Dolly Parton, the Grammy Award-winning, Academy Award-nominated, Tony Award-nominated, and Emmy Award-nominated American singer-songwriter, author, actress and philanthropist, best known for her prolific work in country music, was today made the subject of an FBI investigation after it was discovered by undercover operatives that she is getting younger rather than older.
The Queen of Country Music made her chart debut 45 years ago, has had 25 number-one singles and 41 top-10 albums. Born in 1946, she should be 63 years old and look like an old crone, but tissue samples taken from her face, neck and rectum show she is, incredibly, only 34 years old!
Parton is known for her distinctive mountain soprano, bawdy humour, flamboyant dress sense, beautiful smile and voluptuous figure. And her massive breasts.
The investigation is sure to capture the interest of country music lovers worldwide, prompting the head of the FBI, Robert S. Mueller III, to comment:
"I can't say too much as we're in the middle of our investigation, but if we can discover what is reversing Dolly's age, we think we can bring back Michael Jackson and Elvis - maybe even J. Edgar Hoover!"