In a bizarre twist to what has become a sad and seemingly never-ending saga, a doctor from Yorkshire has intimated that he is now intending to sue comedian and one-time cheese connoisseur Paul Whitemouse for breach of copyright.
The story began several years ago when Dr Alfred Foster, a general practitioner from the picturesque village of Eckerslyke in the Yorkshire Dales, made a trip to the West Country. While visiting Gloucester, and during a particularly torrential and unseasonal downpour, Dr Foster stepped into a puddle which -due to the negligent maintenance of the pavement by Gloucester County Council- concealed a rather large hole which caused the puddle to go right up to his middle.
Dr Foster's initial reaction was 'Aw, bugger', a sentiment that was to prove apposite, as a burst section of unlubricated pipework had ripped through his trousers and penetrated his sphincter, causing significant rectal damage and an unsolicited and sustained period of colonic irrigation. In addition he also suffered profound psychological damage, in the form of post traumatic stress disorder, which apparently led to him never going to Gloucester again.
Having eventually reached an out-of-court settlement (actual figure undisclosed) with Gloucester City Council, Dr Foster anticipated that that was the end of the matter. However, whilst recently attending a medical conference in Harrogate, Dr Foster was apparently 'channel surfing' in his hotel room when quite by chance he came across the 'Dave' channel, which happened to be showing repeats of The Fast Show.
"I were staggered," said Dr Foster "to discover that without a 'by your bloody leave' one of them there so-called comedians had made light of me bloody predicament. He's just ripped off me story, called the bugger 'Unlucky Alf', an' taken all't bloody royalties to boot! I'll tell thee what, ol' sunshine! They may stand for that bloody nonsense in London, but we're not so bloody soft up here! I'm going to sue his chuffin' arse!'
The comedian concerned, Paul Whitemouse, denied emphatically that his 'Unlucky Alf' character was in any way based on the unfortunate case of Dr Foster, and vowed to defend the claim vigorously. Fortunately for Mr Whitemouse, the contract for his recent run of advertisements for the Aviva insurance company, purely by coincidence, included a clause providing him with full legal insurance protection against claims by deranged Yorkshire doctors. A spokesperson for Aviva confirmed that that they had already taken steps to instruct one of the country's leading barristers, Rowley Birkin QC, to conduct Mr Whitemouse's defence.
Rowley Birkin QC was unfortunately unavailable for comment, due be being 'very, very drunk.'
