Britain's Got Talent: 16-Year-Old Josh Barry Is A Top Contender
LONDON - The young man is only 16. He has a pyramid hairdo. His pants are down below his hips. And he has boxer shorts with red hearts on them. But Josh Barry is an early favorite on one of England's top reality shows, Britain's Got Talent. He won...
Read full storyNick Clegg is Britain's biggest lottery winner
A 43 year old civil servant has become the UK's biggest Lottery winner after stepping forward to claim the 84 million pound record prize. Nick Clegg from London didn't even realize he had won the fortune until his wife found the ticket in a pair...
Read full storyThames To Close For Repairs
The Thames will be closed from next Tuesday for essential repairs, the River Authority announced today. Repairs will be carried out between the Thames Barrier and Kingston, with a 100% restriction on movements of water, boats, fish and sewage.
Read full storyAustralia Names its "Wanker of the Year"
Magazine Ralph has controversially called food handling tough - but popular - Australian food critic at the top of its annual 100 "Wankers" list, Master Chef judge Matt Preston was ejaculated for being "pompous" - though you could add every curse kno...
Read full storySuBo fanatic cashes in!
In an astonishing twist of events, the chief Susan Boyle fanatic tonight announced that he is cashing in. For the first time ever the chief fanatic has admitted that the red scarf wearing loonies are actually a business called Fanatical Loonies Incor...
Read full storyMex-Tax Latest Controversial Bill Passed by Arizona Legislature
Phoenix, AZ - Beginning the first week in August, Arizonans will face a new tax. This tax has been titled the "Mex-tax" to signify exactly what the taxes will be targeting, i.e. any and all goods and services that are Mexican in nature. The ½ percent...
Read full storyAshley Greene Agrees To Delay Playboy Spread Until After Last Twilight
Twilight star Ashley Greene told reporters today that she may be seeing them later on via Playboy Magazine, probably early next year. She stated that nothing was final and she wanted the last Twilight in the can before she made any major decision...
Read full storyOver The Rainbow - Andrew Lloyd Webber Wins It!
Our source, eccentric British film director Buffty Ginslinger has been telling us for weeks now that the eventual winner of the search for a Dorothy for The Wizard Of Oz will be none other than Andrew Lloyd-Webber himself. We didn't believe him.
Read full storyBNP and Greens Come Together in "Historic Union"
Political history may be made this evening as former political adversaries, The British Nutter Party and The Greens, are to form a power sharing alliance. Political commentator and out of work plumber Kevin Gouda of Rotherham broke the news after...
Read full storyBooze for Books
Cowpoke News in Bijou, Montana. Named after a theater somewhere, Bijou doesn't have a ten-plex or even a one-plex. Bijou does however have a huge library, rivaling many a large city, which was built thanks to a local rancher, Bill Bunch. Bunch...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Alleged Gay Companion in Hiding
The self-confessed lover of Michael Jackson says he is hiding out following death threats by Michael Jackson's fans. Jason Pfeiffer says some of the threats are gruesome and graphic and have him scared for his life. Jackson's dermatologist, Dr.
Read full storySusan Boyle Wets Them After Death Hand Reaches Out!
Susan Boyle, who has been going to a psychiatrist for some time now, even predating her launch toward Stardom on "Britain's Got Talent", finally told a member of the press about her nightmares. Boyle doesn't like to have ten people hounding her w...
Read full storyObamacare Reveals First Schedules
The Obama Health Care Plan (a.k.a. Obamacare) rolled out the first of their schedules that will begin effective January 1. Some examples are as follows: Childbirth: May only take place on Mondays between 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. (unless the Monday falls on a Federal holiday) and Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and midnight. Persons expecting delivery (male or female) must check into the hospital th...
Read full storyKinky Friedman Reveals Story Behind Song Lyrics
Kinky Friedman has finally given the inspiration behind his hit single "Asshole From El Paso." Friedman, who ran unsuccessfully for Governor of the Lone Star State, said that "I guess everyone knows that my song is a take off on I'm Proud to Be and Okie From Muskogee. Well, I really did know an Asshole From El Paso, and I thought that I would be like Weird Al Yankovic and change around the lyr...
Read full storyObama To Dissolve Congress
President Barack Obama, in an unprecedented move, has announced plans to dissolve the Senate and the House of Representatives. The movement has already been upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court, whose vote to support the measure was unanimous considering the guns put to their heads. Said Obama in a news conference in the White House Briefing Room, "The American People have spoken. We need to stay...
Read full storyLeaked transcript of Cameron interview released
An shocking untransmitted interview between David Cameron and Andrew Marr has been leaked to the press. The full transcript can be seen below. BBC 16/5/10: CAMERON/MARR INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT (UNAIRED) DC: Hello there, hi, nice to see you again. AM: Hello. DC: It's good that you're talking to me now, actually. Better than if you were talking to me earlier. We were very busy ea...
Read full storyMan's life revolves around a reality show?
I have to tell you I've seen some things in my time but this guy takes the (TV) box. I appreciate it people just telling it like it is, as most of us do, man this weirdo believes the need to go further than that, to an extreme level - direct attack. Now being the attackee, it worries me little, but I worry for the attacker. Those that seem to think that communication just isn't right if i...
Read full storyWill Young To Star As Geoff Hurst In Ben Elton's 1966 - The Musical!
Sir Ben Elton, one time stand up comedian cum novelist and respected West End Producer has announced that as it's World Cup year and England don't stand a cat in hell's chance of winning it, he's going to give us all something to shout about. '196...
Read full storyClint Eastwood In Bollywood Film Gives New Meaning To "Cowboys and Indians"
The recently announced Bollywood movie starring Clint Eastwood and Sam Elliot has given new meaning to the term "Cowboys and Indians." The two film stars, most famous for their hard hitting westerns (Unforgiven, Pale Rider, The Good, the Bad, and th...
Read full storyPussy Willows Upset College Women
A group of female protesters in Los Angeles from several area Universities picketed local nurseries over their growing and selling of Pussy Willows. The students and faculty members felt that the plants degraded women in general and were inappropria...
Read full storyVolcanic Ash Cloud enters Labour leadership bid
The most hated cloud in Europe has returned to the UK after its holiday in Spain and has decided to challenge Ed and Dave Milliband from the Chemical Brothers for the leadership of the Labour party. Ed and Dave have just finished recording their s...
Read full storyAfrican Editions of National Georgraphic Magazine Feature Naked Caucasians
Business managers for the Kenyan edition of National Georgraphic admit that they are turning the tables on the traditional magazine. While most copies will show naked African, South American, or Pacific Island natives without their clothing, the new...
Read full storyDolly Llama Toys Upset Tibet
Persons in Tibet and other countries who follow the Dalai Lama are upset by the new Mattel Price "Dolly Llama" toys. The plush figures are meant to be ridden on by Barbie Dolls and other figures in the Barbie universe. When asked why they gave th...
Read full storyDon King's Family Reveals It's A Dead Chia Pet On His Head
The family of Don King, the boxing promoter with the strange hair, revealed today that it is actually a dead Chia Pet on his head. King has long been recognized for his straight up, strange hair style that adds at least eight inches to his height.
Read full storyCamilla stung by Nick 'Whorsefly' Clegg allegations
Scotland- (Rotters): "It's a wee blood-sucker alright," Birkhall village resident Dr Hamish McHaggis said today, "noted for a ferocious bite and ability to cause immense inflammatory pain. "Some reckon its true habitat involves grubbing around ins...
Read full storyRifle association approves Firearms Sales to Terrorists/Illegal Aliens
In an overwhelming vote the membership of the Non-official Rifle Association approved a resolution yesterday to sell firearms to terrorists and illegal aliens. "Damn straight," said one member. Every man, woman, and child in America has the right...
Read full storyPristine clean John Terry and Ashley Cole scoop the "Double"
Chelsea scandal pair, John Terry and Ashley Cole have scooped the "Double" in 2010. A master performance was required from both of them and the soccer world is now a better, cleaner place, in fact they have both been recommended as ambassadors for...
Read full storyThe Stupid Questions Wives Ask - And Some Handy Responses
Sometimes women say the funniest things. They don't mean to, but they do. And women just love asking their husband's questions which are virtually impossible to answer. The solution to this is to state the bleedin' obvious. "What are you thinking about?" Why? Why do they ask this question? An honest answer can only lead to trouble. Suggested response: "You don't want to know. It's too...
Read full storyUS to finance Israeli rocket defence system and Palestinian concrete Bunkers!
President Obama is desperate for congress to pass legislation so he can "fly" on with his plans to finance a brand new Israeli rocket defence system. Palestinians have also asked the US to finance theirs, but they refused on the grounds that ther...
Read full storyMexican Presidential Candidate Feared Kidnapped, Killed, and Stuffed in Tortilla on Arizona Border!
It appears that a former Mexican Presidential Candidate might have become the 22,001 murder victim of warring drug cartels since 2006 as parts of a dismembered corpse has been found stuffed in a tortilla and left just across the border from Arizona a...
Read full storyObama: "No Comment" on Reports he Hired Edward's Mistress Reille Hunter as Videographer on WH Blog!
Reille Hunter, the woman with the camera whose nude video sexcapade with former Democratic Presidential Candidate John Edwards was taken showing the moment of conception of their love child, has been reportedly hired by the Obama Media Empire. Th...
Read full storyBP Announces Another New Oil Clean-up Plan
CCN (Crazy Cal News) Gulf of Mexico - Since the last efforts to stop the leak have failed, BP has put their top scientists to work on the clean-up plan to protect the coast. After contacting consultants in Hollywood, the stylists have recommended p...
Read full story2012: Bildungsroman for the Junior Depends Set
Roland Emmerich's 2012 is not just another schlock disaster movie with overwrought CGI and abysmal dialogue. No, 2012 is, in fact, the story of one young girl's quest to overcome personal adversity, a Hero's Journey that would make the late Joseph Campbell weep, if he still had tear ducts with which to weep. Our story begins with the innocence of Eden. In this case, Eden includes estranged di...
Read full storyAustralia - Canberra Gay Couples lock lips
Gay couples locked lips in the national capital in a romantic protest aimed at winning the right to get married. About 200 people attended the event, which was organised in Civic by Equal Love Canberra - and at least a dozen of them took up the ch...
Read full storyUnwlecomed Seaman - took on Melbourne's Day Against Homophobia
Australia - Melbourne's International Day Against Homophobia Equal Love rally wasn't the place for Seaman, the lonely - one - old man - anti-gay activist with anti-gay sign in hand. The activist found that he was an unwelcome attraction as the 100...
Read full storyDevil on the March Part VIII
Between 16 Jan. 2009 and 17 Feb. 2009, the story of 'Devils on the March Part I-VII', was published here, of course, as fictitious, satirical, etc. Well, whatever, now, after one year, I would like to add another chapter to this horrible story. Just as a memory aid, I would like to remind the reader of how the first part of the story began: Today, at a hall, a contest was held to choose the ki...
Read full storyBP Oil Separation Experiment Proceeds As Planned
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Gulf of Mexico - BP's plans to use the Gulf of Mexico as a crude oil separation device are proceeding as planned. The 70,000 barrels of oil proceeding from the gash in the collapsed oil rig have been separating into different...
Read full storyGordon Brown plans revenge for electoral defeat
London, Sunday. Following his less than dignified fall from grace in the national election recently, former PM Gordon Brown, in a fit of pique, has declared that he will raise a people's militia and seize control of Scotland. "I'll have my vengea...
Read full storyDon McLeroy's Texas Education Changes Don't Go Far Enough!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Austin, TX - Don McLeroy's proposed May 2010 amendments to social studies curriculum standards for Texas public schools don't go far enough. Nowhere did I see any mention of Pecos Bill being responsible for founding the ca...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Argue In A Pedicure Salon
SOHO - The world's lovebirds have sort of turned into a couple of raving ravens. Rob and Kristen stopped in to each get a pedicure at The Yo Yo Girlfriend You Want We Make Your Pretty Feets To Look Dainty Like Girl Feet Should Be Salon. As Kriste...
Read full storyBGT - Simon Cowell 'Owns' Amanda Holden's Soul
A seemingly off the cuff remark by Simon Cowell to fellow BGT judge Amanda Holden rocked the world of show business to its very foundations last night. The furore began in Cardiff, when ex-factory worker and part time cleaner, Marlene, 62 took the...
Read full storyOrder! Order!
For our overseas readers and writers, the Speaker of the House of Commons utters these words to silence the Commons. The position of Speaker goes back to the 14th century and it is possibly the most respected post in the United Kingdom. The curren...
Read full storyThe Prisoner - 'Leave Him There. We Don't Care!' - Say Viewers
The recent remake of TV classic, 'The Prisoner' has been greeted with unprecedented apathy by viewers around the world. Quite frankly, nobody seems to give a damn whether Number Six escapes from the village or not, much less finds out what Number...
Read full storyTotalitarian Timelord Enrages 'Doctor Who' Enthusiasts
Doctor Who fans were baffled last night as the BBC mistakenly broadcast an edited episode intended for the Chinese market. Fans' forums erupted in futile despair as what seemed like a tense, well-crafted allegory for the potential of human endeavo...
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