The Indianapolis Colts Have Just Signed An Amazing 13-Year-Old Kick Return Specialist
INDIANAPOLIS - The Indianapolis Colts have just lost their second game and are now 0-2 and off to their worst start in recent memory. The coaches, players, and fans all point to the fact that the team is certainly missing the services of its star...Read full story
Colonel Gadaffi Finds New L'oeuf of his Life
The Hiding place of the Libyan dictator Colonel Gadaffi has been revealed and its going to shock the world. That's because the sneaky Colonel has been hiding the whole time right under the noses of British Generals in a Cafe called "The All Day Lybi...Read full story
Jada Pinkett-Smith Denies The Rumors That She Is Having Marc Anthony's Baby
BEVERLY HILLS - Jada Pinkett-Smith recently visited FuFi Fondue's Hair of Haven Beauty Salon located on Rodeo Drive. Jada went in to have some highlights put in her hair since she had received a Hair Salon Experience Package valued at $440 for her...Read full story
Tony Bennett Alleges His Hair is Real
Tony Bennett not only claims the United States "caused" the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers, but also-in a startling new assertion-the legendary 85-year-old crooner says his long-time alleged wig is, in reality, his own hair. Bennett defended his...Read full story
Pissed Off Major League Baseball Umpire Ejects Both Teams and Entire Stadium
Major League Baseball (MLB) Umpire, Stanley Chuck-em, made baseball history last night when he managed to eject both teams playing as well as the entire stadium. All of this was done in the first inning of the game between the St. Louis Cardinals an...Read full story
You and Your Health Warnings!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. 3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. 4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing...yet lives for 450 years. 5. The camel will walk over 100 miles in search of water in temperatures of 100° F. 6. The albatross flies millions of mil...Read full story
Evolutionists - the master race!
Evolution fundamentalists are now demanding the banning of 'Creationism' in science lessons in our children's schools. This despite the fact that it isn't actually taught in schools. Apparently, the belief that man's ancestors were once hydrogen atom...Read full story
Cyber Attacks Investigators Focus On Worthing 'Silver Surfers'
International authorities investigating a spate of cyber attacks are concentrating their efforts on the UK south coast town of Worthing. Recent attacks, described as an epidemic by security specialists, have seen US defence officials' e-mails hack...Read full story
17 year-old Robin Hood in Germany gives himself up!
An English 17 year-old boy living the life of Robin Hood in a forest near Berlin has had enough and given himself up to the local police. The boy who's real name is Ray, not Robin, decided to live the life of his childhood hero alongside his dad w...Read full story
History Lesson Figures Enrage Top Academic Again
A top academic responded angrily yesterday to further evidence that history lessons were being squeezed out of schools. Research by the Historical Association shows that rising numbers of pupils are receiving just two years of compulsory history l...Read full story
Obama Demands NBA Must "Pass this New Contract RIGHT NOW!"
President Obama took time off from campaigning to throw his support behind the NBA player's union as contract negotiations have broken off and the owners have declared a 'lockout' threatening the 2011-2012 season. In an informal rant after a picku...Read full story
Printing Money Solution
Economist Samuel Snip has come up with the answer to the world's economic problems - print more money. 'The quantity will ease the situation and recessions will be a thing of the past' he claimed. 'Now when any country goes into deficit it can pri...Read full story
Colin Wanker following Joey Barton on Twitter
QPR manager Neil Warnock has gone 'underground' to monitor his players off-the-field activities. "I have signed up on Twitter using an anagram and I am analysing their tweeted conversations without them knowing" revealed Colin Wanker. Warnock has...Read full story
Bearded Man Spills Breakfast but Finds Car Keys
Horace Felchman, reformed Amish farmer turned general handy man was attempting to eat his breakfast at the Daisy Diner this morning only to have dropped a fork full of pancakes and pork sausage into his ample beard. Reaching in through the twisted f...Read full story
Celeb Chef Ideas Increasing UK Waste
Endless series of TV chef programmes urging people to cook fresh meals from scratch may be contributing to Britain's 8.3 million-ton household food waste problem. Research suggests that as fresh food has a shorter shelf-life than processed ingred...Read full story
Pippa Middleton 'a dead ringer for France's Ségolène Royal'
Paris - 'Take away the botox jabs, the cheek fillers and contour-plumpers and what do you get?' a Paris Snatch editorial asked today as rumors continued to fly about the controversial 58 year-old French politician. 'She may not have Pippa's slende...Read full story
Winless Colts Reach Out to Doug Flutie to Save Season!
The Indianapolis Colts, 0-2 for the first time in over a decade, have reached out to retired Quarterback Icon Doug Flutie in order to try and save their season! Franchise Q-Back Peyton Manning is out for the season, and despite 3 controversial nec...Read full story
'Charles Atlas' blamed for global warming scam
London - Legendary American body builder Charles Atlas may have been behind exaggerated stories of glacial meltdown scientists admitted today. The 'careless' tittle-tattle resulted in 15% of Greenland's coastline being deleted from global warming...Read full story
Italy To Sell Off National Treasures In New Debt Management Strategy
Following its credit rating downgrade, the Italian government has voted to sell off a number of national treasures, in order to reduce the nation's budget deficit. In an emotional and at times heated debate in the Italian parliament building in Ro...Read full story
Britain's Poor Urged To Burn Books To Stay Warm This Winter
With forecasters already predicting snow in October, and promising a long bone chilling winter, Britain's poor are being urged to burn books in order to stay warm this winter. The Departmment Of Fuel Bills expressed concerns that with the spiralin...Read full story
Wolves given Twitter lesson by QPR
Wolves manager Mick McCarthy has blamed Twitter after his team were clinically deconstructed by QPR with tweets from @Joey7Barton, @alefaurlin and @RealDJCampbell. "QPR were just too articulate for us today" said a speechless McCarthy, who has banned...Read full story
Dorking Review Editor mistaken for Thin Lizzy Guitarist
Sales of the international Breast Seller, the Dorking Review, have skyrocketed after a review for the book in the The Times confused the editor, Gary Moore, with the now deceased rock guitarist Gary Moore. "It is quite embarrassing," said Times re...Read full story
'Two and A Half Men' Goes On Without Charlie "The Former Mr. $1.8 Million Per Show" Sheen
HOLLYWOOD - Well the moment of truth has finally arrived and the new season of Two and A Half Men aired on CBS (Cursed By Sheen). The Tinsel Town Times Tribune's Margarita Mixx remarked that the show's creator, producer, and head writer Chuck Lorr...Read full story
Isle of Wight News - Unfortunate porpoise cannot be saved
Rescuers who attempted to rescue a stranded porpoise have come under intense criticism from animal rights activists for their methods in returning the unfortunate creature back out to sea. "The stranded porpoise was found on a beach near Brighston...Read full story
Dancing With The Stars Premiers With Los Angeles Laker Ron Artest Finishing In 12th Place Out of 12 Celebrity Dancers
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars premiered with a brand new multi-million dollar dance set. Bruno Tonioli has a new spray tan. Carrie Ann Inaba has a new bikini wax job, and co-host Brooke Burke has a new name Brooke Burke-Charvet. The Harold Wh...Read full story
Constituency Boundary Changes have a secret agenda
The ConDem alliance's plans to change the constituency boundaries in the UK have been revealed to have a secret agenda. "I've seen an early draft of the proposed new boundaries," said political observer, Anna Listz. "And I was shocked at what I sa...Read full story
The Only Way Is Essex Show Cast Up In Arms Over Title Confusion
A star-packed Dorking theatre show is under threat of cancellation because of the success of a 'pointless' book. Dorking and Surrey Theatre Workshop are currently writing and rehearsing their annual celebrity extravaganza, The Dorking Revue, which...Read full story
Vegans suggest how to feed the world
The Vegan Organisation against Meat (VOM) have suggested that if everyone in the world gave up meat, then there would be enough room on the planet to grow food for an extra 3 billion people. VOM whine that it takes 10 square metres of farmland to...Read full story