Richard Dawkins in Pantomime Drama

Funny story written by Gary Potter

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

image for Richard Dawkins in Pantomime Drama
Dawkins - again stumped in a fetching orange ensemble

Atheist fundamentalist and evolution fruitcake Richard Dawkins yesterday sensationally walked out from his debut performance in 'The Princess and the Rock', his latest indoctrination project aimed at brainwashing the gullible and stupid.

Dawkins, who plays the role of Widow Twonky, was visibly shaken at the taunts and jeerings of the audience.

The panto involves the magical force, Princess Time, who kisses a favorite rock of hers, and miraculously transforms it into the first ever living creature. Widow Twonky (Dawkins) then goes on to try and convince the audience that rocks really did turn into organisms, millions of years ago. At this, the audience in unison yelled out "Oh, no it didn't", to which Dawkins responded with "Oh yes it did." This disagreement went on for a full twenty minutes, with neither party backing down. It was only Dawkins corset giving way which provided an excuse for the curtain to be lowered.

After an all to brief interlude, Dawkins pompously returned to the stage, this time in a resplendent orange chiffon number. He then went on to explain that magical Princess Time, performed another miracle, and over millions more years, the organism gradually turned into a human. At this, a repeat of the first halfs charades took place, until on plucky seven year old cried out "Can you give an example of a genetic mutation or an evolutionary process which can be seen to increase the information in the genome?".

This brought an instant silence to proceedings. As disciples of Dawkins know, he was notoriously asked this very same basic question before, and the result was identical. Awkward prolonged humiliating silence. Unlike the interview where he asked for the filming to stop, this time, he merely started to well up with tears as the crowd started to guffaw. Dawkins then proceeded to fumble about with his buffont black wig, before feigning a fainting spell.

I managed to speak to a few members of the audience. The vast majority of comments are unprintable, but a surprise member of the audience was William Lane Craig. Craig recently invited Dawkins to take part in a debate to which Dawkins cowardly ran away from. Said Craig "I'm quite surprised really that Dawkins presented all the so called evidence for evolution to the audience. Simply saying that given enough time a rock can turn into a human is bound to raise a few eyebrows, but that really is the overall extent of the theory".

Dawkins was said to be feeling drained from such a dramatic performance, and has canceled the rest of the three night run.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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