Comedienne Chelsea Handler Says She Does Not Remember Ever Groping Herman Cain

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 10 November 2011


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Chelsea Handler has denied that she has a tattoo with Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen's name on her labia major

WEST HOLLYWOOD - It appears that Chelsea Handler has entered into her denial mode as she told reporters that the stories about her groping Herman Cain are sheer fabrications fabricated by a lonely individual.

Handler said that she cannot even remember what happened 12 days ago, much less 12 years ago. She said that Herman Cain does look a little familiar but added that all...politicians look a like.

She said just look at Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann. Put a moustache, some sideburns, and some chin hair on Santorum and the dude looks like he could be Bachmann's twin.

Handler spoke with Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors and was asked how come her memory seems to suddenly be so bad, when just last week, she told Piers Morgan that she recalls having a crush on David Hasselhoff during his Baywatch years.

Chelsea who spells her name with an "L" remarked that she does not remember anything about a monetary settlement, or a financial agreement, or even a lottery bet.

She said that the only black man that she has ever gone out with was the rapper 50 Cent and that was only because he paid her $2,000 to accompany him to a Black Rap Hip Hop Bling Bling Award Show in Biloxi, Mississippi.

Miss Rangoon asked Handler if she would be willing to submit to a lie detector test, along with a DNA test, and a pregnancy test.

Handler said that she she'll take the DNA test and the pregnancy test but that she refuses to take the lie detector test on account of religious grounds.

When Rangoon, asked her what religious grounds, she replied, "On the religious grounds that I am scared as hell to take the lie detector test because the SOB could show that I may be lying."

"Duh. No shit Sherlock." Rangoon quipped.

Handler then told her that in lieu of a lie detector test she would be willing to take a pap smear, a mammogram, and the Rochard Test.

November 13 is National Throw Out All of Your Illegal Drugs Day, except in California where the holiday was declared a 'joke' back in 1969.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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