Washington DC Republican House of Representatives leaders today announced plans for a new bill to fix Social Security.
Speaker of the House John Boehner spoke today and said, "I have two important announcements to make. One--we have come up with an exceptional plan to cut the deficit on Social Security. Upon reaching retirement age, all citizens will be required to register for the Social Security lottery. If your number is picked, you will be taken care of for the rest of your life! Two-my name is NOT pronounced 'boner.'"
A rider was added at the last minute to the bill specifying that any savings from having a Social Security lottery will be put into the Congressional Pension Plan.