Al Gore 'Hot' After Being Denied Insurance Against "Spontaneous Human Combustion!"
Al Gore denounced all insurance companies today after it was revealed he has been denied medical and life insurance against "Spontaneous Human Combustion" based on the determination he suffers from a 'pre existing condition' according to a spokesman...
Read full storySaudi King announces that pet dogs may vote
A few select breeds of pedigree pet dogs in Saudi Arabia will be allowed to vote in future municipal elections, King Abdullah announced Sunday. In an address on Saudi state TV, the king said that well manicured, looked after and well trained pedig...
Read full storyNASA Satellite Falls on Scientist Who Predicted Where it Would Fall
Lead NASA space junk scientist Larry Wrong was killed this morning by a one ton piece of debris from NASA's falling research satellite outside of his Orlando, Miami home. The satellite, UARS, which is commonly known as "the satellite that is falling...
Read full storyFrench to be dropped as a UN language
Currently, the UN comprises of nearly two hundred countries, sharing some six thousand languages. In order to save the sanity of the member states, currently there are six working languages: Chinese, Spanish, English, Arabic, Russian and French. P...
Read full storyHamster on Mars?
Television presenter Richard Hammond is set to become the first man to set foot on Mars in an ambition project unveiled today. Hammond, presenter of BBC's Top Gear, Total Wipeout, Hamster on Food, Hamster on Toast and Hamster On The Job, will be...
Read full storyThe Day the World Went Blind?
"I believe in justice... but don't u think that an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind?" says Katy Perry, in response to the bin Laden assassination. She is also troubled by the fact that she keeps on seeing the number 33 and that it has happened at least seven times, already. 33...? 7 times? Well, at a wild guess, Katy, it obviously doesn't imply that the world is going to end in 20...
Read full storyGaddafi to front revamped Tiswas
The popular television series Tiswas is to be revived. The Saturday morning children's show, which made stars of Lenny Henry, Bob Carolgees and Chris Tarrant during its heyday in the seventies, has been bought by Yorkshire Television who plan to reva...
Read full storyObama Belatedly Demands Weiner Resignation
Washington, DC. President Obama today has belatedly demanded the resignation of ex-congressman Anthony Weiner due to Weiner's repeated violations of his oath of office to uphold and defend the United States Constitution. Obama accused Weiner of w...
Read full storyMexican government finally admit they have lost control
The Mexican government has finally acknowledged that it has lost control of the country and that drug cartels are now running the once proud nation. The Mexican president, Felipe Calderón, in an announcement beamed live across Mexico stated that h...
Read full storyHerman Cain 6-6-6 Plan
Orlando,FL--- Fighting back from obscurity Herman Cain, former President of the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City, has won the Florida Republican Presidential straw poll. One of the keys to his success was the promotion of his 6-6-6 plan. The 6...
Read full storySaltpeter Now Used To Cure 3 Hour Erections
SNAKE OIL JOURNAL: Although it appears that more women than men complain about three hour erections, sometimes it's better to bite the bullet, rather than call 911, if this complication from taking Viagra or Cialis befalls you. New research publ...
Read full storySaudi Women Get The Right To Smoke
Riyadh - With a bumper combustibles harvest just in the King of Saudi Arabia has decided to turn back the clock and permit the nation's women to light up again. Announcing the change in law King Abdullah said the move would make the nation's five...
Read full storyHadron Collider Stolen
The Hadron Collider, the device used to explore the boundaries of quantum mechanics and sub-atomic particle acceleration, has been stolen from its underground compound in Switzerland. Scrap metal thieves are believed to have broken into the site...
Read full storyI lost seventeen stone for my kids
I was always on the fat side during my teenage years, my mum blamed it on my diet, my dad blamed it on my mum's diet and my doctor blamed my dad for blaming my mum about her diet which he'd put her on. Naturally this was a very confusing time for me. I became very depressed every time I looked in a mirror, so I decided to take steps. I sold the mirror and bought a Big Mac but it just didn'...
Read full storyPorn Actor Dies in Bull Riding Accident
Randy Thrust, leading star in many pornographic films for Moist Video Productions in the late seventies, has died in a freak accident on the set of his latest film. Mr Thrust, 53, real name Ted Smith, was thrown during the rodeo scene finale for...
Read full storyLondon 2012 Olympics to be extended to avoid religious holidays
As part of the London 2012 Olympics "Respect for religion" campaign, no sporting events will take place on any religious holy days. All Sundays will be left empty to appease the Christians, and Fridays and Saturday too because of the Jews and Muslims...
Read full storyWoman sues NHS Surgeons
Ms Penny Arcade arrived outside the Law Courts in the Strand today with an army of Lawyers. She looked confident and did not show any signs of emotion as she walked through the imposing court doors. Lawyers for Ms Arcade claim their client has su...
Read full storyViewer sues BBC Directors
Mr Philip Advert will find out today if his high court case against the BBC has been a success. Mr Advert took the company to the court in the Strand as part of a protest against their viewer policy. Lawyers for Mr Advert claim their client was so...
Read full storyAbilene: A Song Review
Why wait until 2011 to review a song that was number 1 in 1963? Because I was only 2 years old then and since both my parents drank it was difficult for me to get my opposable thumbs working at the same time. Otherwise this would have been done much sooner! This song was written by two people, Bob Gibson and John D. Loudermilk, then recorded by George Hamilton IV. First problem with this song...
Read full storySpoiler Alert: East Enders Christmas Plot Revealed In Full: Pat's Death A Certainty
BBC bosses are said to be furious that a source in their headquarters has leaked the plans for the Christmas plot run of EastEnders. But their annoyance won't stop me from publishing a massive spolier for fans of the show. It was revealed that...
Read full storySoldier sues Military top brass
A young soldier will make history today. He is taking the British Army to the law courts in the Strand, where he will claim they made his life a misery, and abused his human rights. Top military lawyer, Colonel Stan Down, says the army are not to...
Read full storyThe Eternal Nature Of Surprise: A Poem Of Love, Lust And Shock By Desmond Bachaus
The Eternal Nature Of Surprise: A Poem Of Love, Lust And Shock By Desmond Bachaus You stopped. Deeply, longingly, you looked in to my soul. Like the stars in the cool blanket of night, I watched the water sparkle and dance in your eyes. You said I was the one. You told me that you had never felt this way before. I too, had never felt like this. You took my hand. Clasping my fingers in...
Read full storyThe Poster Adults For Tattoos Jesse James and Kat Von D's Relationship Is Once Again "Off-Again!"
LONG BEACH - Many medical experts as well as entertainment news agency executives are seriously starting to wonder if perhaps having 30 times more tattoos than a normally tattooed person has something to do with the mental facility that deals with re...
Read full storyWorld's Unluckiest Man Killed By Falling Satellite
Ned Tremble, the world's unluckiest man, was sadly killed yesterday by a falling satellite, in what appeared to be the final insult to a life of hardship. Tremble achieved official 'unluckiest' status four years ago, after a string of mishaps, unf...
Read full storyThe Search for the One Star Bastard! - Movie Script Scene 1
(With apologies to the movie Taxi) The Search for the One Star Bastard! Fade In: A BEDROOM MIRROR REFLECTING MAIN CHARACTER SKOOB (Practice Ranting) "You lookin' at my story? Are you looking at my story? I don't see anybody else here... Are you lookin' at my story? I can't believe you just one-starred my story... You sick fuck...it hadda be you, cause I don't see nobody else here..
Read full storyObama Revises His Jobs Plan to Sway the American Public to Endorse It
US President, Barack Obama, who had been pitching his Jobs Plan while campaigning across America, finally got the news that most American's saw the plan hitting the dirt well before reaching home plate. Obama was told that: "While the Democrats a...
Read full storyEarl Lazarus C Carrioncrow And The Case Of The Very Rough Boozer: Episode 1
The tiny cogs whizzed around silently and unnoticed, moving the hands of the wristwatch in to place. It was officially brandy o'clock. Earl Lazarus C Carrioncrow raised himself from his chair and bellowed "Langstaff? It is time...we must depart!" With a clatter of silverware, a dishevelled butler appeared at the study door. "The Superior Modulator is primed and ready, sir."...
Read full storyEU Ruling Means Smaller Tea Bags From Next Year!
Following a ruling passed in Brussels last week the size of a tea-bag sold or brewed within EU member states is to be a maxiumum 20mm x 23mm from next year - slightly smaller than a traditional British postal stamp. During the last six months man...
Read full storyChiswick Literature Lovers Riot Over Controversial Book
A leafy west London suburb was once again clearing up and counting the costs after a night of violence, believed to have been sparked by the now infamous book The Dorking Review. The trouble began after previously unknown internet comic genius Mar...
Read full storyBullsh***ing to end in Catatonia
Spain - The Iberian Peninsula's premier brain-dead hotspot has voted to end centuries-old Spanish practices rumored to have inspired various piss artists such as Goya, Picasso and Hemingway. A ban imposed by the region's Constitutional Court sees...
Read full storyDerek Acorah opens a carpet and laminate shop
Derek Acorah, the world's most attractive, charismatic and psychic man is to broaden his portfolio with the addition of a carpet and laminate company. "The chain of stores will be opening in the next couple of weeks," said new CEO Adele Willring.
Read full storyWhy Bill Clinton Turned Down Dancing with the Stars
Here's the INSIDE scoop, not what the former president told the media -- that he was too busy. Yeah, right! Apparently Clinton was ticked off when DWTS producers nixed his plan to do a cha-cha to "Hail to the Chief." When Clinton protested that...
Read full storyPlot discovered to slip testosterone to Indian Government
New Delhi: In a startling development on Sunday night, close on the heels of this expose, it has now emerged that there has been a similar plot in India to inject testosterone into the politicians to make them more aggressive in tackling crucial issu...
Read full storyAussies trying to export their asylum seekers
The Australian Federal Government is asking everyone to pretend it's going to be OK to send asylum seekers who land illegally in Australia to Malaysia for processing. Australian Immigration Minister Chris Bowen said today: "Look, we know everyone...
Read full storyMisunderstood on 2G: Indian Home Minister
New Delhi: Denying all possible connections to SpectrumGate, the scam over allotment of 2G spectrum to telecom companies, the Hon'ble (sic) Home Minister C Pitambaram claimed that he was misunderstood on the issue. Stopping short of saying that it w...
Read full storyThe NFL Owners Demand That Football Commissioner Roger Goodell Start Protecting The Quarterbacks Immediately!
NEW YORK CITY - The National Football League is getting extreme pressure from team owners, fans, and families of quarterbacks to do something to prevent the rash of quarterback injuries that have plagued the sport this year and in years past. Indi...
Read full storyCrisis Rocks UK's Largest Sperm Bank
As the world's financial markets and banking system continue on a wild roller coaster ride, a major crisis is spreading to a banking sector few people ever think of. Sehman Brothers, who hold the UK's largest and most diverse sperm deposits, have...
Read full storyWith 46th execution of 2011, U.S. still lags miserably behind China and Iran
WASHINGTON, D.C.--With two executions this week, the U.S. has recorded a total of 46 government-sanctioned murders against citizens in 2011. Incidentally, the U.S. leads the Americas by the same number, as no other such country in the hemisphere a...
Read full storySarah Palin Addresses The Kobe Bryant Rumor
KANKAKEE, Illinois - Sarah Palin's One Nation Bus Tour pulled into Kankakee, the Illinois town where Confederate General Stonewall Jackson said to his rebel troops back in September of 1862, "Dammit fellers, I do believe dat we be some lost sons-of-b...
Read full story'Looks like we picked the wrong month to quit steroids', says Red Sox manager
NEW YORK, Ny.--The Boston Red Sox dropped yet another critical game, this time to their arch rivals, the New York Yankees, by a score of 9-1. The game epitomized the entire month of September in which the Red Sox have gone 5-17: no pitching, no hi...
Read full storyLocal Man Cruelly Smacked Down By Fame
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was cruelly smacked down by fame this evening. Shuttlecock, who posted his first You Tube upload in order to publicise a book, penned by fellow The Spoof writers, entitled 'The Dorking Review' revealed that the prospect...
Read full storyKim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' Brand New Marriage Is Reportedly Already On The Rocks
HOLLYWOOD - One of the most recent Hollywood marriages between reality show diva Kim Kardashian, star of Growing Up Kardashian and NBA basketball player Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets, appears to have some speed bumps that seem to be pointing...
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