Rex The Wonder Dog Saves Herman Cain From Kiss-And-Tell Ho
WASHINGTON - He can ride a horse! He can swing from a tree on a vine! He can hold wild animals at bay with a torch. Rex the Wonder Dog can do things even Herman Cain's wife can't do; save Herman from the grasp of a blabber-mouth Ho from Atlanta, Geo...
Read full storyRoger Hargreaves to produce the Little Mrs books
It's been on the cards for a while, but the go ahead for the Little Mrs books has been granted and they should start hitting the shelves in the spring. "Everybody knows the Mr Men and Little Miss books," said Hargreaves estate manager, Jim Bob Har...
Read full storySongwriters Masterclass: Justin Bieber
Introducing the Songwriters Masterclass, an exciting new series where I sit down with some of the most outstanding and influential songwriters of our time to discuss their craft. First up is Justin Bieber, a talented young virtuoso who captured the world's imagination with such timeless classics as 'One Time', 'Never Say Never', and, of course, 'Baby'. Flexi: Justin, welcome to the Songwrit...
Read full storyPrince Philip In East End Pub "scuffle"
Reports are coming in of an alleged punch up between the Duke of Edinburgh and the landlord of an East End pub earlier today. Palace officials refused to comment on the incident which happened in the bar of the "Fox and Gynaecologist" in the Bethnal...
Read full storyHumber Bridge Debt and Tolls Scrapped
For years campaigners against Humber Bridge tolls have voiced fears that the huge debt will never be repaid. The cost for a single car crossing the bridge was recently increased from £27 to £30. The Humber Bridge Board said the rise was necessary to...
Read full storyScientists Discover Reason for Forgetting
When we enter a room, we often forget what we came in for. The reason is that doorways trigger a host of emotional scenarios which block out rather mundane things like picking up your slippers, or changing your socks. According to psychologists (w...
Read full storyIranian protestors storm UK Embassy searching for a decent cup of tea!
A group of very thirsty Iranian protestors with nothing better to do have stormed the UK Embassy in Teheran causing an "Iranian tea party!" Police attempted to thwart the attack, but were helpless as the rioters, mainly students and wearing hoodies,...
Read full storyHerman Cain's latest accuser provides evidence that not every woman finds him ugly
WASHINGTON, D.C.--In the court of public opinion, many Americans had been close to ruling that Herman Cain had a face that only a mother--and perhaps his wife--could love. But Cain can now thank Ginger White for attempting to save his image. White...
Read full storyRichard Dawkins in Pantomime Drama
Atheist fundamentalist and evolution fruitcake Richard Dawkins yesterday sensationally walked out from his debut performance in 'The Princess and the Rock', his latest indoctrination project aimed at brainwashing the gullible and stupid. Dawkins,...
Read full storyNorway mass murderer declared insane, what a surprise!
It seems if one wants to be a mass-murderer these days one has to be insane and now the Norwegian maniac, who cold-bloodedly slaughtered his victims, has proven the fact. He has been officially declared a "loony"! Anders Behring Breivik will live...
Read full storyPat Robertson Asks If Mac And Cheese Is 'A Black Thing'
Recently on Pat Robertson's 700 Club television show Robertson showed a video of his host Kristi Watts asking former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice what her favorite Thanksgiving food is. Rice told Watts that it is a helping of macaroni and cheese. After viewing the video, Pat Robertson and Watts, who is black, had the following exchange. Robertson: "Is that a black thing?" Watts: "It is...
Read full storyInquest may ask if a 'somnipathic disorder' saw Gary Speed sleepwalk his way to RIP
Warrington - It's been opened and adjourned in a blaze of publicity as behind-the-scenes forensics battle to piece together the Welsh footie manager's last known state of mind. "It could be a complication of parasomnia what did it," sleep disorder...
Read full storyQueen's portrait torched in Tehran siege
Tehran - Iranian government rent-a-mob heavies have stormed the British embassy and desecrated the Queen's portrait before setting it alight. Witnesses have described how bodliy functions were used to make a statement in broad daylight about the Q...
Read full storySamantha Cameron and Kate Middleton 'are Italian sisters'
London - The true extent of the Italian crisis was revealed today as genealogy experts in exotic genome strains published a comparison of the two women's DNA. "They've got the same Dad, these two little minxes," Royal Freak Hospital emeritius pro...
Read full storyPublisher says sorry: Pippa's advance £40 only
Publisher Michael Joseph is trying to correct a misunderstanding over the advance they are paying socialite Pippa Middleton for a book on how to party. A typing error announced the advance as £400,000. It is in fact £40. And the advance will no...
Read full storySovereign debt crisis: the Queen's horse racing losses revealed
London - Queens called 'Elizabeth' have a tragic track record of running up huge horse racing debts Parliament was told today. But Government 'shorthand' for the country's economic mess may be hiding the true extent of Queen Elizabeth II's gamblin...
Read full storyMovember a tashtastic success
The annual event that is Movember has been a massive success this year. Organisations the length and breadth of the UK have seen moustaches sprouting on millions of faces all in aid of prostate cancer research. "The entertainment Movember winners...
Read full storyBBC Issue a list of locations to avoid in news reports
The BBC have issued guidelines of place names to avoid in news reports due to an increasingly sensitive viewing public. "A few years ago," said Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC, "We could say what we liked on the news, and nobody dared c...
Read full storyA Moment of Slience For The Plight of Snow White
Someone needs to take on the burden of exposing the hard truth, which is, fairy tales chosen to entertain young girls glorify the creepiest situations. This is what lies a woman's foundation for an extremely disappointing life in the years to come, since the fictional ideals and virtues are not part of the reality in which we reside. As I see no investigative journalists stepping up, I will s...
Read full storyCain to say, "Here we go again" again?
Now that Republican candidate Herman Cain has withstood charges of sexual harassment and an alleged 13-year affair, the media is seriously questioning whether he can survive the latest charge that has been unveiled over the past 24 hours. Accordin...
Read full storyCain Affair - Democrats and Republicans secretly join forces to end the Occupy Wall Street protests
On Monday, what may be the biggest political conspiracy in recent times began playing out for all of America's viewing pleasure. Democrats and Republicans have decided the best way to put an end to Occupy Wall Street is to manufacture an affair. The common goal is to divert attention from the nagging protest so participants can be addressed, and subsequently removed. As a result, Americans hav...
Read full storyFanny Packs. Mandals, and Mom Jeans Oh My
When New Yorkers wake up in a cold sweat as a result of a night terror, the location in their head is Times Square (interchangeable with Canal Street, Empire State Building, or red bus). The only times excluded from the terror are between 12am-5am. Why? Because that's when the fanny packs, mandals, and mom jeans have returned to their hotel rooms, avoiding what propaganda taught them would be t...
Read full storyWoman stuns judges on Britain's Got Talent by folding a fitted sheet
An unassuming middle-aged woman has astounded judges on Britain's Got Talent with her flawless and unprecedented folding of a fitted sheet. When Susan Bailey, a homely spinster from West Lothian, Scotland, took to the audition stage and announced...
Read full storyUniversity Challenge: UCL And Warwick Bring Back The Entertainment Value
We seem to be alternating between dull and entertaining bouts of UC lately. Thankfully, there were smiles on faces this week as the two teams seemed genuinely to be enjoying themselves. Which means that I don't have to be sidetracked into describing the cuisine chez Fields this Monday evening (well, if you must know, it was sweet, lean, scrumptious lamb cutlets followed by figs and home-made...
Read full storyIs the NHS safe with the Conservatives - Indications of nepotism at work!
Lord Blyth: Boots Chemists deputy chairman. Tory Donor. Stands to gain from the break up and privatisation of the NHS wants to buy the Walk in Centres at an agreed cut-price with Cameron. UK Pharmaceutical Industry: Courting the Conservative party, has also begun gearing up for a change in government, as drug companies have been reshuffling their public affairs teams and courting the C...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Is Absolutely Livid And Says That The Rumors of Her Having Had A Facelift Are Positively False
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin's nanny, Mindy Lulu Lickenfeister, told her about an article she had read that stated that Gosselin had recently had a facelift. The article which appeared in the national supermarket tabloid Say What? disclos...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Angrily Declares That The Bob Marley Birthday Cake Does Not Prove She Is A Pothead
SAN FRANCISCO - Miley Cyrus performed before a sold-out audience at The Ipso Facto Coliseum in San Francisco. After the show she spoke with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo in her dressing room. San Guacamole asked how her dad, the fo...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez, 42, and Her New 24-Year-Old Boy Toy Reportedly Doing The Horizontal Hula In Hawaii
HONOLULU - It appears by all accounts that Jennifer Lopez has gotten over the heartbreak of her pending divorce as evidenced by her recent jaunt to Hawaii with her new boyfriend, Caspar Smart, in tow. According to Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Ch...
Read full storyYour Daily Flexicon: Tuesday Nov 29th
Please join me each day as I reveal the words and phrases guaranteed to keep you single for a whole year. Sourced directly from the world's finest internet dating profiles, Your Daily Flexicon is the essential guide for the online dater, or indeed anyone who has a thing for typos, malapropisms and plane baad speling. This entry sticks in my mind for two reasons - it was in the very first profi...
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