Russell Brand Pushed Into A Fountain, Then A Urinal.
Self styled Lothario Russell Brand was said to be making a good recovery, quietly at home after being pushed first into a fountain, and then into a urinal. Incident number one happened in Trafalgar Square, London. Brand was filming a scene for upc...
Read full storyMark Lester, Jack Wild And Ron Moody - The Real Fathers Of The Jackson Children
In a dramatic new twist in the quest for the truth regarding the paternity of the late Michael Jackson's children, three cast members of the 1968 musical movie extravaganza 'Oliver!' have allegedly laid claim to fathering one of them. Mark Lester,...
Read full storyNFL to Slaughter hundreds of Pigskins
NEW YORK- NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today the drastic measure of slaughtering all pigskins scheduled to used in the upcoming football season. "This extreme step is an attempt to eliminate the possible contamination of players and N...
Read full storyVisitors on Sullenberger Maneuver sightseeing tour blamed for Hudson plane crash
Hudson River, NY - (Flybynight Mess): Sightseers on a guided tour of the fabled Chesley B Sullenberger Maneuver flightpath over the Hudson got a massive shock today. Their Fliberty Tours Eurocopter AS 350 chopper crashed head on into a Piper PA-3...
Read full storyBreakaway Birther Forms Church of Obama
A former leading "Birther," Jesus H. Christ-an Ocala, Florida optometrist-has broken with his original disciples and now believes President Barack Obama is the new Messiah. Christ has established the First Church of Obama and hopes to start a TV...
Read full storyNew Mneumonic Plague Cause for Concern in China
BEIJING, CHINA According to reports which are receiving a lot of word play, an outbreak of the virulent mnemonic plague has killed three people in Ziketan, China this week. Ziketan is a remote town in a Qinghai province which has been sealed in resp...
Read full storyPaula Abdul Announces New Job After American Idol
Paula Abdul, who recently left American Idol after several seasons as a celebrity judge, announced that she has found new employment on a different television reality series as a different kind of judge. Abdul will begin filming new episodes next...
Read full storyMonkee Mickey's Money Grubbing Mate Monkeys Around in Manhattan
NEW YORK CITY, NY, USA In a rousing game of ring-around-the rules, Donna Quinter was arrested, tried, convicted, and sentenced all in the space of a few hours on fraud charges involving New York City's Housing Authority; the fast-paced caper was remi...
Read full storyACORN Announces Methods for Census Taking
ACORN, the organization that bought the election for Premiere Obama, has announced the guidelines that they will use when counting the U.S. Census in 2010. This is the first time that a private organization will be in charge of the counting and no...
Read full storyNews Anchor Arrested for Comparing Obama Youth For Change to Hilter Youth
Eric Samples, an anchorman on the FoxNews network, has been arrested by the Federal Government for violations of the Patriot Act. Mr. Samples crime was to compare the new "Obama Youth For Change" organization to the infamous Hilter Youth. The Oba...
Read full storyState Pension Age To Hit 100
The government today announced that the state pension age will rise to 100. Angela Eagle, the bird in charge of pensions said "50 is definitely the new 30. People are living longer so it is only fair that we flog them to death for longer. We want to...
Read full storyBilly Mays Apparently High On More Than The Products He Sold
According to an API release, an autopsy shows that cocaine use helped to contribute to wildly excited TV pitchman Billy Mays death last month, officials announced Friday. The late night familiar figure info-mercial king died of a heart attack in h...
Read full storyMan With The World's Smallest Penis Stomps Man With Second Largest Penis' Ass!
After seeing some recent articles by Penis Minus Wilson (Not his real name), the man with the world's smallest penis, and looking at his website, "Third Leg" Simpson decided to pay the guy a personal visit Saturday morning. "He came in the door an...
Read full storyBank of England grants licence to print to general public
Bank of England decided to let general public engage in quantitative easing. The decision was made after one of the money printing machines stopped working and all suppliers of spare parts refused to accept sterling as a payment. BoE was not able to...
Read full storyHistorian Disproves Newton's Apple Theorem
A leading academic yesterday dismissed the commonly held belief that Sir Isaac Newton formulated his theory of gravity after being struck on the head by an apple as "absolute fucking crap." Professor Hienk Hungrossen of Reading University said,"It...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Brain Back With Body, But Now His Mojo Is Gone
Apparently, according to the Drudge Report, Michael Jackson's brain has been reunited with the rest of his body. At least somebody's brain has. So now Michael's body can be buried. Sources say that Jackson may be interred at Forest Lawn but it...
Read full storyCoulter, Limbaugh Could Perish in Sunshine State Drowning
U.S. scientists monitoring glaciers in Washington State and Alaska reported this week that decades of politicians blowing hot air without producing any significant environmental legislation has finally induced a major meltdown. A 50-year governme...
Read full storyPresident Bill Clinton To Kim Jong-il: "Care for a Cigar?"
By freeing two American journalists from the clutches of Kim Jong-il, former U.S. president Bill Clinton has transformed his image, and perhaps has permanently altered his reputation. For days, the mainstream media has been hammering the former president for answers on how he negotiated the release of two American journalists from the rouge nation of North Korea. This TheSpoof.com writer,...
Read full storyAutopsy: Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays' death
TAMPA, Fla. -- Things don't always go better with coke. A Florida coroner says that Infomercial King Billy Mays died of heart disease, and a holy host of other drugs including cocaine according to the autopsy report released Friday by the Hillsbourog...
Read full storyCyrus' Stalker Anxiously Awaits Coming of Teens
Miley Cyrus has been granted a restraining order against a 53-year-old man who claimed he was secretly engaged to the star. Mark McLeod had his heart achy-breaky broken Tuesday night when he was charged with criminal attempted stalking, which appa...
Read full storyTexas inmate hides gun beneath his Man-Boobs
HOUSTON, TX -- In a story that will surely dominate the talk around the water coolers across America, if not the world, comes this report from Houston, Texas: George Vera, a 25-year-old, obese Texas inmate was charged with "possession of a firearm...
Read full storyPitchman Sniffed Poxy-Kleen, Removed Self with Power of Active Oxygen!
ORANGE GLO, FL - An autopsy report issued Friday by Orange Glo County, Florida, cites Poxy-Kleen inhalation as a primary factor in the death of TV pitchman Bill E. Mayes, who died in June at age 50. "Mayes died from a heart arrhythmia with the po...
Read full storyBNP changes its name to improve its image
The BNP has decided that it needs to change its name. Nick Griffin said that due to the unfair treatment of the BNP by the UK media, the name had been unfairly linked to cheap racism. He wants a name that truly reflects the party's members and what t...
Read full storyPalin's SitonmyFacebook thread: "Obama's health care plan evil"
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin called President Barack Obama's health plan "downright evil" Friday on her SitonmyFacebook blog. Administrators from the social networking website, www.blogwithassholes@SitonmyFacebook.com, the wo...
Read full storyNo No Ono Picks Nose for Collabo
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA Michael Jackson's prosthetic nose, missing since the autopsy following his death on June 25, has finally been located. Yoko Ono revealed that she had been in negotiations with Jackson prior to his death regarding a collaborati...
Read full storyDolly Parton Getting Younger, Says FBI
Dolly Parton, the Grammy Award-winning, Academy Award-nominated, Tony Award-nominated, and Emmy Award-nominated American singer-songwriter, author, actress and philanthropist, best known for her prolific work in country music, was today made the subj...
Read full storyJack Tweed's grief leads him to party all night long
He's been called all sorts from Tweed the Twat to Goody Grabber but Jack Tweed says it's not his fault that he has been caught having flings so soon after Jade's death, he blame the parties. In his most candid interview yet, the 22-year-old widowe...
Read full storyConstruction Begins on the Baltimore Red Line
Baltimore MD: Construction has finally begun, after much controversy over the route, on the light rail system known as the Baltimore Red Line. Initial operations started with a Tunnel Boring Machine (TBM) excavating an underground section of the l...
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