Obama Hosts PIIG Brunch to Promote Austerity. $1,775 Greek Salads? WTF!
Oblivious to cries of outrage over the DOJ expenditure of $16.00 muffins for meetings, Obama hosted an economic summit brunch for treasury ministers from Portugal, Ireland, Italy and Spain (PIIGS) at the White House to discuss Austerity measures to t...Read full story
Acton Cannibal ate neighbour's brain
Acton man Terry Scrote has turned himself in to the police and confessed to eating his neighbour's brain. "I was Hank Marvin after getting legless in the Bush with Stan Snide so i necked the contents of Arthur Saveloy's skull" claimed the part ti...Read full story
Long John Beckham wears them in bed!
David Beckham is about to launch his own range of "long john" underwear and promises that he was never influenced by Alfred Steptoe Snr. The toothless rag and bone man from way back when. Beck's collection is tight, sexy, and reveals plenty of bal...Read full story
Dale Farm Travellers To Build On ISS
With the Dale Farm evictions in full swing, it emerged yesterday that many of the travellers have already set their sights on a new home: The International Space Station. Recently, a Russian Soyuz rocket exploded just minutes after lift-off, destr...Read full story
Cash-strapped Pope-on-the-ropes rattles begging bowl at favorite daughter
Berlin - Angela Merkel's having none of it, of course, and has told her Holy Father to get stuffed. But with 90% of Opus Dei's investment portfolio wiped out by a rogue trader's disastrous £1.5billion punt Pope Joe Ratzinger's arrival back in the...Read full story
Minka Kelly butt-slapper vows never to wash hand again
HOLLYWOOD, Calif.--Marty Roberge, a crew member on the set of Charlie's Angels, was fired this week by ABC for slapping the buttocks of star Minka Kelly. Although Kelly was happy to let Roberge off with a stern warning ("Don't do it again"), ABC f...Read full story
Heidi Montag Devastated At Being Rejected By The Kinetic King
LOS ANGELES - Heidi Montag recently revealed that she developed a crush on one of the contestants who appeared on this year's edition of America's Got Talent. Montag said that the first time she saw the Kinetic King perform his act on the NBC tale...Read full story
TSA Charges UK Man with Attempt to Smuggle Endangered 'Alligator Bags' Through Newark Airport!
Minimum Wage TSA union workers, smarting from a series of law enforcement charges running from rape, murder, theft, drug smuggling, pedophilia, and sexual fondling and harassment attempted to make it all right by detaining a British man who claims h...Read full story
EU bans the term "sausage roll"
Bigwigs in Brussels have banned the use of the name "sausage roll" after a lengthy EU debate. EU scientists tested 10,000 sausage rolls from all over the UK and did not manage to make a single one roll. "Every one of them has at least one flat...Read full story
Autumn Equinox special: defunct UARS satellite 'may be stalking Climate Research scam professor' - report
East Anglia - Is there really a satellite homing device implanted into the academic behind the University of East Anglia's global warming scam? NASA sources hinted today that the spent Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite's imminent crash landing m...Read full story
R.E.M. Retired Elderly Musicians
It happened today, and it's the end of the world as we know it: R.E.M. (considered by many to have invented Electro-Lite pop) have announced their retirement from the music industry. "It's a bad day for music," said Rockville editor, Wendel Gee. "...Read full story
Global Market Dive Horror
World financial markets have had a Global Warning, far worse than Global Warming as it affects the developed world much more than the less developed. Getting ready for a Double Dip in the English Channel George Osborne's scrimpy trunks slipped to...Read full story
Facebook and Google Plus buy each other
Facebook and Google Plus have announced that they are to buy each other, in a shock move that will surprise no one. Facebook has been losing customers since the launch of Google Plus and, over the past month, the social network created by the Sil...Read full story
Midsomer Murders - A Welcome Return To Bonkers Form
John Barnaby returned to our screens in a satisfyingly bonkers episode of Midsomer Murders last night. It seems an age since Neil Dudgeon first stepped out as the detective chief inspector, but this was only his third outing and it didn't disappoint. In fact, the only thing missing from the whole experience was Terry Wogan marvelling over the Midsomer craziness on his Radio 2 breakfast show...Read full story
Owen Hargreaves is back and England "kneeds" you!
Lazarus, better known as Owen Hargreaves, is back and Man Utd boss, Sir Alex Ferguson, eat your heart out. Because he's now playing for their noisy neighbours and main competitors for the title, Man City. Man Utd didn't "kneed" Hargreaves any more...Read full story
Rev. Al Sharpton Says He May File Charges Against 'Dancing With The Stars'
NEW YORK CITY - The entertainment news media publication Hollywood Innuendo is reporting that Reverend Al Sharpton is extremely upset at the fact that the very first person to be eliminated from this years edition of Dancing With The Stars was Metta...Read full story
Brad Pitt Has No Idea How The Nude Photos of Angelina Jolie Ended Up On The Internet
PROVENCE, France - Brad Pitt said that his cell phone has been ringing non-stop with calls from several entertainment media reporters whom he says he trusts. One reporter Gazebo Serengeti with Bedroom Pillow Talk asked Brad how things were going w...Read full story
Oprah Winfrey's Friends Are Concerned As The Former Talk Show Queen Is Packing On The Pounds!
CHICAGO - The Right Coast Illustrated Revue is reporting that several of Oprah Winfrey's friends are expressing some concern about the woman they call Miss Oprah. One friend who has known Winfrey for over 20 years is Valdosta Mae "Vittles" LaBrado...Read full story
Kent Private Detective On The Trail Of Tortoise Thief!
Curtis Johnny Ottoman, or Otto. as he is known by his friends, is on the trail of a serial Tortoise Thief in Kent, Twelveoaks. Being one of the few reptilian detectives in the western hemisphere, Otto is world famous for his sleuthing. "Tortoises...Read full story
Conflicting Studies Debate "Movers and Shakers"
In one of the most bizarre turns of research, medical and psychological researchers from the United States and Great Britain have clashed over studies investigating "Movers and Shakers". Professors at the Picadilly Hovel University in Tweed at Sus...Read full story
Letters To The Editor - Nostalgia And Bygone Days - Warning : Contains Torrents Of Foul And Abusive Language.
Dear Editor, As a child I always dreamt of being the proud owner of a Johnny Seven One Man Army gun. This was the clever, 'Transformers' type toy gun advertised on the television, which could be fully or partially dismantled to make seven different weapons in one, ranging in scale from a pistol to a rocket launcher. However, being miserable bastards, my parents flatly refused to buy me one, eve...Read full story