With 46th execution of 2011, U.S. still lags miserably behind China and Iran

Funny story written by Lyndon

Sunday, 25 September 2011

image for With 46th execution of 2011, U.S. still lags miserably behind China and Iran
Poor countries with no access to clean needles may begin steering away from lethal injection

WASHINGTON, D.C.--With two executions this week, the U.S. has recorded a total of 46 government-sanctioned murders against citizens in 2011.

Incidentally, the U.S. leads the Americas by the same number, as no other such country in the hemisphere allows capital punishment, and is ahead of Libya by 28 slayings.

Although the U.S. is hoping to catch up with Yemen (53) and North Korea (60), experts agree that even blood-thirsty states like Florida and Texas cannot smoke enough death row inmates to come close to Iran's 252 whacks, let alone China's over 2,000 gundowns.

The closest contestant behind the U.S. is Saudi Arabia with 27 beheadings. Experts agree that the Saudis could really come out swinging in downtown Riyadh in the final months of the year if Saudi Arabia felt they were in striking distance of the U.S.

Belarus, like the U.S. in the Americas, is the last of the Mohicans in Europe. And with its embarrassingly low number of two killings this year, it is believed that Belarus will soon pull out of the running altogether.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more