Fiat & Chrysler Meld: BADDA BING MOTORS, LLC!
Turin, Italy/ FBI/ Mafia News Flash - Barney Frank, House Senate Banking Chairman, was stunned today when he heard the announcement of the unholy union of Fiat and Chrysler, the marriage that gave the Italians 35% of the $4.2B in cash recently releas...
Read full storyTurbine NIMBY
Turbine NIMBY by Rob Barratt (A song to the tune of "I'm a Lumberjack" or "Three Drunken Maidens" or make up a tune of your own. I've got a ten foot Sony plasma screen Lights on all over the house A flash Toshiba microwave A computer with a mouse I've got loads of electrical appliances But though I'm not one to whine I want it all and I want it now But I don't want a wind turbine I'...
Read full storyBush Criticises Obama Presidency, Plans To Run In 2012
No sooner has Barack Obama been sworn in as the 44th American president, but the non-entity that is now the 43rd president is threatening to run against the new guy in 2012. "Ya, see," drawled ex-president George W. Bush, "all I can see from this...
Read full storyBBC releases ready made meal selection to counter financial challenges
In a move to counter reduced TV Licence fees and strong satellite competition, it has been announced that the BBC will be releasing its own brand of ready made meals. The move is an unprecedented within the TV Network community, the closest simila...
Read full storyClooney and Co. Begin Trumpton Movie Filming
Filming began yesterday on the new movie from Sleepworks - a remake of the children's TV Show "Trumpton". As opposed to the original show's technique of Stop-Go animation, the film is a live action version. Highly anticipated, the movie stars a nu...
Read full storyObama's inaugural "Oaf" of office invalidates his Presidency, say Conspiracy Theorists; scheduled scavenger's hunt may hold the fate of the nation
Washington, DC - Because of the order in which the words of the presidential oath were read to him by Chief Justice, John Roberts, and then repeated by President-elect, Barack Obama, were mixed up, conspiracy theorists are saying that the swearing in...
Read full storySecret Service Announces New Code Name for Prez: Cinnamon Stick!
Washington,DC/ Security News - In keeping with a new administration and a new President, the Secret Service announced today a list of new code names for the Nation's top lawmakers. There were few surprises. Head Honcho, Barry Hussein Obama, was co...
Read full storyInauguration Parade Crash Lands In Hudson River
WASHINGTON DC (AP Newsliar) - The parade for Barack Obama's inauguration as 44th president crash landed into the Hudson River today, sending all 10,000+ participants fleeing for safety from the icy waters and startling thousands of New Yorkers who ha...
Read full storyTelescope Nightmare for Queen Star
Queen guitarist Brian May was yesterday left needing surgery after becoming impaled on a large telescope. May 62, a Doctor of Science, was partying with pals when the incident occurred. A neighbour, Donald Pewson, 85 said "I heard shouting and lau...
Read full storyFood Network "Runs Out of Shrimp"
The Food Network announced Tuesday during a taping of the hit show "The Iron Chef" that they had run out of shrimp and might not have more "till sometime next week." A spokesperson for the network, Ted Gullis, said that he thought popular chef...
Read full storyLeading Groceries Pull Peanut Products, Blame George Washington Carver!
General Mills Inc. and grocers Kroger Co. and Safeway Inc. have joined the growing list of food companies and retailers pulling items made with peanut butter amid a salmonella outbreak. "This will cost us millions of dollars and we expect a bailou...
Read full storyFormer President Bush opts to leave the Capitol by helicopter, instead of taking the suggested alternative: Out on a Rail
Washington, DC - Carrying out a long tradition of leaving the Capitol as soon as possible, so the newly sworn in administration can set the tone for the nation, now former President Bush opted to leave Washington, DC by helicopter, taking Executive 1...
Read full storyRSVP for George Bush's Going Away Kegger
You are cordially invited to George W. Bush's Going-Away Kegger. Please RSVP. If you are unable to attend, please leave any parting words. "See you in hell." -Pelosi "At least now you can't f*** up anything else." -Bush Sr. "Our name is our advice." -MoveOn.org "Suck it!" -Senate "Yeah, suck it!" -House "Thanks for the pardon. I have unfinished work in this world." Parolee-...
Read full storyJill Biden Spills The Beans
Joe Biden's wife, Jill stated Monday that Joe had his pick of being Barack Obama's running mate or the secretary of state nomination that eventually went to Hillary Rodham Clinton, a slip up that the vice president-elect immediately tried to shush, b...
Read full storyBeyonce gets mad with Jay-Z
World famous singers Beyonce and Jay-Z are not speaking to each other following Beyonce's last performance for Barack Obama. Jay-Z did not compliment Beyonce after her performance on her hair, clothes, shoes or jewellery. She was said to be "hear...
Read full storyHollywood Hires Actor to Portray Obama in Biopic
Hollywood has finally completed the script for the biopic on the historic election of Barack Obama and have signed an actor to play the lead role. The actor, a well respected and Oscar winning contract player for many years with the Disney studios,...
Read full storyMichelle Wore Gold To Husband's Inauguration
In Washington DC today, Michelle Obama was wearing a sparkling gold sheath dress with matching coat by Cuban-born American designer Isabel Toledo on the day of her husband's inauguration as president. That's a sparkling Gold! Those of you who had...
Read full storyBBC in new 'Johnathon Ross Show' scandal
The BBC was today reeling from another scandal involving Johnathon Ross when it was revealed that a guest would be appearing on his show who didn't have a CD/book/DVD/TV show to sell! This unprecedented step, previously unheard of in 12 years of R...
Read full storyPrince Harry to be star guest on Jonathan Ross comeback show
Clarence House - (Racist Arsehole Mess): Movie actors Tom Cruise and Miley Cyrus have been jocked off the top billing for Friday's Jonathan Ross comeback show after Prince Harry accepted a reported seven figure sum for the star slot interview. An...
Read full storyCustomer Support, how may I help you
The following is one half of a real conversation between an IT support person and a customer. The other half of the conversation is left to the imagination. The company and names have been removed. "Good afternoon, IT Support, how can I help you?" "Right. It sounds like the application has crashed. First, you'll need to close the application." "Click the picture in the top corner."...
Read full storyDick Cheney Takes Short Bus To Inauguration
People watching the inauguration of President Barack Obama today were offered a special treat today: former Vice President Dick Cheney was escorted to the inauguration in a wheelchair and on the short bus. Citing the professional medical opinions...
Read full storyAl Queda claim unfair media bias in NY Hudson River air crash reporting
The PR Director of Al Queda, Ali Barkingmad, has hit back at the western media claiming unfair bias in relation to the recent Hudson River air crash. Ali Barkingmad is barking mad at reports that the captain of the Airbus A320 Jet, which had to be...
Read full story"I, Ehud-Barack Saddam-Hussain Obama-Binladen, do solemnly swear..."
Washington AC/DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Was the new American president spawned by the world's top three KGB/Mossad double agents? That is the question bugging FBI and CIA top brass after the contents of George W Bush's Scareforce One onboard...
Read full storyBush Plays "Shoe Card" at Obama Inauguration
As Barack Obama attempted to take the oath of office, Secret Service agents pounced on an intoxicated George W. Bush just as the 43rd President hurled both of his shoes at the incoming Chief Executive. "You bastard!" the outgoing President yelled...
Read full storyAndy Murray Mistaken For Incredible Hulk At Australian Open Tennis
British no.1 tennis star, Andy Murray, is at the centre of a new controversy this morning, after he won his first round match against Andrei Pavel by a knock-out at the Australian Open tennis. Murray faced the Romanian at the Rod Laver Arena this...
Read full storyBarack Obama Proving Popular With African-Americans
History was made today when Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States of America, and millions of people turned out all over the country to celebrate the new President's inauguration at the White House. Early indications are, tha...
Read full storyBush Moves Out
George Dubya Bush today moves out of the White House as his term as President comes to an end. After eight years on Pennsylvania Avenue Bush has accrued a lot of his own possessions in the Capital's most famous house, and it all needs removing.
Read full storyManchester City Buy Manchester United
More drama at Eastlands where, after the failed Kaka bid this morning, Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour called an extraordinary emergency board meeting during which plans were finalised to buy Manchester United. City had offered AC Milan £107m...
Read full storyChildcare "a woman's job"
Perceptions in the UK remain strong that childcare is the exclusive domain for women among both sexes. When questioned, parents would prefer that their nursery was staffed by women only, and were dubious and, in some cases, concerned, when told that...
Read full story"Smack my bitch up" Lyrics to go under hammer
An item dating from 1937 containing the original lyrics to George Formby's classic "Smack my bitch up" is to be the star lot at a Northeby's auction later this month. The yellowing paper, torn from a diary, shows Formby's distinctive handwriting...
Read full storyThe Beatles Remixed Band
MANHATTAN, New York - Ryan Seacrest has just confirmed reports that Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and John Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono have in fact formed a band. The three will be joined by John Lennon's son from Cynthia Lennon, Julian, and his son...
Read full storyA New Muffin
Today, SuperHealth Bakery released its new 700,000 grain muffin. CEO Tom Baker said "we have been working on this muffin for years." It has 700,000 different grains, so it took years just to collect them. It has 100,000 times anyone's daily recommend...
Read full storyManchester City Falling Apart
More problems at Eastlands this morning, after it was reported that, because Brazilian star Kaka wasn't coming, Craig Bellamy has put in a transfer request only hours after signing for Manchester City. Bellamy signed from West Ham for a fee though...
Read full storyKelly Brook Sacked after Six Days
In what many are terming the Worst Publicity Stunt in History, Kelly Brook has been sacked by Simon Cowell from the Britain's Got Talent. Less than a week ago the brunette, who has trouble keeping her clothes on, was hired by the ITV1 Talentless s...
Read full storyKaka rejects City
Brazilian world superstar Kaka has turned down a £100million transfer to nouveau riche club, Manchester City overnight. The Brazilian attacking midfielder was originally offered personal terms of half a million pounds a week, but Kaka has claimed...
Read full storyBush Reflecting on Mistakes: The Pastrami Debacle
An exclusive interview was granted by President George W Bush during his last hours acting as commander in chief. Most of the interview was rather typical of others. On Iraq: "I decider'd that one good, didn't I?", to the 9/11 attacks and the sub...
Read full storyAsk Hitler about aspartame
TANDIL, Argentina - Anadna Nosnikliw of the College of Eugenics claims to be in touch with many Nazi's here who can trace themselves directly back to Hitler's organization. She called and told TheSpoof.com today that she claims in fact to be in commu...
Read full storyKathleening Right Parker Jumps the Snark
The conservative satiric disability not withstanding, Kathleening Right Parker was caught really stretching in her position as reactionary first basegirl for the Washington Post group. Sure it's got to be hard to be the token free mouseketeer for a bunch of pinkos like the Post. I certainly can feel the pain of a scribbler who attacked Bush during the final right wing feeding frenzy and then i...
Read full storyAssFrFred: What is the Traditional Family the Pope Loves So Much?
Dear AssFF44giveness, I am a 90 year old Mexican Catholic who was watching the Pope on a video screen when he broadcast his message from the Vatican since he feared that the altitude in Mexico City was harmful to the health of an older man. He praised the traditional family but never elaborated as to what that means. I grew up in a very traditional Mexican family where my father beat...
Read full storyW, Laura and Condie Caught in Threesome
The scandal starved tabloid fotogs and reporters have never seen a more boring administration than the eight lean years of George W Bush. Even the Carter years look good with at least some lust even if it was only in his dirty little presidential hea...
Read full storyLost in Space Actor Suffocates in Robot Suit in Inauguration Rehearsal
Bob May, the actor who played the robot in TV hit series Lost in Space was found dead behind the Inauguration platform after a late night rehearsal this week. NASA spokesperson, Houston Wehafa explained that the breathing apparatus on the 60's suit,...
Read full storyCongress Will Abstain from Abstinence Only: "Obama says: Fcuk Yeah!"
The Bush administration's health programs were often determined by the careful study of chicken entrails. It was this method that prompted the intelligent design educational initiatives, the CDC campaign to promote chicken soup as an AIDS preventativ...
Read full storyBush Pardons Little Debbie For BioWarfare: "Little Debbie can do My Dallas Anyday"
Among his final acts as president, W has iniated new assaults on workers' safety, the endangered species and now food safety. Bush has pardoned Little Debbie McFee and her food corporation for attacking the world's consumers with salmonella tainted c...
Read full storyDick "Dr. Strange Love" Cheney confined to wheelchair for Obama's Inauguration Day
Washington, DC - In addition to being confined to a wheelchair, Cheney will also be sporting shaded spectacles and wearing a black leather glove on his right hand as well. "Cheney was concerned with the sudden appearance of inexplicable burses on...
Read full story"Football doesn't matter" claim shock
The outgoing Chairman of the Football Association, Brian Orange, has caused a storm of outrage amongst football supporters by saying that, in the scheme of things, football doesn't really matter. "Sure, at it's best it is an enjoyable game to watch,...
Read full storyRowan Atkinson triumphs in "Oliver"
Rowan Atkinson has returned in spectacular fashion to the West End - his first time on the boards for 12 years. He has taken the lead in "Oliver", a role he has always cherished, and the 48-year-old doesn't disappoint. When Atkinson first announced that he would be starring in the play, some expressed surprise, but this truly is a role made for him. "To the British movie-goer Oliver Reed was a...
Read full story"Jilly" Beiden Causes More Embarrassment for VP Husband Joe During Larry King Love Fest!
Washington,DC/ Neilson Ratings Update - Jilly Beiden is at it again, following her 3 day "retreat" at the Betty Ford Clinic after her embarrassing showing on a recent Oprah Epic where she revealed that Hillary Clinton was really "a number Two", a ref...
Read full storyArea Door Viciously Assaulted and Ripped Asunder
A cabinet door has been viciously ripped from its hinges, beaten, stripped of its veneer finish, and reduced to small, unrecognizable chunks of particle board debris. Reporters at the scene found area kitchen owner Fred Felber curled up in a feta...
Read full storyZulu Warrior Arrested at White House After Hurling Warthog Over Fence!
Washington,DC/ Tribal News - Carrying the traditional i-kiwas, a short thrusting spear, a descendant of Zulu King, Shaka, tried to present a tribal offering to incoming President Obama, which unfortunately led to his immediate arrest sparking an int...
Read full storyNew Reality Show: "How I Knocked Up Your Mother"
CBS has been successful for the past few years with their Monday evening scripted comedy, "How I Met Your Mother." As a result, they will soon begin shooting a new reality series spin-off, "How I Knocked Up Your Mother." The show, said to be part...
Read full storyJesus Was An Alien - Proof
"Jesus was an alien!" - How many times have you heard it said? Well, this time, at least, the story seems to have had an element of truth in it for once. Border guards at the US immigration and entry point were involved in a cat-and-mouse chase t...
Read full storyChange in Network Television Schedules Result in Confused Viewers
If your life for the past few years included watching "The Big Bang Theory" and "How I Met Your Mother" on Mondays and "House" on Tuesdays, you are in big trouble. Network scheduling changes have put these top twenty shows up against each other in t...
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