ms. Remini has quit the church, she does not want to be called a chicken by Ms. Alley and has consented to the duel. Details about the Secr...
Read full storyBoeing To Move To Bangladesh To Hire Sweatshop Workers
Seattle--- Recently nine billion in tax subsidies were voted by the state legislature in Washington State to give to Boeing Aircraft. It involves 787 tax breaks ands the largest subsidy ever given to a corporation by a state in the nation's history.
Read full storyRepublicans Announce Social Security Lottery
Washington DC Republican House of Representatives leaders today announced plans for a new bill to fix Social Security. Speaker of the House John Boehner spoke today and said, "I have two important announcements to make. One--we have come up with...
Read full storyNo Carols for Sam
Sam Allardice has had his last throw and a Carol free Christmas is on the cards for him as struggling West Ham sink into relegation trouble. The manager is going to get the boot if he doesn't get things sorted by Christmas. The famous Spoof Foo...
Read full storySpanish Snatch Rajoy says "I am human, I watch Fawlty Towers and love Monty Python"
Snatch expert Mariano Rajoy yesterday claimed to be as human as the next Neo Fascist. "I love England and its sitcoms and am a fan of Leonard Sachs who plays a brilliant cameo of an average Spanish man in Fawlty Towers" "I long for the good old d...
Read full storySaints ain't what they used to be
Fast track Saints, now issued in batches of 30 or more are not as effective as the old single issue ones, an exit poll at St. Peter's Basilica has revealed. St. Christopher, now discredited for not being insured, was an all time favourite, polling 67...
Read full storySkull and Bones Society osteopaths warned of sudden twists as John Kerry turned 69 last year
Washington DC - Confidential background documents about John Kerry's 2012 nomination for US Secretary of State have been released by the Yale fraternity citing the notorious Brit case of the naked, bejewelled Duchess of Argyll caught in a series of d...
Read full storySarah Palin Embarrassed At Airport Security!
Sarah Plain has once again spoken out about the Martin Bashir resignation. "I expect these personal attacks on me because I am a Christian, I am conservative and I want the USA to stay a free nation. So Mr. Bashir didn't say anything that will bot...
Read full storyPope commissions "Saint Finding Drones"
One of the Popes has commissioned spotter drones with "Saint scanners" in their warhead compartments. One of their first tasks will be to gain Divine evidence for the fast track Canonisation of Nelson Mandela. "This would be a real coup", a resear...
Read full storyNelson Mandela to be buried in portions to give everyone a chance to attend funeral
Nelson Mandela is to be buried in 365 separate "portions" to enable well wishers to each have a chance to attend his sell-out funerals. Advertising slots for the year long T.V. funeral coverage have been fully booked since before he died. Merchandisi...
Read full story"The Sound of Music Live" Producers All Locked In To Keep On Keepin' On Giving TV Audiences Their Have To Go There Business
The producers of "The Sound of Music Live", no doubt still flushed up, and then some, following last Thursday night's broadcast - and subsequent trending through the roof - of their instant ratings grabber on NBC, suddenly now have even more reason t...
Read full storySusan Boyle has Asparagus disease!
Susan Boyle has been diagnosed with a very rare disease which only occurs in the merry month of May and disappears in July when the asparagus season is over. She discovered the disease whilst walking alongside fields of Asparagus that were being p...
Read full storyFeminist sheep sabotage Welsh sheep shagging conference
Dozens of sheep have staged a protest in central Cardiff to protest against the "meat market" of the pornography industry, as adult entertainment executives attended a National Sheep shagging summit in Llandudno. Dressed as butchers and smeared with...
Read full storyThe U.S. Treasury Department Will Put Nelson Mandela's Likeness On A New U.S. Dime
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama says that he has given his approval for the United States Treasury Department to go ahead with plans to make a brand new dime with the likeness of South African President Nelson Mandela on it. Presently President...
Read full storySelena Gomez Angrily Drops The F-Bomb At A Concert
LOS ANGELES - Selena Gomez performed at the Annual KIIS-FM Jingle Ball and was really excited since she heard that Vice-President Joe Biden and is wife Jill were going to be in the audience. After Selena began her first song, the microphone cut ou...
Read full storyThe Philadelphia Eagles Defeat The Detroit Lions In The Blizzard Bowl
PHILADELPHIA - For much of the game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Detroit Lions, Lincoln Financial Field disappeared underneath the tons of snow that began falling two hours before the start of the game. Someone asked if magician David B...
Read full storyPresident Obama and Ann Coulter Shocked At Miley Cyrus Twerking Santa Claus
LOS ANGELES - It was billed as a benefit concert and one person who certainly benefited was the guy who got to play Santa Claus and ended up getting twerked by the one and only Miss Attention Seeker, Miley Cyrus. Miley was dressed in a red sequine...
Read full storyNew York City To Build A 113 Story Parking Garage
NEW YORK CITY - The City Council of New York City has finally approved a bill that would allow for the construction of a 113 story parking garage. The city council had been discussing the idea for the past six months and they finally approved it w...
Read full storyDolly Parton Explains Why She's Putting Half A Dozen of Her Bras Up On eBay
BOISE, Idaho - Dolly Parton performed to a standing room only crowd at The Mashed Potatoes Arena in Boise and she said she loved every potato-pickin' moment of it. The 67-year-old queen of country music was asked backstage by Chipper Caruso with C...
Read full storyA Homeless Man In Illinois Wins $293 Million In The Lottery And Gives It To President Obama
CHICAGO - Melville Paxperkins has been a homeless man for 17 years. He said that he lost his house in a poker game back on Labor Day of 1996. Mr. Paxperkins has been hanging out at the same Chicago corner for the past 15 years and he says that eve...
Read full storyThe Kansas City Chiefs Scalp The Washington Redskins In The Warpaint Bowl
LANDOVER, Maryland - FedEx Field was the scene of an Indian massacre as the Chiefs of Kansas City scalped the Redskins of Washington 45-10 in The Warpaint Bowl. The Chiefs are now 10-3 while the Redskins are the direct opposite 3-10. All throug...
Read full storyJustin Bieber May Take A Whole Year Off
DETROIT - Justin Bieber performed at The Carburetor Coliseum to a less than packed house. The little Canadian singer was quite upset at the fact that his fans are starting to abandon him due to his hip hop wannabe ways. After the concert Bieber...
Read full storyMacon, Georgia Could Become Mandela, Georgia
MACON, Georgia - Many residents of this central Georgia city located on the banks of the Ocmulgee River have expressed that they would favor the city's name being changed from Macon to Mandela. One lifelong resident Grover P. Dazzle, 68, stated th...
Read full storyDerek Acorah arrested while driving under the influence
Derek Acorah, the world's most famous grey haired psychic has been arrested for suspicion of driving whilst under the influence, something that he has embraced. "Derek has stated to the police that he was under the influence of spirits whilst driv...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch a new range of Tickle Bras
Sparks and Mensa, the store where people with more brains than money shop (distinguishing it from other department stores, where the opposite is true), has unveiled it's latest lingerie range that is sure to have women (and men!) reaching for their c...
Read full storyFake Contracts
The USA's Office of Commercial and Business Affairs promotes and protects U.S. business interests in foreign countries. Period! The following story is fictitious. The conversation took place between a fully authorized representative of PKKT (Phobio-Klepto-Kakisto-Theocracy) government and a giant US Corporation. The PKKT's man was a cook-help in the kitchens of American families in 1970s when h...
Read full storyFire trucks banned in D.C
Officals of Washington said that they were offended by the big red trucks in D.C and said they were a pain in the butt. . Kathleen Sebelius said that they were trying to resolve the problem of these "inconvenient BIG trucks will be banned and replace...
Read full storyLesbians love to lie
A New Jersey waitress who received thousands of dollars in gratuities after claiming she received a provocative note in lieu of a tip has been let go by the restaurant at which she worked. Lindsay Lang DeBuono, a 22-year-old former Butch Military...
Read full storySusan Boyle has a boyfriend
LONDON (TS!) - Singer Susan Boyle says she has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism which has caused her to scare away men. Boyle told the Observer newspaper that she saw a specialist a year ago, who told her she had Asperger'...
Read full storySusan Boyle is still a virgin
Susan Boyle has never been able to copulate with a man and after visiting the doctor she was told why. She was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome which prevents her from becoming sexually aggressive with men. The diseases is a mild form of autism...
Read full storyOn Eve of Newton Massacre Anniversary, NRA Advocates "No Child Without Gun"
In a press release issued today, just before the anniversary of the Newton School Massacre,The National Rifle Association has issued a statement advocating that every child in an American classroom be armed with a weapon starting with kindergarten. T...
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