Sarah Palin Buys George Bush's Texas Ranch
WASILLA, Alaska - Governor Sarah Palin and her husband Todd, The First Dude, have just purchased President George Bush's Texas Ranch. The 1,583 acre ranch, was originally supposed to have been bought by England's Queen Elizabeth, but apparently th...
Read full storyHeartbroken Pete Pleads For Custody Of One Breast
The breakdown of the Jordan/Peter Andre marriage which rocked the showbiz fraternity yesterday was given an added twist today when a clearly distraught Pete was seen outside the family residence pleading to be granted custody of one of Jordan's breas...
Read full storyStephen Fry Arrested in Government Expenses Clampdown
Stephen Fry admitted to cheating on his expenses today, and was immediately arrested by police acting on the orders of the Government and taken to an undisclosed maximum security police station. In a hastily arrange press conference, the Home Secr...
Read full storyPeter Andre and Jordan predictably split up - no-one surprised!
Peter Andre and Jordan have split up after four years of marriage and hilariously have called for privacy. Holding a press conference in their underwear the pair of privacy dodging celebrities asked reporters to respect their privacy as they allo...
Read full storyObama appoints First Hellfire Tabernacle of Sodom & Gomorrah Pastor
Washington AC/DC - (Gladly My Cross-eyed Bear Mess): Following a personal recommendation from the head of the American Diabolical Liberties Union President Barack Obama has appointed the local Georgetown First Hellfire Tabernacle of Sodom & Gomor...
Read full storyChancellor To Reduce Debt Burden With Help From Nigeria
Chancellor Alistair Darling has announced in a bold move he is to reduce the considerable UK borrowing requirement by enlisting the help of high ranking Nigerian Government and bank officials. It is understood Mr Darling has been emailed by numero...
Read full storyArsene Wenger Faces Accusations of "Child" Abuse
Arsenal football coach Arsene Wenger is at the center of a controversy over child abuse. Though the police is yet to go into the matter, grave concerns by fans of the club have shifted public attention to it. Manchester United which routed the Ars...
Read full story"Expenses quite reasonable" says MP
"We are only following the rules" bleated the slack jawed toilet blocker, Environment Secretary Ed Miliband. "ok so we wrote the rules, but that's not cheating! The system needs to be reformed," he admitted. Ed Miliband's expenses are comparative...
Read full storyRescue Teams On Standby For Hubble Mission
The space shuttle Atlantis has blasted off on its most ambitious and dangerous mission yet to repair the Hubble Space Telescope. The mission is so hazardous that a second shuttle, Endeavour, is ready to launch should Atlantis get into difficulties a...
Read full storyRob Styles To Referee Champions League Final
There was better news for Manchester United ahead of the club's preparation for the Champions League final on 27 May, when UEFA announced that, due to popular request, Rob Styles is to referee the game. Styles has been handed the match to head off...
Read full storyNew Training Piece For Psychology Students
Students in New South Wales have been piloting a new technique for treating psychological problems after psychologists who were trying to treat a patient decided to use his reluctance and explanations as to why he refused treatment to modify treatmen...
Read full storyKatie Price and Peter Andre to split up
Katie Price told reporters today she has left Peter Andre. The former pneumatic 'Page 3' girl, 30, and the 'has been' singer, 36, who found love in I was Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here! made the shock announcement this afternoon. The couple ha...
Read full storyRecession Dries Up Bottled Water Industry
DALLAS - The Interfederated Bottled Water Manufacturer's of America are beginning to suffer from dry mouth due to the fact that bottled water sales have dropped 98.7 percent in the last ten months. Due to the continued depressed state of the natio...
Read full storyStar Trek Spoof Epic Collaboration Set To Break All Records
It has just been announced that contributors to TheSpoof.com are to embark upon their most ambitious project yet, a project which threatens to knock previous blockbuster 'Below Decks' flat on its arse. The project, brainchild of BuckwheatsButt and...
Read full storyChickens - stressed as f%#k!
A vague unnamed possibly scientific report, has stated that, whether battery or free range, chickens are all on edge, and, if only they had an opposable thumb they'd be heading into a bank with a mask and a shot gun. The report further stated that a...
Read full storyWhy Women Are Crabby
We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding...
Read full storyCow refuses to come down from Tree
"Frida the Cow" has climbed a tree and is refusing to come down until her protest has finished. The World's Media are assembled beneath the distinctive Chestnut Leafed Oak Tree tree in Kew Gardens watching on as a trained negotiator tries to reaso...
Read full storyA Song for Gordon
Going to public meeting and finding out that the public address system not working is commonplace when there has been an outcry from the public. This was what was planned to happen at Stafford when a public enquiry was due to be held on 5th May 2009...
Read full storyBrown Says he's a woman!
The government and opposition parties were in shock after Labour leader, Gordon Brown walked in to PMQ's wearing a dress, saying, "Call me Ethel." "Our policies on global warming are, free ice for everyone when it appears, lets tax the poor 50%...
Read full storyCher's Left Breast Splits From Her Right Breast
Family and friends of the couple say they hate to see it happen but knew it one day would come to this, as Cher's right breast has split with her left breast. "I hardly even recognize her anymore", the right breast told the National Inquisitor Sat...
Read full storyHow United Kingdom Will Win Eurovision
Terry Wogan : "Hello Is that Sean?, It's Terry here, Calling from London, I'll get straight to the point, I have given up hosting the Eurovision Song Contest, everyone hates us, and the BBC think we should get a Hollywood Legend to provide a little Glitz and Glamour, are you interested?". Sean Connery : "You want me to sit, in a booth, listening to Boom-Bang-A Lang for Four Fucking Hours? Are y...
Read full storyMonday - Steven Gerrard Breaks Down, Blubs Like A Baby
Liverpool star Steven Gerrard today burst into tears and can't stop blubbing like a baby, as the realisation finally sank in that Liverpool are distinctly not going to be crowned Premiership Champions anytime soon. Gerrard was joined by team mate...
Read full storyBrit MP's expense claims revealed to the CIA
Brit MP's after being caught with their pants down by cashing in on very dubious expense claims are now to be scrutinised by an independent body according to themselves? (well the non-corrupt one left over!) Many of our fab MP's feel it is quite O...
Read full storyJungle Based Romances Destined To Fail
It was bound to happen. Jordan, and husband Peter Andre have announced that they are to split up. The couple met on TV reality show 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' which was set in a jungle somewhere in Australia, which was set up by Ant and Dec...
Read full storyJade Goody In Big Brother Comeback
It has been revealed that Jade Goody will be making a shocking return to Big Brother despite being dead. Producers of the show said "It's a real coup for us. There has never been a dead person in any of the shows worldwide so we are expecting a ma...
Read full storyFrenzied Activity At The Palace - MI6 Involved
It was supposed to be an uneventful day at that big house at the end of the Mall, the one with the big garden and the soldiers. But it would appear that things have gone dreadfully wrong. Minutes ago, hordes of MI6 men, wearing dark suits, ray-ban...
Read full storyPope Confirms Holocaust Happened 'Cos He Was There!
Pope Benedict XVI has spoken to thousands of people at the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem, and has confirmed that the Holocaust did indeed happen. The pontiff pontificated on the subject, and said that, contrary to what some people bel...
Read full storyRatzi's a Nazi: Jews and Muslims unite as Pope calls for Two State final solution
Jerusalem - (Wailing Wall Street Mess): Hitler's Pope Joe Ratzinger today called for a Two State final solution amid massive bilateral Jewish/Muslim support to have him stuffed and exhibited in the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem. Ratzi...
Read full storyFarty Towels 13th Script Mystery Deepens
The recent screening of a documentary film to mark the 30th anniversary of Fawlty Towers may well have brought together cast members in celebration of a work of comedic genius, but the mystery surrounding the existence of a 13th script refuses to go...
Read full storyOfficial: Anti Government Feeling Now At Pandemic Level
Health Secretary Alan Johnson has today confirmed that anti Government feeling throughout the country has officially reached Level 6, or pandemic level. Mr Johnson, dressed in an anti-stab vest and speaking from a sealed outer annexe, told a ho...
Read full storyBiker Gang Strenuously Deny Susan Boyle Link
They hang out at an old fashioned greasy spoon, just off the A1 in North Yorkshire. They used to be one of Britain's most feared motorcycle outlaw gangs, Harley riding hard-men hoodlums, the Hairy Angels. But the notoriety of this ruthless gang of...
Read full storyObama Completes 100 Days in White House Stunt
President Obama last night emerged from the White House after 100 days, thus beating the previous record set by American magician, David Blaine, although unlike Blaine, he achieved the feat without the use of a straight jacket. "There were times...
Read full storyMP's to be Compensated for Loss of Hearing!
Following the Daily Telegraph expenses revelation concerning MP's claims for hideously large amounts of renovation work to their properties, a Downing Street spokesperson has issued a statement. The statement reads: "The government is alarmed at t...
Read full storyVatican Slams Angels And Daemons
In a week that sees the general release of the much awaited 'Angels And Daemons' movie starring Tom Shank, from a novel by Stan Brown which depicts a 'titanic struggle between good and evil' we were despatched to the eternal city of Rome to find out...
Read full storyMinister's husband swaps porn for religion
The husband of Home Secretary Jaquie Smith, appears to have broken his habit of watching porn at the taxpayers expense by finding God. Apparently, he turned to religion through an on-line self-help group where he was put in contact with a high...
Read full storyCavaliers March on Parliament
There was growing concern in Westminster today as reports came in of large numbers of Cavaliers approaching the city. It seems that disenchanted citizens have banded together following the revelations about MPs' expenses and are marching on parliame...
Read full storyThe Sordid Truth About TheSpoof.Com Laid Bare
Satirical website TheSpoof.com was today rocked to its very foundations by a series of amazing revelations from a bitter and twisted former contributor. The website, which to all intents and purposes is merely a vehicle whereby budding humorists c...
Read full storyTrashley Cole In New 'Roasting' Scandal
The world's most loathed footballer, Trashley Cole, has been named in amazing new 'roasting' revelations by a former friend, I can exclusively reveal. Cole, who is even loathed by Chelsea fans, sparked the latest controversy at a time when wife, C...
Read full storyDonald Trump Names Joan Rivers New Celebrity Apprentice
MANHATTAN - Donald Trump has fired the tough-as-nails poker and parcheesi playing champion Annie Duke and he has named comedienne Joan Rivers as the new Celebrity Apprentice. During the course of the series the competition got extremely heated wit...
Read full storyWhoopi Goldberg's much anticipated TV comeback
Hollywood, CA - Dreadlocked comic actress Whoopi Goldberg has announced she will be making a much anticipated comeback - on America's Next Top Model. Goldberg told our sources that she tried out for the latest series of ANTM Bicycle 14. She was d...
Read full storyJonas Brothers Seem Serious About Spliting Up
Despite their denials and the self-denial of their fans, the Jonas Brothers may very well be on the verge of a split-up. "We're not angry with each other or anything like that but each of us have our own ideas on what music we want to do and as lo...
Read full storyHugh Jackman to have tool named after him
Byron Bay, Aus - CEO of a prominent chain of hardware stores has announced actor and star of Wolverine, Hugh Jackman, is to have a brand new tool named after him. The Hugh Jackman is a brand new, previously unnamed tool, which looks like a cross b...
Read full storyMan With World's Largest Penis and Woman With World's Largest Vagina Snapped Up By ITV
Following their sensational sacking last year, the Man With The World's Largest Penis and the Woman With The World's Largest Vagina have been snapped up by ailing media giant Indiscriminate Television Corporation. (ITV) In an astonishing U-turn, I...
Read full storyPrime Minister to raise taxes to pay for birthday party
Whitehall, London - Prime Minister Gordon Brown has announced he is raising taxes "on a temporary* basis" to pay for his upcoming birthday bash. Brown is turning 60 in two weeks time and wants a party to end all parties. He has already drawn up t...
Read full storyParliament in soap award triumph
'The House of Commons' has scooped the top honour at the British Soap Awards, receiving a Lifetime Achievement award for their classic Christmas special episode, when its leading female character, Hazel Windsor, saw her second husband hiring pornogra...
Read full storySnow White says drink was spiked
Fantasia - Snow Charming nee White of Snow White & the Seven Dwarves fame has made a startling statement: contrary to popular belief, she was not poisoned by an apple but her drink was spiked in a Fantasia nightclub just hours before the sleeping...
Read full storyBrand news show for Brand
BBC bosses, desperate to find a winning formula to attract intelligent viewers are lining up Britain's unfunniest man, Russell Brand, to host a new satirical, current affairs show. The working title for the show is "Brand's Gaffe fest" with a sim...
Read full storyBrand new show for Brand to help Football?
In order to combat falling viewing numbers after Manchester United win the Premier league with 15 games to go year after year, Premier League fat cats are exploring several ideas on how they can diversify the appeal of the beautiful game. One sug...
Read full storyWoman With World's Most Edible Pussy Foils Attempted Cat Burglary
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A local seamstress arrived home from work early today, scaring away someone who was trying to break into her home. She says the would be intruder was after her precious pussy. Him Go Daon, 35, says that ever since she got Xiao...
Read full storyJensons diffuser is illegal - Exclusive
British grand prix ace, Jenson Button who won his 4th race of the season yesterday in Spain has again come under scrutiny over the legality of his diffuser. Many questions were raised earlier in the season over it's use and doubts remain in the m...
Read full storyObama Denounced for Abandoning the White Bears
Obama environmental experts have been actively campaigning for protection for the brown and black bears. That is why so many were shocked this week as his administration left the white Polar bears out in the cold. Polar bear Aryan brotherhood ac...
Read full storyPope Deplores Ideological Manipulation in Islam
Pope Benedict the XVI speaking in Jordan denounced how a religion of peace and love like Islam could be manipulated by ideologues to foster prejudice, chauvinism and violence. "This great faith stands for peace, justice and loving kindness and y...
Read full storyDodgers' Fans Congratulate Manny on Mother's day
When Manny Ramirez went from Boston to LA last season it was as if he died in a Puritan village and woke up in Sodom and Gommorah. All of the outrageous Manny being Manny stuff that pissed off the Bostonian bluenoses just tickled the LALAlanders pin...
Read full story"There are nine million bisexuals in Beijing." Katy Melua deported from China.
Katy Melua, the phenomenally successful Georgian/N.Irish/S.E London singer has been deported from China amid a storm of controversy after a live performance of her multi million selling single "Nine million bicycles in Beijing." Ms Meluah was arre...
Read full storyDe-mock-crash-see dies
As of today, I have a very sad announcement that democracy has died and that it has been replaced by They-mock-u-see. With MPs saying that the system of abuse has to change, they have decided to replace the system of abuse with another system of a...
Read full storyThe identity of Mr Brown Pants revealed
The identity of Mr Brown Pants has been revealed by a Downing Street insider. The true identity is Mr Gordon Brown. The insider was asked why he has decided to unmask Mr. Brown Pants. He said that it is time that the silly people should understan...
Read full storyThe MP for Burnley in Accounts Questions
News just in to further reports that the MP for Burnley has been creaming the accounts. The MP Kitty Ussher it has said of her that Kitty has taken from the Kitty. But a more outlandish letter has been put to the news desk here within the last fe...
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