Written by grimbo

Thursday, 17 February 2011

image for Rangers Rescue Package Announced

Scottish entrepreneur Chris Whyte has revealed some of the plans he has for Glasgow Rangers once his £33 million takeover is complete.

Here's some of his proposals -

1. Re-enlist CR Smith Windows as club sponsors, re-brand all stock as Sash windows. Whyte reckons the giro donations will start rolling in.

2. Sell Kirk Broadfoot, Kyle Lafferty and Maurice Edu to a Conference team and use the income to pay off a day's bank interest.

3. Copyright "Simply The Best" (Govan Remix), get Donald Findlay to record it and release it on July 1st, 2010. Guaranteed to fly up the Indie Chart.

4. Auction Walter Smith's old cardigans.

5. Redevelop Ibrox as a multi cultural, non denominational community facility. An outside agency will definitely be required to carry this off.

6. Put Ally McCoist on a Sponsored Slim.

If all fails, the club could always -

7. Move lock, stock and barrel to N. Ireland and join the Carling Premiership. They'd be guaranteed 50,000 gates every week as well as a Champions League place every season. This is after all not a situation they're not unfamiliar with.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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