Former Heathrow Airport Security Worker to Release 2011 Full-Body Scan Calendar

Written by Charpa93

Sunday, 3 October 2010

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Mr. January

LONDON, England - An enterprising former airport security worker has hatched a plan to take some of the very best photos he captured of various co-workers and travelers coming through the newly installed full-body scanners at Heathrow Airport and offer them in full display on a wall calendar for the upcoming year.

Entitled "Where'd Me Bloody Bloomers Go?" is in production and should be in book stores and novelty shops in time for the Christmas holiday season.

The idea came about after a security worker was reprimanded and eventually sacked for showing his fellow workers scanned pictures that he had lifted off the filming device of the scanners. "It's going to be one of the best-selling calendars of all time," claims Clive Burkensquattingly of Berkshire, a former banking executive who lost that job last year through a series of misfortunes involving some missing money.

"I knew as soon as I saw the way that machine worked, I was going to be able to make something off of it, and I was right," he said. While authorities have already issued a preliminary mandate to all stores to remove any calendars they receive in shipment, it is unclear whether that mandate will be honored as a calendar of this sort just has never been done before and Burkensquattingly is counting on the novelty to spur shop owners to disregard the law long enough to make a sizeable profit from the sale of photos of people with no clothing on. Yes, Clive, novel idea indeed. Amazing no one has thought of the concept until now.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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