Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' Brand New Marriage Is Reportedly Already On The Rocks

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 25 September 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' Brand New Marriage Is Reportedly Already On The Rocks
Kris says that Kim thinks nothing about paying $89 for a lipstick but got upset with him when he bought a $12 Ke$ha CD.

HOLLYWOOD - One of the most recent Hollywood marriages between reality show diva Kim Kardashian, star of Growing Up Kardashian and NBA basketball player Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets, appears to have some speed bumps that seem to be pointing towards the dreaded marital "A" word - Annulment.

A very close, unnamed friend of Kim's told Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres, that the fairytale courtship and the royal like wedding have now given way to issues of marital discord and matters of wedded boredom.

Kim is used to always being in the limelight and spotlight and rushing off somewhere to get photos taken for a fancy clothing line or heading out some place to have photos taken for an erotic lingerie commercial.

Kris on the other hand is quite content to just sit around at home in his boxers with some Bud Light, a bag of pretzels, and watch ESPN 1, ESPN2, and FOX Sports on TV.

Humphries has also been quite on edge due to the fact that the National Basketball Association is still in a lockout with the owners and the players being about as far apart in their issues as North Dakota and South Carolina.

A close friend of the round ball star confided to Miss Zeppelin that Kris had told him that he is already tired of the smell of imported French perfume and Beverly Hills bath powder, as well as the constant smell of sushi, tofu, escargot, quiche and several other food items that he has no idea in hell what the hell they even are.

Kris says he misses being with a girl who he could just sit and talk to about sports related things like full court presses, bench clearing brawls, excessive end zone celebrating, and the constant need to self crotch grab (in baseball).

He took a sip of his Gatorade and noted that another thing that is not helping the marital situation any is the fact that Kim has just been named The Most Annoying Celebrity of 2011 beating out such boring chumps and chumpettes as Charlie Sheen, Snooki Polizzi, Lindsay Lohan, and Donald Trump.

Meanwhile Kim keeps insisting that Kris needs to be more tolerant of her friends and immediately stop referring to some of her personal assistants as being a great big box of Granola and whispering that so and so is a fruit, so and so is a flake, and so and so is a nut.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: In my personal opinion, I knew that the marriage would never work because of one very important factor; the "HSF" or the Height Spread Factor. I mean my goodness Kim is a very short 5-foot-2-inches tall whereas Kris towers over her at 6-foot-9-inches tall. And that type of arrangement for the guy, at least, gets old real quick, and I don't care how damn famous the woman is or how much money and fame she has. After a while a fellas neck is gonna start hurting from all of that bending down.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more