Kinky Friedman has finally given the inspiration behind his hit single "Asshole From El Paso."
Friedman, who ran unsuccessfully for Governor of the Lone Star State, said that "I guess everyone knows that my song is a take off on I'm Proud to Be and Okie From Muskogee. Well, I really did know an Asshole From El Paso, and I thought that I would be like Weird Al Yankovic and change around the lyrics to the song."
For those unaware, some of the lyrics to Asshole From El Paso are as follows:
"We don't have no love-ins in El Paso
We don't go to porno picture shows
We don't swap our wives with our neighbors
And we keep our kids away from Old Mexico."
Chorus
"And I'm proud to be an asshole from El Paso
A place where sweet young virgins are deflowered.
You walk down the street knee-deep in tacos
Ta-ta-ta-tacos
And the wetbacks still get twenty cents an hour"
Friedman explained the song lyrics as follows:
"Back home, there was this kid named Elvin Jones. He had the most reddest hair in the whole county, brighter than Lucille Ball. Sorta what them English folks would call a Ginger. Around here, folks call that red on the head like dick on a dawg."
"Anyhow, Elvin was kind of an jerk as a kid, so people treated him the way that he deserved. No one showed up to his eighth or ninth birthday parties. See, Elvin was the one that the teacher picked to write names on the chalkboard when she left the room. Elvin was the one that reminded the teacher that she forgot to give them homework. Elvin was the one who told on the boys who drilled the whole through the bathroom wall to spy on the girls."
"For his tenth birthday, the other kids all agreed to come just to play a trick on him. They pulled out a big old wet dawg turd and told him that he had to eat it or they wasn't comin'. His Uncle Remus was across the street workin' at the fillin' station, so Elvin ran to him for protection."
"Remus told the boy, he was kinda sick of him too, that if he didn't eat the turd, Remus wasn't comin' to the birthday party neither (and Remus was the one who was bringin' the chocolate cake."
"Well, little Elvin commenced to eatin', and didn't puke once. He said that it was because the dog must have been eatin' Alpo beef chunks for dinner, and it tasted like Dinty Moore Beef Stew."
"At his birthday party, the other boys did show up. Instead of pin the tail on the donkey, however, they played pin the tail on the ass (Elvin)."
"When he was twelve, and going through them puberty changes and new feelings, Jesse McCracken and the whole seventh grade caught Elvin in the barn blowin' Stevie, the milkman's horse. Elvin also used to get excited when one of the neighborhood dawgs was in heat and was the boy that always got caught sniffing the girl's chairs and bicycle seats."
"The Principal of the Junior High School, my cousin Ed "Bubba" Buell, remembers that Elvin showed up at the 8th grade dance one time wearing his mama's bra and panties. Folks who heard about it thought that Elvin was trying to imitate Madonna and wear them on the outside of clothes, supposing that it was a costume party. Problem was, Madonna wasn't around then and Elvin was wearing nothing but the ladies undergarments."
"I don't know, but maybe he figured he couldn't get him a wedgie in panties, but they proved him wrong!"
"Just last year, as a present to hisself on his 40th birthday, Elvin rode his bicycle (he's afraid to drive) down to the county courthouse and filed himself a lawsuit against his parents. He said in it that they had mistreated him as a kid. He said that he had become an emotional cripple because of the frequent beatings, isolation from his friends, constant criticism, emotional trauma, and being made to sleep outside of the single wide in a tent when his parents were having sex parties with the neighbors."
"A tent! Elvin moved himself into the storage shed when he was fourteen years old, saying that he liked sniffing the chemicals and that it was the only place where he could curl up with the dog without being disturbed."
"I also don't know what sex parties he's talking about, since his sweet old Mama weighed about 400 pounds and never gave it up to anybody but his Daddy. His folks was great; he's the one what turned hisself into an Asshole."
"The funny thing about him ridin' that bike down to the courthouse to file the papers is that he never got over sniffin' bicycle seats, even his own. Her also still uses the same bike he got when he was a kid, with the sissy bar on back and the banana seat and the basket on front to carry his books. He also still puts playin' cards in his spokes and has those colored streamers on the grips of his handlebars."
"He also never learned to drive him a car, maybe cuz he's afraid of havin' to do something' with one of the girls in the back seat. His Daddy and Remus tried to teach him when he was a boy, but he loves that bicycle."
"Even his Daddy, Elmer Chuck Wagon Jones says that he had very little to do with the way young Elvin turned out. He told me that Elvin turned into an Asshole all by his lonesome with little poking' or proddin'."
"Anyway, that's my inspiration for my little old song."
"I know that Elvin never lived in El Paso, but I used that city name just cuz it rhymes with Asshole."
