'Looks like we picked the wrong month to quit steroids', says Red Sox manager

Funny story written by Lyndon

Sunday, 25 September 2011


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Francona: "It's the 2000s. Everyone's doing it."

NEW YORK, Ny.--The Boston Red Sox dropped yet another critical game, this time to their arch rivals, the New York Yankees, by a score of 9-1.

The game epitomized the entire month of September in which the Red Sox have gone 5-17: no pitching, no hitting, absolutely no oomph, throwing bats and helmets, and kicking dirt.

Manager Terry Francona, historically a stark advocate of his players, let down his facade in the post game press conference stating, "I understand players wanting to show that they can play the game fair and square, but you're gonna wait until the final month of a pennant race to clean up your act?"

When pressed on the hidden meaning behind his statement, Francona only offered generalizations.

"Listen, I hit 16 homers in 1,700 at bats back in the 80s. Now you got Pedey (Dustin Pedroia) who's smaller than I ever was with 20 dingers in 600 at bats this season alone. When are we gonna wake up?

"But you can't pad your stats for five months, then turn over a new leaf for the home stretch. You have to assume the Yankees and Rays are doing it. They can't be relying on talent alone.

"That's too passé."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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