10 Reasons Why Sex Is Better Than School
1. Everybody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins and only because they haven't had sex yet. 2. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc..., school just sucks. 3. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like smoking something a whole lot stronger. 4. You get disciplined during sex only if you want to. 5. Drinking drives people to sex, where...
Read full storyReasons Airplanes Are Easier To Live With Than Women
1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly, a woman takes her time. 2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3) Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go" 4) Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection. 5) Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation. 6) Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations. 7) Airplanes can be flown any time of the...
Read full storyHamster Ate Spoof Writer
Shock revelations today! A hamster has been accused of eating a writer at TheSpoof.com. Harry the Hamster is thought to have eaten Mucky Duck. The writer has not been seen for several days following a clash with the hamster's owners. An insider sa...
Read full storyParrot To Go On World Tour
A Parrot is about to embark upon a world tour. Bollocks the Parrot is thought to be cashing in on his celebrity status following his appearance in the swashbuckling epic 'Below Decks". The tour is expected to begin in Paris in the spring and will...
Read full storyFirst Frog to Grow Mustache in Recorded History
After 30 years of hard work, a group of scientists in Budapest have successfully made a frog grow a moustache for the first time in recorded history. "It's really a good, good feeling," says Oscar Schnippleton, one of the scientists on the project.
Read full storySpoof Writers' Turd story rally to save Jade Goody's reputation comes too late as coalition collapses on ill news of her passing
London, England - "We were a day late and a turd story shy," said one lamenting member of the secretive spoof writer's coalition to save Jade Goody's reputation. "If only she would have held on for another day. Or maybe if we would have wrote a littl...
Read full storyBJP Leader LK Advani decides to debate himself ahead of Indian election
NEW DELHI - India's main opposition party leader, the 80+ years-old LK Advani has been hanging around the political scene for eons hoping to 'become PM someday'. The octogenarian has been unable to rally the masses with his plodding, complaining o...
Read full storyQueenie not going to let catholics in Buckingham Palace
Buckingham Place spokesman Mohamed Al Fyed anounced Her Majesty had given an insight as to why devout roman catholics should not be allowed inside her 'crib' The queen was quoted as saying 'If the Lord has not yet made Himself visible to the delu...
Read full storyFear of lack of brains forces US evacuation
Thousands of people in the American Midwest have been asked to evacuate their homes, after it emerged they had built their homes a few feet from a river that regularly rises 40 feet. This follows the evacuation of an entire city, New Orleans, where m...
Read full storyWorld begins big unplugging
UN, NEW YORK - According to the UN committee on Special Population Option Control (UNSPOC) statement, issued today, millions of people worldwide are being told to unplug their relatives on life support systems - for an hour, in what is described as t...
Read full storyConkers or just bonkers?
It was reported this week from those stupid bureaucratic idiots in Brussels that the new European laws concerning the age old schoolboy practice of 'conkering' have been reviewed. European representative and once TV heartthrob Robert Killjoy Silk...
Read full storyG20 to propose civilized death as final solution
LONDON, England - According to Mr. Brown, host, world finance ministers have reached a sudden agreement. "If all the world's currencies aren't working now, what good will it do to introduce another one, such as the Amero or the acmetal, or or th...
Read full storyProstitutes Win Case, Hands Down
After a police headquarters captain came up with a new way of cutting down on prostitution in the city of Lisbon, Portugal, he has apparently lost his case. "We spend so much of our time arresting these women, we have little left over for the seri...
Read full storyJasper Carrot 'Not a happy bunny'
Humorous comedian Jasper Carrot has been reprimanded for calling a contestant a 'cheating bastard' on his primetime show 'Golden Testicles'. It was reported to me yesterday that the ever so funny and devilishly handsome Jasper was furious with th...
Read full storyApril Doomsday cops corral G20 criminal conspiracy tossers into massive elephant trap
Isle of Dogs - (Ultimate Ponzi Scam Mess): "Like lambs to the slaughter!" was how the head of the Met's Global Parasitology Division put it ahead of next week's huge vanity PR exercise a.k.a. the G20 Summitt. A massively secret security/policing s...
Read full storyFat Fern Hits Out
Fat Fern Britton is set to quit Good Morning after finding out that TV bosses surreptitiously filmed her obese torso and used in a BBC news report about Britain's obesity problem. She is quoted as saying (not that she did you understand) 'I will...
Read full storyFacebook condom crusade against Pope raises little more than awareness of their folly
Cameroon, Africa - Facebook nerds and geeks (mostly from European countries) recently held a joint press conference via Webcam from their bedrooms, recreation dens and basements of their parents' houses today, vowing to remain celibate and save the w...
Read full storyRussians lured to set up military base on Arctic's caldera faultline
Arctic Circle - (Frozen Ass Mess): NATO bigwigs are pissing themselves at the success of their latest covert oil and gas disinformation campaign against the Russians. This has seen daftass Russian President Dim-Eatery Medvedev pledge to install a...
Read full storyEx-commando captures runaway pig
A former Royal Marines commando used his military skills to deal with a huge white pig running amok in a Kent town. The pig, a Shropshire Prescott, was seen running from pub to pub in the Bath Road area of Margate. Police gave chase, and former comma...
Read full storyGovernment Scientists Warning - Hydrogen found in water!
Mr. Brian Brain a Government scientist speaking on condition of anonymity today informed me that water was to be banned with immediate effect after traces of Hydrogen had been found in it during a routine test. The anonymous source advised us that...
Read full storyFritzl's Italian incest club discovered in Vatican dungeon
Rome - (ReUterus & Sordid Ass Mess): The Vatican's very own Joseph Fritzl-style dungeon was busted today in a dawn raid on the Catacombs. It resulted in Rome cops arresting a 69 year-old man and his son following a probe into the Austrian ince...
Read full storyWolves Fans Offered Chance To Meet Mick McCarthy In 'Quit Smoking' Drive
Long-suffering fans of one of the Football League's founding members, Wolverhampton Wanderers, are today licking their chapped lips over the mouth-watering opportunity of meeting one of the greatest managers in the club's history - none other than th...
Read full storyPeople prepare for Earth Hour
Today at 8pm (UK time), houses, offices and other buildings across the world will switch off their lights for one hour for Earth Hour. The event is intended to highlight the evils of electricity, and is sponsored by the Amish community and the Blind...
Read full storyGenie in Eviction from Lamp Drama - Bailiffs Missing!
"Nebuchadnezzar The Genie" was today relaxing again deep in his lamp after a failed attempt by a power company to evict him yesterday. Call me "Nebu" winked the big blue giant grinning his gap toothed gipsy type of smile at waiting reporters.
Read full storyBankers will march on G20 summit
A charity organisation set up to help retired bankers is set to join the G20 protest march in London next week. The newly formed Retired Old Bankers (ROB) group is among several other charities coming together to demand action from the influential...
Read full storySatan Claims First Spoof Writer's Soul for Offenses Against Jade Goody
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The arrival of Satan at my door this afternoon heralded the first of many souls to be claimed over the next few days. The abruptness of the five rapid knocks startled me enough to make me jump; I was not expecting company. I h...
Read full storyScientists find secret of perfect penalty save to counter perfect penalty kick
A few days after scientists discovered the perfect formula for a penalty kick, another group of scientists have claimed they have discovered the perfect formula to save the perfectly kicked penalty kick. Last week researchers said that by analyzin...
Read full storyObama Claims: USA Has Already Celebrated a Dark Earth Hour
Around the globe cities will grow dark in celebration of an energy awareness Earth Hour this weekend. Many environmentalists have approved the earth hour demonstration as a powerful symbol of a new green consciousness on the planet. Tennesseean cult...
Read full storyAirline for Pets? What's their secret?
Miami, Florida - It is a novel idea. Promising plenty of "Four-legged" room for the family pet, but it has everyone who has experienced first-hand the stress and all too often the trauma of losing an animal to the airline industry, asking: "What's th...
Read full storyMadonna Adopts President of Malawi
Rock Idol, Madonna has been in the tabloids perverted version of news lately for a potpourri of escapades. her Kabala love affair with Yankee juicer AFraud, a recent divorce and yet another sexsually exhibitionist world tour tentatively billed as Hot...
Read full storyScientists Approve Texan Last Stand Against Evolution
For almost a century, scientists have fought against what they thought to be closedminded rural areas and their refusal to accept and teach the sound scientific theory of evolution. But new discoveries in the field of rural evolutionary biology have...
Read full storyObama vows to get tough on Afganistan, Pakistan
In a conference in Washington this past Friday, president Obama attempted to address some of the issues facing United States security. Obama reassured the American public that he had not forgotten the past transgressions of terrorist sects again...
Read full storyMadonna to Adopt Another Child
Sources are reporting that Madonna is planning to adopt a second Malawi child. Despite public protest that the singer should not be allowed to take another African orphan into her brood, she asserts her right to do so. When asked why she needs...
Read full storyDykes, Lesbians and Butches: Fargoan's last Hope
In a strange reversal of humanity's approach to natural disaster, the citizens of Fargo, ND are counting on homosexuals to save them from a biblical size flood. Most often, gays have been blamed for attracting fire from heaven and causing divine...
Read full story"Star Wars" girl Natalie Portman is a real "Professional" "cleaner" when it comes to picking up dog poop
Hollywood, California - Apparently, Natalie Portman is a real "Professional" "cleaner" when it comes to picking up after dogs. I mean she just can't seem to get enough of the steamy stuff as she has been spotted cruising the streets of her Hollywood...
Read full storySpecial Hell for Greedy CEOs Created.
God Almighty in close association with Satan has created a special hell for CEO's and other business leaders who have helped to create the present world-wide financial meltdown (it seems Satan himself couldn't stomach the gall of these money-engorged...
Read full storyBush Makes His Debut As Court Jester For Obama Cabinet
George W. was accepted on as the official court Jester for the Obama cabinet today. Appearing before the assembled advisers for the first time, W. had them suppressing giggles as soon as he opened his mouth. "I am pleased as punch to be able to ma...
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