Turin, Italy/ FBI/ Mafia News Flash - Barney Frank, House Senate Banking Chairman, was stunned today when he heard the announcement of the unholy union of Fiat and Chrysler, the marriage that gave the Italians 35% of the $4.2B in cash recently released by the lisping financial genius in charge of distributing TARP funds.
The new company, which will be known as BADDA BING MOTORS, LLC, will have its headquarters in Hoboken, N.J., in an 800 square foot wood frame building overlooking the docks where Hollywood heavyweight Marlon Brando uttered the immortal words " I coulda' been a contenda'!"
Wall Street experts said the deal, in which no monetary considerations were exchanged, gave the Italians immediate access to 35% of US taxpayers money; $1.2B of the initial $4B, and $420M of the $1.2B for Chrysler's finance arm.
Members of the FBI's Crime Division, speaking off the record as they did not have authority to talk about another Mafia Sting, said most of that money had already been moved out of Citi Bank and Bank of America accounts during the night, which led to the 29% hit on BAC stocks today, and Citi falling to almost junk status closing under $3.
Reporters arriving at the waterfront offices of Badda Bing were met by a smiling Tony Soprano, who said he had been appointed the new marketing director for the world wide auto company by Bob "The Pimp" Nardelli on his way out of town. Soprano said he expected brand new models to be flowing out of Italy's factories soon, especially since they expected another big cash input from Barney "sometime around March."
When reporters expressed doubt that Barney would be willing to release anymore money under the circumstances, Soprano said grimly, "don't worry about a thing, not for nuttin', but old Barney knows what's right....or else he'll be swimmin' wit da fishes!"
Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli, who exited Home Despot with a huge golden parachute after running that company into the ground, was credited with putting this latest scam together, and is said to have left the country to retire to his estate in Sicily and to oversee his interests in the olive oil industry.
Efforts to interview Barney Frank were unsuccessful, and insiders said he was admitted into the witness protection program and was performing in a gay Provincetown, Ma. review under the stage name of Musty Chiffon in a lime green full body stocking and protected by Whitey Bolger.
