Linda McMahon Uses Dead Wrestlers' Royalty Fees To Finance Campaign

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Sunday, 3 October 2010


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Super-Patriot Linda McMahon, then-CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, announced that she would run for the U.S. Senator from Connecticut's seat in September, 2009.

And, as a show of good-faith to her constituents, she announced that she would not use one cent of public campaign funds to buy her Senate seat.

Instead, she will spend $50 million of her own money, coming almost exclusively from the royalties that would have to be paid to wrestlers, had they not tragically died so young.

"I feel that each and every member of the WWE is part of my family," said Linda McMahon, allegedly. "And, just like I exploit my family, I shall exploit their memory by using the money that should go to their widows and orphans to finance my purchase of the Senate seat.

Indeed, on May 21, 2010, she thanked the tragic victims of her family's alleged greed and corruption, when she won a majority of support from the Connecticut Republican Party.

"If it were not for all of those wrestlers who died before age 50, I could not promise lower taxes, fiscal conservatism, and exploitation of the people of Connecticut," said McMahon's acceptance speech, which was written in Aramaic, the native language of McMahon and all Demons and hell-spawn.

"So, thank you Lance Cade, Jay Youngblood, Rick McGraw, Joey Marella, Ed Gatner, Buzz Sawyer, Crash Holly, Kerry Von Erich, D.J. Peterson, Eddie Gilbert, The Renegade, Chris Candido, Test, Adrian Adonis, Gary Albright, Bobby Duncum Jr., Owen Hart, Yokozuna, Big Dick Dudley, Brian Pillman, Marianna Komlos, Umaga, Pitbull, The Wall/Malice, Emory Hale, Leroy Brown, Mark Curtis, Eddie Guerrero, John Kronus, Davey Boy Smith, Johnny Grunge, Chris Kanyon, Vivian Vachon, Jeep Swenson, Brady Boone, Terry Gordy, Bertha Faye, Billy Joe Travis, Larry Cameron, Rick Rude, Randy Anderson, Bruiser Brody, Miss Elizabeth, Big Boss Man, Earthquake, Mike Awesome, Biff Wellington, Brian Adams (Crush), Ray Candy, Nancy Benoit (Woman), Dino Bravo, Curt Hennig, El Gigante/Giant Gonzalez, Bam Bam Bigelow, Jerry Blackwell, Junkyard Dog, Hercules, Toni Adams, Andre the Giant, Big John Studd, Chris Adams, Mike Davis, Hawk, Mitsuharu Misawa, Ludvig Borga, Luna Vachon, Steve Dunn, Cousin Junior, Dick Murdoch, Jumbo Tsuruta, Rocco Rock, Sherri Martel and Steve Williams."

"This is for you."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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