InfoDepth: Lies to the Government
In an exclusive interview with the Guardian on the 16th of Feburary, a former Iraqi dissident gave fake testimonials to the American government on Saddam's [non-existent] WMD. According to many analysts, this was the biggest confidence trick ever. Inhopeless Media Group has dug up more government secrets. So, what other dissimulated information have the US and British governments recieved? -...
Read full storyCameron Admitted to Mental Institute After Delusions About BigSoc
LONDON - After PM Cameron went around the country taking about his new cultural directive, Big Society, the man has fallen into a state of mental sickness. According to doctors, Cameron had been suffering from 'delusions' that BS was going to work...
Read full storyQueen to bestow Order of the Qatar
London - (Self Preservation Society): President Barack Obama is to get a gong from the Queen during his May state visit. "It's for keeping mum about the Princess Di blood money," a Reuterus Agency stringer said today. Obama will be knighted wit...
Read full storyRod The Mod's Eighth Child
Rod Stewart has become a father for the eight time at the grand old age of 66. His wife Penny Lancaster has just given birth to a baby boy, Aiden after the couple had undertaken 3 course of IVF treatment. The couple already have a 5 year old son, Alastair. To celebrate the good news, Rod has released a new greatest hits album, featuring the following tracks : Reason To Conceive Handba...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Gives Tiffany Rios The Most Conceited Contestant In A.I. History The Old 'Heave Ho!'
HOLLYWOOD - Ryan Seacrest, host of American Idol, told members of the entertainment media covering American Idol's 'Hollywood Group Week' that in the ten years he has been doing the reality singing show he has never seen a more conceited individual t...
Read full storyThe Queen's shagged every US President since 1953 'except Lyndon Johnson'
London - (Reuterus): The news comes amid an official announcement that President Obama and his wife Michelle are coming to the UK on a state visit in May. "At this stage we simply don't know what is Palace protocol about shagging the current US in...
Read full storyInflation "not that bad", claims Osborne
Chancellor George Osborne has sensationally claimed that inflation "isn't that bad." These claims were made after figures revealed inflation in the UK would rise sharply in the next year following a statement from the Bank of England. George Os...
Read full storyRod Stewart Proud Father of Eighteenth Baby! Nineteenth Baby!
Singer Rod Steward and his wife, uh..Kelly..Britt..Penny! That's it. Penny Lancaster have a new baby boy according to the 66-year-old record company's announcement today, just missing Valentine's Day. "Today is a very happy one for Stewart and his...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen On New "Prostitute" Show After Being Dropped From "Two & A Half Men"
News this morning is that wacky actor Charlie Sheen has been dropped from the television show, "Two & A Half Men" and that the show is on hold until everything else can be worked out. Asked about the news, Sheen told our reporters "Ducks are f...
Read full storyCrib Injuries Up as Rappers Fail to Make Mansions Safe
The Federal Home Safety and Insurance Association has just released its quarterly report regarding safety in and about the home and have reported a sharp incline in crib deaths in the last quarter of 2010. Crib deaths are the major cause of injuri...
Read full storyKate Gosselin and Billy Ray Cyrus Caught In A Scandalous Snuggle At A Barbecue Bar & Grill In Shreveport
SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - One of the most famous mothers in The Land of The Free and The Home of The Brave, Kate Gosselin and Billy Ray Cyrus the father of one of the most famous teenagers in the history of teenagers, (Miley Cyrus) were recently spotte...
Read full storyStrong Solar Flare Activity May Cause Rare Moonburn
A space scientist at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has issued a warning in association with the current solar flare activity on the sun's surface. Edmund P. Rank, a scientist at NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory claims th...
Read full storyThe Los Angeles Lakers Turn Their Backs On Their TV Fans
LOS ANGELES - The owners of the Los Angeles Lakers have just signed a $3 billion deal with The Timeless-Wonder Cable Company to continue showing every Lakers game but on "Pay Per View." A spokesperson for the Lakers who begged to keep his name ano...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens initiated into first Bang Bang tattoo
New York - (Tattoo-You): He famously needled Lady Gaga's butt with a little pixie-devil high up on the inside of her slim left thigh. Now celeb tatt-artiste Keith 'Bang Bang' McCurdy has started work on latest client Vanessa Hudgens' own pristine,...
Read full storyBeware Olympic Tickets
Urgent warnings have been sent out by the Olympic Committee concerning websites offering sales of tickets for the Olympic Stadium. 'West Ham United matches for 2013 have not been arranged. No one knows what Division West Ham will be in at that tim...
Read full storyCopycat links to dead MI6 cryptographer in new body-in-suitcase murder?
Holmfirth, West Yorkshire - (Emotional Baggage): Residents of a Yorkshire village where the Beeb's Last of the Summer Swine sitcom was filmed are demanding answers. Was mother-of-two Marie Stewart's body dumped in a suitcase because of sicko copyc...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Does Lady Gaga!
To the surprise of thousands of fans at an Adam Lambert concert in New Jersey last night, Lady Gaga came out for the second half of the show. The first song when fans could finally hear it, was "Born Dis Way" and that was their first inkling that...
Read full storyKate Middleton inflatable sex doll bombs
London - (Barefaced Cheek): Sales of Kate Middleton blow-up sex dolls have dived following customer dissatisfaction with the toy's much-hyped lubricants. The $5,000 latex plaything is billed as coming with a state-of-the-art body-temperature gel d...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Criticized Over Comments About Sex
Justin Bieber is under fire for his recent comments about sex in the latest issue of The Toronto Tribune-Talker. According to an insider at the newspaper who has seen the report before it hits the fan..stands, says that "Bieber" seemed to be think...
Read full storyPig Wins Three Peaks Race
Everyone knows how versatile an animal the pig is. He's very tasty, for a start, a very clean animal too, but also very intelligent. They make great pets, and if you train them they will even pick the kids up from school, leaving you to enjoy doing...
Read full storyJessica Alba Says She's Probably Knocked Up Again
Jessica Alba is pregnant once again "or else Kirstie Ally has switched tummies with me while I was asleep", Alba joked in the latest issue of the "Tall Tails" Tabloid. She also announced it on Facebook and stated that she, her husband Cash Warren...
Read full storyBrazilian model blames white supremacists for 38KKK-cup hell
Houston, Texas - (YouBoob!): Numerology-obsessed Ku Klux Klanners have been blamed for Brazilian model Sheyla Hershey's nervous breakdown. Five gallons of silicone gel were surgically drained from her world renowned 38KKK-cup stonkers last year af...
Read full storyIs Justin Bieber Really Emma Watson's Twin Brother?
A rumour is circulating around tinsel town that Justin Bieber and Emma Watson are actually identical twins who were separated at birth. Since Emma Watson has had her gamine, pixie, short hair-style she bears a remarkable resemblance to Justin Bieb...
Read full storyLady Gaga Defends Lindsay Lohan
Of all people, Lady Gaga told reporters today that she doesn't think Lindsay Lohan should receive any jail time for her theft of a necklace. "Like the girl is all messed up, see? Look at her past year or two. She needs help, not another jail sente...
Read full storyUp The Buses! - Part 13C.
Where have you been, you have been away, what's your problem? Continued from Up The Buses! - Part 13B. Up The Buses! - Part 13B." Flashback to previous episodes that you MAY have so disgracefully missed, to get you ALL up to speed! BLAKEY: (talking to himself) "I must not get worked up. I hate Butler, but I must not get worked up! I must be jovial and kind at all times today to take...
Read full storyCatholics Lead Fight Against Same Sex Marriages in Church
Horror and fury over the proposal to have sex sex marriages in Church has caused uproar in Churches, with the Roman Catholics leading the fight against the idea. 'If sex sex marriages in Church are allowed we fear for the future of the Church' ann...
Read full storyTabak Caught Using Banned Mobile Phone
Vincent Tabak has been caught using a mobile phone which was tossed over a prison fence to him by girlfriend Tanja Morson. The Dutchman could face loss of visitation and canteen privileges. A prison insider said that Vincent was caught updating h...
Read full storyJustin Bieber And Lionel Messi In Close Shave Possibly Involving Vicious Satirists
LONDON, ENGLAND - Security guards this morning heaved huge sighs of relief as breaking news revealed that Justin Bieber and Barcelona soccer star Lionel Messi were almost involved in a near miss incident with a group of vicious satirists, who had gat...
Read full storyLocal Man Held Hostage At Waterloo Station - Endures 5 Hour Ordeal
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was quietly recovering at his Hampshire home this morning after enduring a horrific 5 hour kidnap ordeal at London Waterloo railway station yesterday afternoon. "I was terrified," the pork pie hat enthusiast declared...
Read full storyNigella Lawson: "We're All A Bit Lesbian!"
Buxom TV sexpot cook, Nigella Lawson, claims that all women have a bit of the lesbian about them. Recalling her days at boarding school, the busty domestic goddess said she had a crush on a fellow pupil. Although she says she's never had any gi...
Read full storyBig Cat to Clear Downing Street of Vermin
London, UK: After a number of complaints that Downing Street has become overrun with vermin, a big cat is to be brought in to remedy the situation. "We first started to see them around May of last year, skulking around in the shadows, but now they...
Read full storyMannered Tales
Ankit could not have been happier. After years of torment, he succeeded in proving that his parents and 'detractors' did not exercise their respective grey matters well while gauging the might of his mannerisms, which, he admits today, 'is at times an eye sore when subjected to visual overdose'. "As if I was stranded hapless before a flight of arrows, unarmed and unprotected." Ankit referred...
Read full storyBrits Viewing Figures Slump
Fewer than 5 million viewers tuned in to watch the Brits Awards on February 15th. The event, which was staged for the first time ever at the 02 Arena in London, suffered its worst viewing figures for 5 years. ITV's coverage was beaten by "Jeremy...
Read full storyA Huge Meteorite The Size of Kirstie Alley, Gabourey Sidibe, and David Crosby Combined Just Barely Misses Hitting The 'Right Coast'
PHILADELPHIA - NASA's Office of Meteorological Unusual Incidents reported that on Valentine's Day, a huge meteorite almost hit Dover, Delaware but ended up landing in the Atlantic Ocean instead. Galahad Fenkershill, chief director of NASA's OMUI t...
Read full storyDundee United Boardoom Change Revealed
Troubled Dundee United, whose revenue flow has been hit hard after an inordinate number of home fixtures were cancelled due to a waterlogged pitch, have announced a major new change in the boardroom. TV Presenter Lorraine Kelly has was been appo...
Read full storyJessica Simpson's Fiancé Tells Her To Stop Feeding Her Face Before She Starts Looking Like A Blonde Kirstie Alley
WEST HOLLYWOOD - The man who provides Jessica Simpson's fiancé, Eric Johnson with his vegetables has stated that Johnson made quite a startling announcement about Simpson to him. Franz Ditsfauster, who owns The Ditsfauster & Gomez Vegetables S...
Read full story"Three Lions " Update
As we approach the 8 month anniversary of England's humiliating 4-1 defeat by Germany in the last 16 of World Cup 2010, Frank Skinner and David Baddiel are releasing an updated version of the classic "Three Lions" : They're Coming Home They're Coming Home They're Coming England's Coming Home (x 66) Everyone Seems To Know The Score The Germans Gave Them Four And For Sure It Could Have...
Read full storyRussell Brand Implies That Little Miss Goody Goody Two Shoes, Emma Watson Needs To Make A Semi-Smutty Film
SOHO - Russell Brand was in Soho getting his hair done at the The Sir Swishy Swish Salon. His long time hair stylist Sir Swishy Swish asked how his marriage was going. Brand giggled and said that out of the hundreds of women that he had bedded pri...
Read full storyTerry Butcher Revisited
In the first of a series of books focussing on legends of the English game, Brian Glanville reassesses the career of Terry Butcher. "In the 1986 World Cup in Mexico, it was Terry who was seemingly left in Maradona's wake as Diego scored that memorable solo goal. Research has shown that, rather than being outpaced by burly Diego, our Tel could in fact have quite easily caught up with him and pr...
Read full storyJimmy Hill Remembers
In an exclusive interview, this reporter has been granted access to esteemed former TV pundit Jimmy Hill. Today, Jimmy gives his views on World Cup 94. For those readers whose memories don;t stretch back that far, England failed to qualify from a group comprising Norway, Netherlands, Poland, Turkey and San Marino. Grimbo - "Was your enjoyment of the World Cup spoiled by the absence of Englan...
Read full storyPaula Abdul Devastated As Her New Show "Live To Dance" Gets Sent To That Great 'Ballroom In The Sky'
HOLLYWOOD - Former Los Angeles Laker Girl, American Idol judge, and Live To Dance judge Paula Abdul is extremely disappointed and literally devastated as she has just learned that CBS has cancelled her brand new show Live To Dance. Abdul spoke wit...
Read full storySFA Announce Major Innovations
After years of dithering over what improvements should be made to help referees deal with the increasing instances of player indiscipline (on and off the ball) and more importantly to increase the quality of entertainment on show, the SFA have at las...
Read full storyIs Lady Gaga an Alien from Outer Space?
After Sunday's Grammy Awards show, some think the answer is YES, arguing, "Is there any doubt? She arrived in an egg, for Pete's sake." Others disagree. One Lady Gaga fan was heard to comment, "It's her right to choose an egg as a means of tran...
Read full storyDundee United Announce Money Making Schemes
Dundee United have commissioned a leading firm of consultants to take a look at the Arabs situation and see if they couldn't come up with some constructive proposals to increase their revenue flow. Here's their proposals which will be immediately implemented - 1. Rename the George Fox Stand the "20th Century George Fox Stand" and redevelop it into a state of the art Cineplex that could showc...
Read full storyKim Jong Il Allows Son to Shoot Missile as Birthday Gift
On Wednesday, Kim Jong Il celebrated his 69th (or 70th, depending on whom you ask) birthday drinking American beer, opening gifts, and eating lots of cake. But the special gift that day was not for himself but for his third son, Kim Jong Un, who is e...
Read full storyRangers Rescue Package Announced
Scottish entrepreneur Chris Whyte has revealed some of the plans he has for Glasgow Rangers once his £33 million takeover is complete. Here's some of his proposals - 1. Re-enlist CR Smith Windows as club sponsors, re-brand all stock as Sash windows. Whyte reckons the giro donations will start rolling in. 2. Sell Kirk Broadfoot, Kyle Lafferty and Maurice Edu to a Conference team and use th...
Read full storyDr. Phil Claims Slapping Someone is Acceptable Behavior
Dr. Phil McGraw, known for his sometimes unorthodox approach to human interactions, has just come out with a new pamphlet that he is touting as a breakthrough in dealing with what he calls the "spoiled brat syndrome." The pamphlet is entitled "Sl...
Read full storyKate Middleton Finally Reveals A Secret That She Has Never Expressed Before
LONDON - With her wedding date fast approaching Kate Middleton has started to get somewhat nervous as evidenced by the fact that one day last week at a dinner party in Buckingham Palace honoring the Minogue sisters, Dannii and Kylie, she inadvertentl...
Read full storyNational Tea Party Unwittingly Aligns Itself with California Pot Growers Association
An unlikely partnership has formed between some very conservative-thinking patriots and a group of stoners who could care less about any politics unless, of course, they involve the legalization of marijuana. How it happened, no one is really cert...
Read full storyStudy: Erectile Dysfunction Drugs Lower IQ
A recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) reveals that drugs used to treat erectile dysfunction can lower a man's IQ by up to 30 points. The study, which followed a group of middle-aged men for two years wh...
Read full storyChina's 'Big Dong' Weapon Doesn't Scare My Arse: US Admiral
A new super weapon called the Carrier-Killer by China who developed it, does not pose a major threat to the United States according to Vice Admiral, Scott Van Buskirk, head of the U.S. 7th Fleet in the pacific. "The Russians gave up on the same we...
Read full storyTaylor Swift in Love with Melon Grower!
Taylor Swift is in love again and this time she believes it is fate that drew them together. "I love Adam Young of Owl City", she told the Nashville Cashville Gazette. "We're a perfect match as Adam has spent all his life around growing big melon...
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