Carlos Tevez to go out on loan

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

image for Carlos Tevez to go out on loan
The slope at Croft Park is quite pronounced

Although Manchester City claim that they are in no way worried by Carlos Tevez's claim of unfair treatment over his alleged unwillingness to play against Bayern Munich, it would appear in the latest move that this is not the case.

"We value Carlos highly," said Manchester City chairman, Khaldoon Al Mubarak al Obama. "So much so that we do not wish to sell him in the January transfer window."

According to Al Mubarak, Tevez is quite low down in the pecking order of strikers.

"We currently have a glut of fit strikers at the club," said Al Moobarak. "But we know things can quickly change, and if every striker down to the under-twelve's reserve striker, Ben Down, gets injured, then Tevez would be right up there, ready to be selected."

For this reason, Manchester City will be loaning the Argentinian striker out to another club.

"Unfortunately," said Al Mudbrick, "we would have to wait to the January Transfer Window to loan him to a league club. Therefore we are going to loan him to a non-league club. Obviously they can't afford his wages, but me, I don't notice his wages as he earns very little compared to me, so I will pay his wages."

The current favourites to secure the most anticipated non-league loan signing since the formation of football in 1848, is Blyth Spartans.

"Out of all the non-league teams that submitted a request," said Al Mudbarraks, "Blyth was the only one anybody had heard of. I mean, where is Braintree Town? They had the additional plus points of being in the middle of nowhere on the east coast where it's freezing. They all speak like Geordies and if he refuses to play for them, then I'm sure that they'll be a few of them around his car when he comes to leave."

Blyth are quite excited.

"He's a canny lad that'll bring the crowds in for sure," said Blyth Assistant Manager, Gavin Fellover using subtitles. "I don't really care if he don't play and just stands looking like a water feature. It'll only be until January when City sell him. Should I have said that? Never mind. If he does play, it'll make him a better player, cos our pitch is shocking."

Manchester City deny that this is an attempt to teach Tevez a lesson in humility.

"That would be a pointless exercise," said Al Mubreakfast. "Allah himself could not teach him humility. No, this is pure and utter spite."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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