Released document reveals what happened to UK Manned Space Flight
After the second world war, Britain led the way in rocket technology, producing more rocket scientists than the rest of the world combined. Oppenheimer claimed that Britain, not the US would be the first to put a man on the moon. Documents release...
Read full storyRick Perry forgets name of agency, or department, or something
Presidential candidate Rick Perry made what may be the most devastating mistake in the history of this nation last night when he forgot the name of an agency he would eliminate. Or some department or office. Whatever it was, it was a mistake of epic...
Read full storyLocal Farmer Arrested Over 'Sports Jacket' Incident
A local farmer was arrested at his farm today, after being caught wearing 'non conformist' clothing. The farmer, Jeb Doyle, had decided to shun the usual attire of manure caked wax jacket, in favour of a rather colourful, shiny cotton ski jacket.
Read full storyGutCam Presents A Whole New View
A new London-based company, InnerTech, is giving people a whole new view of themselves with GutCam. GutCam is a tiny camera inside a transparent pod the size of a baked bean, which the customer swallows. The camera then films the pod's voyage over...
Read full storyHas Dancing With The Stars Asked Joe Paterno To Appear On Next Season's Edition?
HOLLYWOOD - This year's Dancing With The Stars is down to the semi-finals with four contestants left, Ricki "Great" Lake, Rob "The Male" Kardashian, Hope "Going" Solo, and J.R. "The Soldier" Martinez. Legal analyst Nancy "Graceless" Grace was elim...
Read full storyMedicinal marijuana prescription as Papa Ratzi battles joint disease
Rome - He's suffering from degenerative arthrosis that's said to have affected his hips, ankles, toes and niece (sic). Today Vatican medics let it be known they've prescribed medicinal marijuana to help ease His Holiness into the High Altar and -...
Read full storyThe Beginner's Guide Part 5: Ten Things To Know About Sport
Sport. To some a pastime, to others a way to unwind from the stresses of the day. And to other others it's a job. Others still find sport a thing that 'other people do'! But whatever it is, it's sport! A competitive, energy depleting activity, designed to get you fit, sweaty and worked up! Here we delve in to ten things you need to know about all types of sport, so jog on... 1. R...
Read full storyMick Hucknall Not Dead After All
Contrary to reports on a particularly popular social networking site, Simply Red lead singer, Mick Hucknall is apparently still very much alive and kicking, and not in fact dead, as has been reported. Insiders relate that the Mancunian ginger bloke t...
Read full storyIran Kidnaps Wilson Ramos' Kidneys for Hugo Chavez
Today Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamemei threatened the United States and Israel that if they attacked Iran's nuclear weapons production facilities that Iran would wipe them off the map with an 'iron fist.' Iran has been telling anyone who will...
Read full storyWe Remember Them - Gorm Grimly
Story told by Gorm's best chum Wombleworry Worters. It was always great to see old Gorm laughing at things with a tank-full of gigolos, and then gnawing on them should they respond in kind. I am sure he didn't hardly realise how truly loved he was by his fellow inmates, everyday we'd give him a caring clout and a timely trip whenever he truly got too big for his booters. Yes, everyone really fe...
Read full storyMafia bosses move to distance themselves from 'tosser' Murdoch
London - A spokesperson for Mario 'Sticky Micky' Calzone said today the entire Zabaglione crime family from Sicily were disgusted and appalled to hear News International CEO James Murdoch labelled a Mafioso gangster in the House of Commons today.
Read full storyLetters To The Editor - From The Positively Barkingly Bewildered
Dear Ed, Is your name really Ed? Or is it something like Trevor, or Kevin? If that's the case, then why don't people write letters to Trev, or Kev? I've never been able to comprehend that - despite having a loud and rather authoritarian voice. It's one of those things which have dogged me from early childhood, when I inadvertently witnessed the master of the house, performing an act of exquisit...
Read full storyHerman Cain Scores 0-5 With Blond Ho's
PSYCHOVILLE 101 - Just another question mainstream media won't ask: To Wit: Why did none of these blond, middle-aged ho's, who claim sexual harassment by Cain, succumb to the overtures of this charmingly handsome, financially successful business...
Read full storyThe Dalai Lama's World of Warcraft Account May Be Cancelled
For 99% of RPG players, the story is the same: obtaining quests, journeying into the unknown, completing extraordinarily mundane tasks, slaying any jerks along the way, gaining experience points to level up and having nerd conversations with the onl...
Read full storyNew Mitten Diet Guarantees Weight Loss
In an exhaustive study performed in 5 different cities across the U.S. and Canada, Doctors and nutritionists have proven that the constant wearing of winter mittens immediately promotes significant weight loss. Aside from the obvious difficult att...
Read full storyImmigration Officials Shut Down Death Star
The Empire has been thrown in to turmoil this week, as immigration officers from a combined league of Border Agencies, stormed the battle station 'Death Star', as it orbited planet Earth. Wojtek Brzezinski of the UK Border Agency told us "our offi...
Read full storyRogue Trader Makes $2 Trillion In One Day
Recent history is littered with stories from the financial markets of so called "rogue traders" who have made massive irresponsible bets and lost, resulting in losses often running into the billions. It stands to reason that with so many idiots rolli...
Read full storyCain: "Twenty-Seventh Accuser Is Lying"
Special to INS - In the wake of yet another former employee of the National Restaurant Association stepping forward and accusing Herman Cain of sexual harassment, the presidential candidate declared that "the Democrat machine has shifted into high ge...
Read full storySawdust Approved as Food Supplement
Special to INS - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved sawdust as a food supplement. FDA administrator Constance Twiddle announced that the following varieties are suitable for human consumption: white pine, white birch, and white ash.
Read full storyChurch of England Criticised for New Prayer
The Church of England (CofE) preaches that thinking of oneself is not the way Christians should go about their lives but thinking of others should be done too. When we say our prayers we often pray for forgiveness and state "I", "me", "my", etc which is not generally thinking of others, so a prayer for everyone to enter the Kingdom of God has been criticised for being too considerate towards th...
Read full storyPerry Finally Remembers Third Blonde He'd Cut from Herman Cain's Staff
Following the republican candidate debate at Oakland University where Governor Rick Perry had trouble remembering the third blonde woman he would recommend cutting from Herman Cain's staff, Perry finally blurted out the name of the woman in a follow...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Twenty-eight
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 47 - Matlock, The High Tor Trip It was a warm sunny day in August, and as I woke up, and lay there picking my nose, I had the urge to get out and get some exercise! (I'd had a similar thought twelve years earlier, but managed to resist that one) I pondered on where t...
Read full storyPalace 'tip-off' behind England black armbands deal
London - Someone in Buckingham Palace has had a strong hunch that the Queen might kick the bucket this weekend just as the England football squad lines up against Spain in a friendly. The premonition has seen players issued with black armbands ahe...
Read full storyNeil Warnock loving trouble and strife in the smoke
Neil Warnock has admitted he never thought he would settle in London, but has been pleasantly surprised. "I love London. Everyone said it's full of twats, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I moved my family into a nice 3-bed maisonette...
Read full storyDon't belittle England
England training will be a little unusual this week as head coach Capello wants them to play a five-a-side mini-tournament against dwarfs! He's called in four five-a-side dwarf teams to make it an eight team tournament. It's thought the defence w...
Read full storyNFL Commissioner David Stern and NFL Player Rep Derek Fisher Both State That Herman Cain Needs To Drop Out of The GOP Race
NEW YORK CITY - All of the NBA basketballs are sitting tucked away in their respective basketball lockers and the way things are going they are probably going to remain there for a while. In this day and age when so many American people are out of...
Read full storyBangkok Floods Are The Most Ridiculous Floods In History, Claims Man
The floods currently seeping through the Thai capital of Bangkok are the most ridiculous floods in the history of mankind, or dinosaurkind, claims a man on the scene. Moys Kenwood, 38, has told friends that, contrary to other floods, where raging...
Read full storyTwilight Star Rob Pattinson Explains The Shockingly Lewd Photos of Him and Kristen Stewart
NEW ORLEANS - Rob Pattinson, the star of the Twilight Saga series flew down to "The Big Easy" with a couple of his long time friends to celebrate the fact that one of his friends recently got divorced. All three partied on Bourbon Street and spent...
Read full storyComedienne Chelsea Handler Says She Does Not Remember Ever Groping Herman Cain
WEST HOLLYWOOD - It appears that Chelsea Handler has entered into her denial mode as she told reporters that the stories about her groping Herman Cain are sheer fabrications fabricated by a lonely individual. Handler said that she cannot even reme...
Read full storyBrad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Are Furious At Ann Coulter Who Says Brad and Angie Don't Have Kids They Have A Zoo
LOS ANGELES - Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and their half dozen kids flew from their mansion in Provence, France to LAX so the kids could ride on the world famous Santa Monica Pier carousel. Brad said that last week he had told the children that if...
Read full storyThe "W" says 'It's that guy's fault"
Over the years, the Obama administration claimed numerous times that the state of the economy is the fault to "That redneck before me!" Many have said that the Presidents accusations were invalid because fr the first two years no one could tell t...
Read full storyANZAC Treaty crumbles just like the biscuit.
Australia has launched a full scale naval invasion of New Zealand across the Tasman Sea. First reports of the invasion have been reported by coastal New Zealand communities. The Tweetosphere was bombarded by updates like the following from @beache...
Read full storyIs Your Date Crazy? You Need the Crazam App
The makers of the how to teach kissing app have developed an app for the iPhone and Android phones that will analyze a potential date and give you information regarding the person through a password protected text message. Jake Stephens of San J...
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