New Scottish pricing policy to cost food in units of alcohol that could be purchased

Funny story written by Deafo

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

SNP plans to introduce a new pricing policy in Scotland where the cost of food will be equated to the alternative number of units of alcohol that could be purchased for the same cost, have been broadly welcomed.

Health Secretary Nicola Sturgeon said it was important that the level of Scotland's alcohol intake was used as a starting point for revolutionising the shopping experience of those north of the border.

Ms Sturgeon suggested the official figures which suggested Scots drink more than people in other parts of the UK were a trigger to implementing the new proposals.

She told reporters, 'You know, its very difficult to impress upon inebriated shoppers the true value of items that they may wish to purchase when they are merely reflected in pounds.'

'Confusion reigns in the shopping aisle when you have just polished off a 24-pack, so these changes would make sense for all parties.'

'It would be much more effective if we told our shoppers, for this tin of beans, you could be easily buying a can of Kestrel or two, or for this chicken you could be drowning your sorrows in another bottle of Scotch.'

'That way, Scots can truly appreciate the cultural experience they would be missing out on by wasting their money buying food.'

A spokesman for Tesco declared the company's support for the pricing changes stating they would be tailoring their campaigns accordingly.

'This is great news for us, and the Scottish people.'

'Rest assured, every single item in our store will now have a heavily discounted alcohol product equivalent to ease the decision making process in places like Arbroath.'


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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