Osama Bin Laden wears a dress
When Osama Bin Laden is in his cave in an attempt to have a good time, he wears a dress as well as lipstick in an effort to dress himself up like a woman. Osama Bin Laden lets only the highest ranking officers in his terror group see him this way,...
Read full storyEven More Letters To The Editor
Dear Sir, Your article about pantomimes brought back memories of when I was at art school and we wrote and performed in our own pseudo-pantomime called 'Aladdin & The Forty Critics: A History of Art Enslaved by Heterosexual Culture: This Is Not a Pantomime'. Well, the last part of the title is obviously a reference to Rene Magritte's seminal 'Ceci n'est pas une pipe'. Ronnie Kitaj and I ha...
Read full storyReal Madrid sack Jose Mourinho
Even before the season starts, the drama has began in Madrid as this morning the club announce the sacking of their Portuguese coach Jose Mourinho It was at the end of May that the supremos at Real spotted Jose Mourinho as the perfect repla...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Evil Medieval to Jump Beatty Creek
Cowes - Local daredevil Evil Medieval plans on resurrecting his career this weekend by attempting to jump the Carrollton Branch of Beatty Creek in a "State-of-the art" wooden ox-cart. A heavy timber carpenter from Rookley, Medieval rocketed to fame in the 1950's when he broke the Isle of Wight land speed record for ox-carts by shaving three days off of the passage from Freshwater to Sandown mai...
Read full storyJessica Simpson's New 'Free-Loading' Boyfriend Is Using Her Beyond Belief
PUNTA TRAGARA, Italy - Jessica Simpson celebrated her 30th birthday with her new boyfriend, or more accurately her new 'unemployed' boyfriend Eric Johnson. Johnson, an ex New Orleans Saints football player, who was let go two years ago because he...
Read full storyCheryl 'still has terribly itchy vulva' after mozzie bite
Surrey - (Wriggle-Ass Mess): It's one of those itches ya just can't scratch! And it's doing poor Cheryl's head in. The singer is recovering at home after an elegy - er, allergy! - reaction to sitting bare-assed on the Harris Tweed(y) livery of her...
Read full storyEastman-Kodak Will Die Within the Year
Open your wallet and take out a $20.00 bill. Think of what you can buy with it: an 8gb thumb-drive, dinner for two at Wendy's, perhaps an Old Navy hoodie, if they are on sale. Now, imagine that, before you spend that Twenty, you have to give $17.
Read full storyExpect a Titanic disaster as Queen starts Western Isles cruise!
Stornoway - (Auf Wiedersehen, Pest! News): Astrologers were predicting a karmic typhoon in Western Scottish waters next week as the Queen boarded the MV Hellfire Hebridean Princess this afternoon. Dozens of the Ratzinger coven are accompanying th...
Read full story"The Greatest Talk Show Ever" Set To Replace Soap After 54 Years, May Replace Oprah
In a bold, brilliant move, CBS has announced its plans to replace As The World Turns, which has been generating ad revenue since 1956, with a 'View'-like talk show hosted by six women. "We looked at several different programs to replace 'As The Wo...
Read full storyJesse James Has Somehow Convinced His Ex-Wife Sandra Bullock To Take Him Back - Wow! The Dude Deserves An Oscar For 'Best Actor'
AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock was sitting high on her mansion, Casa La Sandra, located just outside of Austin thinking about her future. She reportedly told an old high school friend, Bree Navarro that she misses Jesse so much she does not know if up is...
Read full storyThe Life and Times of "Morse" Morseman, an American Hero
Far too many news and magazine articles focus on the trivial or the trite when when stories that should matter, stories that shape the very fabric of our lives, go unnoticed, unappreciated, and where true heroes go unrewarded. So too goes the story of a native South Carolinian, former Navy man, cryptographer and all around decent guy, Morse Morseman. A name you might never have heard of, and a...
Read full storyStill The Waiting Continues
They came again, not the woman from last time but a man this time. Last time they came he was not alone but this time Seaton Carew had no one with him. No one to answer the door, no one to lie for him. This time there was nobody. So he waited. Waited for them to go. Waited, hiding behind the door, hoping they wouldn't spot him. They even went to the back door, the wide open back door. F...
Read full storyWoman Describes Her Trousers
A woman named Carol Jones has written a pamphlet in which she describes in intricate detail her trousers. Over the course of the 32-pages, Carol tries to explain to the public why she wears such a silly pair of pants. "When I married my husband...
Read full storyLos Angeles Police Uncover A Plot That Had Lindsay Lohan Being Busted Out of Prison By Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Samantha Ronson
LOS ANGELES - The LAPD working on tips from 139 different anonymous informants have reported that they have uncovered a semi-elaborate plot that would have had Lindsay Lohan escaping from The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women. The female perps who ar...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Claims Mary Kennedy Should Rot in Jail
When Lindsay Lohan heard the news that Mary Kennedy, wife of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. (don't even try to figure out which one he is) got nary so much as a slap on the wrist for driving drunk in May of this year, Lohan was furious. "Just who the hell...
Read full storyUnread Spoof Writer Stands IN Rain All Day Begging for Just One Fan & Scores Big!
Struggling Manchester Spoof Writer Sean Hornpiper, an affable chap in real life, but with no real journalistic or imaginative ability, was finally driven in desperation today to go out into the world to find at least one loyal fan. Standing in th...
Read full storyDr. Victor Nicholas Rated #1 Psychiatrist in Canada
Though most famous for his barbed discourse in published medical news articles and editorial commentary, noted Psychiatrist Dr. Victor Nicholas has been named as the best practitioner in his field by patients and peers, as recorded by the consumer wa...
Read full storyPsychic Says Kate Gosselin and Sarah Palin Camping Together Bad Idea
In yet another scenario that puts the lives of the Gosselin kids in a scary situation, it has just been announced that the Gosselin gaggle is in Alaska filming a camping trip with none other than the mama grizzly herself, Sarah Palin. But before you get all excited about this being a wonderful opportunity for two very head-strong women to meet up, track bear, and bury the hatchet over past disagre...
Read full storyGriffin, the story so far
London, UK. It is becoming evidently clear that Nick Griffin, the leader of the British National Party, has stepped way out of line in the last few days. After bemoaning his Buckingham Palace snub, Griffin has now embarked on taking control of Britis...
Read full storyRobert Kennedy Jr. Wife Pleads Guilty Of DUI Again! Pleads For Mercy!
Although Mary Kennedy is in the midst of a divorce with Robert Kennedy Jr., she will be busy now settling with a judge on her most recent DUI case. In court, she once again pleaded guilty to a lesser charge (Jaywalking), but this time she will hav...
Read full storyJon Venables used 'body-double' for court video appearance.
As news is released that convicted child-killer, Jon Venables, is to be jailed for two years over shocking child pornography charges, we can now reveal that Venables was not even in court to hear his own sentence and he is currently not even in the c...
Read full storyJanet Jackson To Play Michael Jackson In New Movie
Since many of his fans can't get enough of Michael Jackson and miss him so much, Advantage Pictures are talking to Janet Jackson about playing the role of her brother in a new movie about his life, "I Never Promised You A Nose Garden". "If anyone...
Read full storyFern Britton in drain accident horror
Reports are emerging that weight loss daytime TV queen, Fern Britton has today suffered an unfortunate accident. It is believed that the accident happened when the gastric banded beauty was on her way to the channel 5 studios to finalsie arrangeme...
Read full storyShoplifting Bonanza!
In a far sighted and highly progressive move Humberside Police have been prioritising their daily workload in order to give staff longer tea and lunch breaks and to minimise the time wasted on actually trying to catch criminals, all of which costs mo...
Read full storyBoris Johnson's Sex Secrets Revealed
Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, is quite a mouthful. Quite literally, if you are inclined to believe his own opinion as to why he is so successful with members of the opposite sex. 'Word has obviously got around about my enormous manly appenda...
Read full storyDweebs, Geeks, and Virgins Gear Up for Comic Con
Costume and fabric stores were on high alert this week, as throngs of predominantly male, over 30 nebbishes, rushed to complete their favorite super hero suit in time for the Annual Comic Con International convention in San Diego. With red, electr...
Read full storyPublic Outcry As Jon Venables Only Gets Two Years For Child Porn Offences
There was an outcry in the UK today as child-killer Jon Venables was sentenced to a mere two years in prison after pleading guilty to downloading and distributing indecent images of children - including the rape of an eight year old girl. Venables...
Read full storyHarbinger of Doom eyes Ascot's King George
Ascot - (Portents): It's the numerology of Sunday's 19.37GMT lunar ingress into the sign of Aquarius that's freaking out the punters. Online spreadbetting site Aintgottaprayer.con has reported a Chinese wall of money on 9/4 second favorite Harbing...
Read full storyPharmacists told 'Just do what you Like!'
A revised code of conduct issued by the new industry regulator, will effectively mean that Pharmacy staff will be able to choose which drugs they dispense and which they do not, in accordance with their own beliefs. The General Pharmaceutical Coun...
Read full storyUnions are daft
About 40yrs ago Michigan was the thriving hub of "Mo-town". Now some of the industry cities are being turned back to fields and woods and have a 'bear' problem. So what happened? Germany and Japan still make a lot of cars. The problem was 3 fold -...
Read full storyWhat a Porker! Simon Cowell sued by Pig
Britain's last surviving coalminer, stunning Emma Czikai, has today announced plans to sue Simon Cowell for £30m lost earnings due to her failing to pass a recent Britain's Got Talent audition. Despite Czikai having the looks, voice and personalit...
Read full storyNick Griffin To Have A Picnic In Green Park In Protest At Royal Garden Party Snub
Following his much publicised rejection as a Royal Garden Party guest, BNP fuhrer Nick Griffin has announced that he will host an 'alternative' garden party by having a protest picnic in nearby Green Park. Mr Griffin told reporters that he would g...
Read full storyCheryl Cole mosquito meets its doom in Taiwanese TV presenter's gob
Taipei - (Deep Throat News): The pesky gnat that caused so much trouble to the UK national treasure finally met its match yesterday. China Television Co anchor Huang Ching had just been reading an update on Ms Cole's malaria recovery when her pret...
Read full storyNew Big Brother For Channel Five?
Horror of horrors! It's been announced that if Richard Desmond gets his way and successfully gains ownership of Channel Five, that plans are afoot to launch even more 'celebrity' and reality TV shows. Possibly including Big Brother, currently on its...
Read full storyInsurance industry enters 'death spiral'
The legacy of a government obsessed with hammering the motorist is that up to one in four motorists don't bother with insurance. There are multiple benefits to this depending on how criminally daring the motorist is. Having no insurance saves £10K...
Read full storyEU Considering Kangaroo Meat Ban
Kangaroo meat is low in fat, healthy to eat, and by all accounts, rather tasty - and yet the European Union appear to be all set to ban it. Why? Concerns have been raised over hygiene, and the fact that kangaroo hunters bash little joey's heads...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Divorce over teapot
A Ventnor couple, Julian, 24, and Julie Jules, 24, are to divorce after a row over a teapot. As reported last week, it was discovered that a teapot with matching cup and saucer left to Julian by his grandmother was a valuable antique Dutch teapot...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Teapot Surprise
Julie, 24, and Julian Jules, 25, of Ventnor had a tidy little windfall last week. Julian's grandmother, Jillian, had left them an ornate flowery teapot, single cup and saucer in her will. Jillian Jules was well known in Ventnor, and was often seen...
Read full storyDishonesty is the Best Policy
The conflict between good and evil, introduced by Zoroaster, over 3000 years ago, is as old as the hills. Hypothetically, good and evil resemble a man and his shadow, in which evil reverses its position in accordance with the direction of light. Accidentally, it seems that good or evil can simultaneously reproduces the opposite just like photography: negative image versus positive prints. U...
Read full storyNorm Coleman Has Longest Head of Any Man Alive, Almost
Sometimes when reporting on a legitimate news item such as the fact that a former Minnesota senator is eyeing the soon-to-be vacant chair of the RNC currently held by Michael Steele, you get so side-tracked just by a photo. This is so in the prese...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Doing Better than Expected in Jail
While her cell isn't posh by any means, Lindsay Lohan does seem to be faring quite well in jail according to the constant stream of visitors who have been to see her since being locked up. Although the rules clearly state that prisoners are only allo...
Read full storyObama Asks Conservatives for Legitimate List of People They Would Like to See Fired
In yet another bold move by President Obama to prove to the country that he is willing to put partisan politics aside and do what is best for the country, has asked for a list from the leaders of various conservative and libertarian groups naming dem...
Read full storyLetters from Summer Camp Keep Pouring In
It's been a busy camp season this summer. Kids from all over have been writing home to their parents letting them know the highlights and the lowlights of their two-week camping adventures. In this next installment, we've gotten hold of a couple of letters from some older teens who attended two not so run-of-the-mill camps. Dear Mother, I just cannot believe how utterly ridiculous this camp...
Read full storyTrust Me: Blockbuster Video is Dead.
If, on March 20, 2002, you had the fortunate forethought to dump, say, 150 shares of common stock in Blockbuster, Inc. (NYSE: BBI), you would have netted a cool $4,357. Not a King's ransom, but a nice chunk of change. The value of those same 150 s...
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