Kevin Kolb Doesn't Wear Pink Magic Fairy-Cleats, Sucks.
Philadelphia, PA--- Snapping the hopes and dreams of Eagles fans worldwide, a particularly jarring tackle on dog-hater Michael Vick sent him to the locker room for x-rays with a rib injury. "Aw, sh-t," the fans at the Linc cried in unison. In com...
Read full storyBlue Tits Scandalised
So Ed Miliband doesn't believe in God and has been living with a woman and they are having children without getting married. What a normal guy. How refreshing. Scandalised old maids and screwed up Catholic paedophiles must surely be against him b...
Read full storyDelhi Commonwealth Games Almost Ready- India Rolls Out Yellow Carpet
The Prince of Wales finally arrived at Delhi to co-inaugurate the Commonwealth Games in Delhi. The games venues and the athlete's village were deemed ready. The Indian delegation proudly rolled out a yellow carpet, as the dying process to make the c...
Read full storyBob you are my Hero!
'Forget Bob the Builder it is Bob Green who we should be toasting!' exclaimed Penny to Terry as she arrived back breathless from Upton Park where the Hammers had drawn 1 - 1 with Fulham. 'In the last two games Bob Green has earned us four points on his own. He had a fantastic game against Tottenham and now was even better against Fulham. We might be bottom of the league but another win and we w...
Read full storyPolice Chief Warns of Increase in Cyber Crime
A police commissioner has warned that there will definitely be an increase in cyber crime both this year and next. Even as he spoke, somebody had stolen 4 laptops from his office. "Obviously, this proves a point!" he said. In Seine News found out...
Read full storySign of the Apocolypse: Pee Wee Herman To Host WWE Raw November 1st.
In an inconceivable merger of the two things in the universe that are as diametrically opposed to one another as matter and anti-matter, children's entertainer Pee-wee Herman has been announced as the special guest star for the November 1 edition of...
Read full storyMesbah Yazdi through Ahmadinejad asks the Undertaker to Bury Obama
Ayatollah Mesbah Yazdi, Nostradamus' Third Antichrist 'Mabus' is the ventriloquist and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is his talking puppet. Mesbah (pronounced 'Maybah') Yazdi, called the theoretician of violence by the other Iranian clerics in his book calls f...
Read full storyLinda McMahon Uses Dead Wrestlers' Royalty Fees To Finance Campaign
Super-Patriot Linda McMahon, then-CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, announced that she would run for the U.S. Senator from Connecticut's seat in September, 2009. And, as a show of good-faith to her constituents, she announced that she would n...
Read full storyCamilla Misses Commonwealth Games Ceremony
We can report that Camilla, Prince Charles' mate, missed the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games due to a bout of stable cough. Stable cough can be caused by sleeping in infected straw. For security reasons Camilla was not allowed to fly to...
Read full storyAnimal Rights Groups Upset Over 'Cool' Catnip
"Behold the Super Custom Blend," reads the first line of the company's website. But, instead of it being the lead sentence for Snoop Dogg's Fansite, it is for a e-tailer of an odd product: The World's Strongest Catnip. And animal rights groups are...
Read full storyBBC Countryfile Presenter Eaten by Giant Otter
BBC Countryfile Presenter and Strictly, surprisingly good, dancer Matt Baker has been eaten by a giant otter in what the BBC called an unprecedented accident. The programme's producers had heard stories of a giant otter taking sheep and goats on t...
Read full storyCharlie Boy Opens Commonwealth
It's Open! No, not the chip shop down the road. The 19th Commonwealth Games was officially opened by Prince Charles, who made an iconic speech to mark the day. "It gives me great joy to say that the Commonwealth Games. It would give me greater joy...
Read full storyWebsite pulls North Face holdall customer review section
London - (Lost Luggage News): A website marketing the North Face holdall - similar to the one that bagged up MI6 cryptographer Gareth Williams - has pulled its customer reviews offline. Last week the site had displayed dozens of personal testimoni...
Read full storySupermarket Tesbury's Competition not very well received
Supermarket giant Tesbury's recently run competition was won by the only person who entered. The competition was a simple question and answer competition, where the question was "Name the first man on the moon." Marjorie Simpson of Inglenook, Y...
Read full storyCriminals to be arrested by e-mail
The Home Office announced today that in a major cost-cutting drive criminals are now to be arrested by e-mail. Chief Constable Bill Old confirmed the new policy and explained that Police Officers were far too busy filling in paperwork to be able t...
Read full storyBi-Curious Grandmothers a rarity. Yes! We have no Bi-Nana's today.
A recent research group looking into socio-sexual proclivities have discovered that straight males are alleged to be the most common group. They say 'alleged' as it appears there may be some undecided or those that wish to keep this to themselves.
Read full storyPentagon's International Space Station eye-in-the-sky plots Stuxnet spread
Space - (The Final Affrontiere): Conspiracy theorists yesterday blamed the virus for thousands of computerised supermarket till crashes in the UK. But the existence of a secret Pentagon space station installation, said to be monitoring the Stuxnet...
Read full storyMan gets cup of tea, was expecting coffee. Mouth upset.
A local man is undergoing counselling today following a beverage related miscommunication between him and a friend he was visiting. The events unfolded as the local gent was asked by his friend if he wanted a cuppa, due to the kettle being on and...
Read full storyCBS Correspondent Career Up in Smoke as Feds Bust In On Marijuana 'Victory Garden' Inspired by Michelle.
CBS Anchor Howard Arenstein was arrested by Narcotic Officers after neighbors in Washington complained of illegal agricultural activity in a residential neighborhood. Arriving at the scene, officers found an International Harvester Combine Machin...
Read full storyFabled Tory 'Gatecrashers Only' champagne reception on ice
Birmingham - (Bottoms Up News): "Personally, I blame this newfangled LibDem austerity malarkey for seeping into the Party spirit," one disgruntled Conference delegate grumbled today. And complain he might. The cancellation of the annual 'Gatec...
Read full storyFormer Heathrow Airport Security Worker to Release 2011 Full-Body Scan Calendar
LONDON, England - An enterprising former airport security worker has hatched a plan to take some of the very best photos he captured of various co-workers and travelers coming through the newly installed full-body scanners at Heathrow Airport and off...
Read full storyRevolutionary new medical procedure
Medical experts in the US have developed a completely new surgical procedure to combat what had become known as the Slack Alice Syndrome, particularly prevalent among young celebrity female's, though most of the older ones would certainly also benefit from the procedure. It has been likened to the rebore and sleeve sytem used to revamp old engines in bygone days. Inventor and surgeon extraordin...
Read full storyFacebroker Replaces Facebook in Somalia
High seas pirates tired of battling high seas and all those US and French Naval ships have decided to become landlubbers again and do what their fellow continental Nigerians are doing, scamming people from solid ground. They've opened a new operat...
Read full story2012 proved wrong: it's tomorrow you should worry about, says Daily Mail
Outrage in the UK as the Daily Mail has predicted the End of the World (for the 1,000th time... this year). Claims of the Earth being swallowed by a black hole/ left in John Prescott's fridge/ attacked by Spiny Norman on 21st December 2012 were pr...
Read full storyLocal woman runs out of toilet roll
In Local news, a recently local woman is said to be in a stable condition following a shopping related mishap, where she inadvertently neglected to purchase supplies of her usual toilet tissue. It is reported however that she had purchased a larg...
Read full storyPornographic Symbols Showing Up in Hidden Objects Puzzles
Puzzle solvers on various internet game sites are beginning to see pornographic symbols in the puzzles they are solving, and, while some find it amusing, others find it quite distracting. One game in particular "The Secret Case Files of Mr. Mondo"...
Read full storyCommunications received from newly discovered planet Gliese 581g
In a startling development regarding the newly discovered Earth-like "Goldilocks" planet known as Gliese 581g, A NASA spokesman has revealed that communications have been received, apparently confirming that life does indeed exist on other planets.
Read full storyObama Honors Pledge: Sends NASA Head to Somalia to "Help More Muslims Blast Off Into Space!"
After a decent interval of silence after a public outcry, President Barry Obama has sent NASA head Charles Bolton on a Muslim Outer Space Outreach Program encompassing Saudi Arabia, Libya, UAE, Nepal, and culminating in Somalia. Obama who stated i...
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