Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was cruelly smacked down by fame this evening. Shuttlecock, who posted his first You Tube upload in order to publicise a book, penned by fellow The Spoof writers, entitled 'The Dorking Review' revealed that the prospect of international fame and unlimited fortune, had finally got to him.
Shuttlecock explained that this was his first appearance before the cameras, and that he was extremely nervous about the undertaking. He explained that long suffering wife, Anne, who has some experience in the field, had coached him, telling him to relax, not come across as aggressive, and tone down his distinctly Northern accent, or people wouldn't understand a word he was saying.
According to Shuttlecock, the recording session was a disaster.
"I think the first thing I say is 'Bollocks!'" Shuttlecock told reporters. "And I'm there on camera having a fag and swilling beer like there's no tomorrow. To be honest, I'm not at all comfortable with that sort of thing. I mean, writing crap stories is one thing, but having your ugly mug all over the internet is another thing entirely. And I can't believe I sound that bad. I sound like a proper Northern monkey."
It transpires that as the number of viewers of the Shuttlecock - Dorking Review You Tube video footage reached three, the fame went to Shuttlecock's head.
And he was violently sick.
"I had to leg it to the bathroom," Shuttlecock revealed. "At first I put it down to too much beer. Then I had a rethink, and put it down to some dodgy fish the wife cooked for supper. But I think the bottom line is that the fame made me feel sick, and provoked the old projectile vomiting response. Took me fuckin' ages to clean the shite up. If this is what three views on You Tube does to you, I'm glad I'm not Lady Gaga, or Rihanna - I'd be fuckin' inside out by now. I don't think I'm really cut out for this fame malarkey. If you ask me, it's a right load of old bollocks."
Indeed it is. As long suffering wife Anne, opined:
"I hope he's not blaming my fish. The wanker. He really is a twat. He drinks way too much and smokes like a chimney. I still have no idea whatever possessed me to marry the daft sod. He really is fucking hopeless."
Nobody present at the time of the announcement appeared prepared to argue with that.
More as we get it.
