Kevin Kolb Doesn't Wear Pink Magic Fairy-Cleats, Sucks.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Sunday, 3 October 2010


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Philadelphia, PA--- Snapping the hopes and dreams of Eagles fans worldwide, a particularly jarring tackle on dog-hater Michael Vick sent him to the locker room for x-rays with a rib injury.

"Aw, sh-t," the fans at the Linc cried in unison. In comes Kevin Kolb.

Kolb proceeded to lead the Eagles on a nearly 17 play, 69 yard drive that took them to 3rd and goal. LeSean McCoy took the ball to the goal line and a booth review said he did not cross the goal line. The Eagles then call a timeout as they plan to go for it on 4th and an inch. As they trot out to huddle up, the referees flag them for delay of game.

And that's when it becomes clear: Kolb is not wearing his pink magic fairy-cleats.


That, because of inadequate federal funding of the breast and cervical cancer screening program, fewer than one in five eligible women get the lifesaving breast cancer screening and treatment they need? Call your mom. Make sure she's had a mammogram recently. And tell her you love her.

Either way, the Eagles went from 4th and an inch to 4th and 5 where they had to go for a FG. The teams went into the locker room with the Skins up 17-6, and the Redskins never looked back, allowing the Eagles to kiss their ass following a 17-12 defeat.

And the magic fairy cleats?

"The NFL, and the Eagles are proud to support the fight against breast cancer," said head coach Andy Reid, while dipping a Turducken drumstick into a large Dairy Queen Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard. "Throughout October, we'll feature playerss wearing pink game apparel to raise awareness for the campaign."

"And our special pink cleats are actually magic," continued Reid, slurping on a Venti Mint Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino with Chocolate Whipped Cream. "We've added macig fairy dust, and everyone who wore them played magically today."

The proof was in the pudding, said Reid, --who was then distracted by his own mention of the word 'pudding'-- by looking at former Eagles QB Donovan McNabb's stats: 13 for 44, 198 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT, a QB Rating of 68.4...

... and the win!

"It had to be the Magic Fairy-Cleats," said McNabb. "I sucked today, just like I always sucked playing in Philadelphia. This time I sucked in Maroon and Gold. And Pink

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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