Tea Party Activists Burn Kindles to Protest Book Release
Self-described Tea Party activists in at least two states threw their Kindle ebooks onto bonfires over Halloween weekend to protest a book they call both offensive to their patriotic feelings and a danger to the country. Gold Hill, OR, November 1,...
Read full storyH.P. Sauce. By Armfeetandtoe Chapter 1
Arthur Blanket rose from his fireside chair, and made toward the bottle of brown ale that stood on the sideboard. As he past the coal fire, gently burning in the grate, he let go a posturn blast, that stoked the flames, and singed the hair on his worn out slippers. "Bolocks!" Cried Arthur, stamping out the flame engulfed house shoes. "That fuckin curry has ruined me". Stout, carefully pou...
Read full storyArchaeologists find Henry VIII's bongs under Hampton Court Palace ha-ha
A Time Team excavation of a Tudor outdoor lav near the King's Privy Garden has unearthed dozens of heraldic bongs belonging to Henry VIII archaeologists said today. Signed by renowned court jeweller Sir Peregrine Nuggets the wrought filigree silve...
Read full story'Dancing With The Stars' Soccer Star Hope Solo Says She Is Tired of Being Manhandled By Maksim Chmerkovskiy
HOLLYWOOD - Hope Solo is a very good looking young woman and she is probably also one of the most athletic females to ever appear on Dancing With The Stars. Solo is one well-conditioned sportswoman who can get down on a soccer field and do her job...
Read full storyOdes to famous dead people: Book 2
Pete Postlethwaite: You were a highly studied actor. your films were very good. I wish you had won an oscar. Your photo is on my Nans shelf. By Oswald Gentry. Glasgow Patriarch Alexy 11: You gave some nice sermons. People listened when you spoke. Now that you are in heaven. Do you still have the long coat? By Yuri Barbetov. Moscow Joan Of Arc: As a young girl. Yo...
Read full storyOdes to Famous Dead People: Book 1
Jimmy Saville: You have smoked your last cigar Jimmy. It's time to leave the disco floor. The marathon ends in heaven. You won't have to knock on the door. By Mrs Futtle Ferang. Hampshire Betty Driver: You have cooked your last hotpot Betty. It is time to leave the pub. No more pints to pull. Jesus is waiting for you. He has kept you your own bar stool. By Mr Fred Futtle.
Read full storyHerman Cain's "PizzaGate" Gals Will Soon Be Coming Out of The Woodwork!
CLEVELAND - GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain spoke at a Walmart parking lot where he began to tell the assembled crowd of about 27 people about his 9-9-9 tax proposal. Suddenly from the back a male voice hollered out, "The hell with 9-9-9 du...
Read full storyGay alien has sex with Men in Black!
Reports coming out of the Brazilian jungle have confirmed the fact that the Alien spotted doing the "Moon Walk" (exclusively reported here by me) was not Michael Jackson as first thought, but he certainly was gay and a big fan of Wacko's. The CIA...
Read full storyBarney Frank Denies Being Reason For Kardashian Breakup
WASHINGTON: Congressman Barney Frank took time from his busy schedule of running a gay prostitution service from the basement of his Georgetown townhouse to deny reports that he was responsible for hooking up Kris Humphries with one of his stable of...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp and Neil Warnock have plenty of rabbit
Harry Redknapp and Neil Warnock dished up a load of old rabbit after Tottenham Hotspur's lucky victory against QPR on Sunday. "I thought we were t'rific today" said 'Arry. "Luka Modric was t'rific. I love Luka. Scottie Parker was double t'rific. I...
Read full storyNew Scottish pricing policy to cost food in units of alcohol that could be purchased
SNP plans to introduce a new pricing policy in Scotland where the cost of food will be equated to the alternative number of units of alcohol that could be purchased for the same cost, have been broadly welcomed. Health Secretary Nicola Sturgeon s...
Read full storyCareer politician sad with how government isn't working
Washington--Career politician James Sensenbrenner from Wisconsin is sad to see how Congress can't seem to get anything done. "I remember when I first joined the United States Congress in 1979, and how both political parties worked together to get...
Read full storySenator Ron Johnson still taking it easy in new job
Washington--Senator Ron Johnson didn't make a lot of campaign promises, and that work ethic appealed to the voters of Wisconsin. Ron Johnson has introduced one bill since taking office, and isn't likely to introduce another bill until he absolutel...
Read full storyBlood Pressure Cure? I Know A Much Easier One Claims Local Man
Scientists claim to have found the cause of high blood pressure. The discovery means that it maybe possible to develop specialist drugs to tackle the problem and save thousands of lives every year. A PhD student, Francine Marques, supervised by...
Read full storyCarlos Tevez to go out on loan
Although Manchester City claim that they are in no way worried by Carlos Tevez's claim of unfair treatment over his alleged unwillingness to play against Bayern Munich, it would appear in the latest move that this is not the case. "We value Carlos...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Hits NBA Hubby Kris Humphries With A Technical Divorce After Only 72 Days of Marriage
LOS ANGELES - Divorce papers have been filed in Los Angeles County which will dissolve the marriage between Kimberly Noel Kardashian, 31, and Kris Humphries, 26. The couple was married on August 20, just a mere 72 days before Kim filed for divorce...
Read full storyMerseyside police lose remote traffic helicopter
Merseyside police are facing embarrassing questions today on how they lost their remote controlled traffic monitoring helicopter. "I've not exactly lost it," said Constable Ray Mote, who is in charge of the unmanned craft. "I know exactly where it...
Read full storyGeneral Practitioners To Monitor The Unemployed
The General Medical Council has reportedly issued new guidelines for GPs, directing them to question patients regarding their current employment status and offering advice on how a return to employment can be advantageous to their health and wellbein...
Read full storyWorld's most awesome laser 'to tear apart the vacuum cleaner of space' - reports
A massive kick-ass laser is set to go head-to-head with the menace of a celestial garbage sucker dubbed the 'Space Dyson' NASA HQ sources said today. Decades of fledgeling human space exploration have been targetted by the existence of an 'alien'...
Read full storyWe'll continue to treat OAP's as despicably as we do everybody else, insist NHS doctors
Doctors ordered to show old people more respect by NHS management have denied they need to change their methods, saying old people would continue to be treated just as despicably as everybody else in their stead. The British Medical Association al...
Read full storyEssential Alternative Sites of interest for Visitors to Nottingham!
The independent 'Nottingham Attraction Foundation Fellowship' (NAFF), have published a free handbook/guide for tourists visiting Nottingham. The two page booklet will available through Big Issue sellers, traffic wardens, Job Centre Plus Offices, also the little fat bald limping man with glasses and hearing aids, and a spotty face due to his constant Impetigo, outside the railway station on alte...
Read full storyUK Government To Measure Public Happiness
Prime Minister David Cameron is about to ask the UK public "How happy are you?" The survey has taken one year and £2 million of tax payer's money to complete, due to the fact that the average civil servant's concept of happiness is a tidy desk, a supply of sharpened HB pencils and an empty waste paper basket. There is also no guarantee that future government policies will be in any way influenced...
Read full storyUniversity Challenge: Has The Paint Dried Yet?
Zzzzzzzzz. Oh good grief! If I hadn't been eating dinner (home-made salted cod fishcakes and black bean salad) I'd have been asleep by the time this game was half over! Birmingham picked up the first couple of starters and never looked back. They were not just faster to the buzzer, they really looked as if they knew more - which I'm sure was not the case. Poor Birmingham, bless their c...
Read full storyMichael Moore Throws His Weight Behind Occupy Wall Street
Film maker and very rich and very, very fat guy, Michael Moore, has, literally, put his weight behind the Occupy Wall Street movement which is now well into its second month. Standing on an I-beam reinforced stage, holding a double-triple cheese bur...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Begs Troy Aikman To Please Come Out of Retirement
DALLAS - Jerry Jones told his wife that he is tired as hell of watching his Dallas Cowboys team ride the damnedest roller coaster ride this side of hell. He said one week they win big and the next week they look like Slippery Rock College. He said...
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