Stornoway - (Auf Wiedersehen, Pest! News): Astrologers were predicting a karmic typhoon in Western Scottish waters next week as the Queen boarded the MV Hellfire Hebridean Princess this afternoon.
Dozens of the Ratzinger coven are accompanying the clan matriarch on the ten day jaunt aboard refitted former Zeebrugge disaster car ferry the Herald of Free Enterprise.
Friday's brilliant sunshine and dazzling azure skies saw HM and a dozen members of her freeloading royal benefit scrounger mob pile into the 2112-gross-tonnage cruiser.
The vessel was listing somewhat to starboard under the weight of its royal payload.
This includes 100 cases of vintage Dom Perignon, half a hundredweight of Royal Beluga Caviar, more recreational drugs than actually seized by the Met Police in all of January-June 2010 and the Palace's high tech banknote counterfeiting equipment.
The voyage is to take in the Outer Hebrides which, stargazers have repeatedly warned, are notoriously susceptible to the hellish influences of karmic astrology.
Monday's Aquarius full moon is likely to be a doddle, however, as an awesome Sun-Jupiter aspects easily outranks other, irritating planetary oppositions.
As with all major phases of the moon the weather is likely to alter dramatically following new waning or waxing cycles.
And it may not be until Mars, the fiery warrior planet, moves into Libra late next week that conditions aboard the Hellfire get distinctly choppy.
Any terminal squall is more likely to occur around the 30/31st when Mars conjoins Saturn and opposes the Moon/Uranus/Jupiter triplicity in Aries.
The odds of the entire royal Hellfire Club puppet monarchy sinking on their £200,000 'austerity' Scottish cruise have been ciut dratamically to 25/1.