Surrey - (Wriggle-Ass Mess): It's one of those itches ya just can't scratch! And it's doing poor Cheryl's head in.
The singer is recovering at home after an elegy - er, allergy! - reaction to sitting bare-assed on the Harris Tweed(y) livery of her new Volvo C69 Coupe.
The wool-blend mix cloth of the driver's seat is said to play havoc with post-Brazilian early days.
Of course the idea of wearning something underneath her miniskirt while behind the wheel didn't actually occur to Our Cheryl - mostly because she's not normally prone to bizarre, newfangled fads.
Worst of all a hospital-imposed ban on all sexual activity until the end of the course of anti-malariial medication has seen the singer tear at her hair extensions.
So what's the real problem, Cheryl-love?
"Right sore fanny, chook, that's what" La Cole wailed today as a freak throbbing sensation 'down below' continued to interfer with her womanly needs.
Derek Hough is 69.
