Outbreak of Paper Cuts Prompts Action From Obama
Washington [UPI] - A sudden increase in the number of paper cuts sustained by harried administrative staff in national parks has prompted President Obama to ask Treasury to earmark 1 billion dollars in emergency federal funding to, as the President p...
Read full storyIlluminati prophecy fortells Hitler's daughter will die on 64th anniversary of father's Berlin Bunker suicide
London - (Doomsday Mess): It's all in the numbers, folks... And numerology freaks are tumescent with expectation that this May Day's 333rd anniversary of the founding of the Bavarian Illuminati will see the death 'by auto-erotic waterboarding' of Hi...
Read full storyDisease Control Warns: Swine Flu May Actually Enjoy Alcohol Based Hand-Sanitizers
In a press release Thursday, a disease control representative warned that alcohol based hand sanitizers are not effective against swine flu, and may in fact be promoting its spread. "The data is still coming in, but preliminary reports point to an...
Read full storyFamous cliche disprover teaches an old dog a new trick
British eccentric Lord Michael St-Daniels, famous for having spent a number of years tirelessly disproving famous clichés, has taken another phrase down today as it was announced that he has succeeded in teaching an old dog a new trick. Specifical...
Read full storyShock New Poet Laureate announced
The new Poet Laureate has been announced by the Queen this morning, following the standing down of Andrew Motion. However the predicted successor Carol Ann Duffy was left speechless (and indeed Rhyme-less) when it was announced that the actual new...
Read full storyStockport FC go into Administration as High Street Sales drop
League One football club, and high street purveyor of discount items has announced that it is to go into Administration today. The club, which is most famous for its Pick 'N' Mix brand has suffered in the recession as shoppers have abandoned the h...
Read full storySwine Flu TV shows to launch in June
It has been announced today that 2 new TV shows, based around sufferers of Swine Flu will be launched in June. "Come Swine with me" will see 6 selected members of the public, all suffering from the disease, taking turns to cook a 3 course meal fro...
Read full storyNigerian Women Go On Sex Strike
Sisters rejoice! The women of Nigeria have issued their partners with an ultimatum: Either you guys sort out a solution to the tribal differences and feuds which so afflict our great nation, or we women will go on sex strike. It's that simple. No tru...
Read full storyMP's pass new suprise "Monopoly " expense plans
The latest news from the House of Commons is that Members of Parliament have approved the new proposed expense measures by a narrow margin. The revised process will restrict the amounts that MPs are able to claim and are designed to ensure a great...
Read full storyChrysler's Collapse inspires new TV series: "Bankruptcy Court TV"
Detroit, Michigan - For the first-time ever, with the fate of millions of American jobs on the line, Bankruptcy Court has the potential of becoming just as interesting as a murder trial. At least that is what the producers of the popular Court TV are...
Read full storyIraq 'Open For Business' Says Brown
In a landmark speech this morning, Prime Minister Gordon Brown finally announced the end of British military combat operations in Iraq, and told massed ranks of reporters that the country was now officially "open for business". Speaking alongside...
Read full storySpoofer Stands In Indian Election
Naresh Singh Bhadouriya, the spoof superstar of India's burgeoning internet entertainment network who regularly hits daily viewing figures in excess of 100,000 on the Indian arm of the spoof empire is to run for President. Mister Bhadouriya, of Ut...
Read full storyPig Flu - The Global Response
As the entire world waits in dread anticipation of that first tell-tale sneeze, withering under the threat of a global pandemic which could see off millions, it's comforting to know that governments the world over are pitching in to do their bit to s...
Read full storySpoof writer is furious as his story becomes reality!
There is as saying that "the truth is a stranger than fiction" but now it could be said that "TheSpoof.com is no stranger than reality". It can be a frightening experience when you see an idea you once had, come to life. It also makes you wonder wh...
Read full storyTweed Needs Protection
Reports that convict Jack Tweed has suffered appalling abuse at the hands of 'Boy' George O'Dowd have been confirmed by sources at St. Edmund's Hill jail in Suffolk. "It has been a living nightmare for Jack," said a fellow prisoner. "It started on...
Read full storySiegfried Fishbacher Makes Regis Disappear
In a special one night performance in New York City, Siegfried Fishbacher did a one-man magic show to raise funds for a charity that he and his partner, Roy Horn have supported for years. Roy Horn was there, but sitting in the audience. After rece...
Read full storyObama sold on Chrysler's new concept car: "The Homer-Mobile"
Motor City - Saved by a government bailout for the second time by holding its employees hostage for a second time, the buzz around Capitol Hill is that Chrysler won over President Barack Obama with new concept car design they call: "The Obama-Mobile"...
Read full storySion Simon MP blames Susan Boyle and TheSpoof.com for downfall!
Sion Simon, MP and 'all round' pot to toss in, has claimed he was cajoled by imaginary writer Monkey Woods, to say unfunny and daft things about Caledonian Cutie Dame Susan Boyle. The Spoof-writer of notable but not great talent, implied Susie may...
Read full storyNew Book Says A-Rod Took Steroids Since High School
Alex Rodriquez may have bulked up with steroids as early as high school - and was suspected of juicing all the while he's been playing for the New York Yankees, a bombshell of a new book reports. Although the slugger insists he dabbled in steroids...
Read full storySwine Flu Causes Mexico To Shut Down All Cockfights
MEXICO CITY - The president of Mexico Nacho Winslow has mandated that due to the swine flu epidemic all cockfights, legal or illegal will be immediately terminated. Winslow spoke with Mango Rio Grande, the director of the The Mexican Cockfighting...
Read full storySwine Flu Latest: Kissing Banned In Mexico
There was pandemonium in Mexico today, when authorities in the capital, Mexico City, announced that, with immediate effect, kissing has been banned. The country has been identified as the epidemic epicentre of the Swine Flu outbreak catastrophe di...
Read full storySneezy From Seven Dwarves Dies Of Swine Flu
The worldwide swine flu pandemic has claimed another victim with the death of the lovable Sneezy from the Seven Dwarves, according to media reports. "All the signs were there, I don't know how I don't spot it sooner," said Doc, one of the remainin...
Read full storyWild Swine Flu Theories Going Around The World
Although most people are not panicking despite the Chicken Little approach adopted by virtually the entire world's media over swine flu and the World Health Organization's upgrade of the threat level to Defcon 5 or whatever, lots of theories are runn...
Read full storyPrice of Soap, Hand Sanitizer Rises
In the wake of the recent swine flu scare, many Americans have been rushing to their local supermarkets to purchase soap and hand sanitizer. The recent high demand for these products has caused the prices for these products to go up tremendously.
Read full storyKenyan Women go on a Sex strike!
Kenyan women have gone on a sex strike demanding their men be like the Somali pirates. The move came after 5 women were abducted by Somali men along the Kenyan coastline near Somalia. "Those guys look really skinny but have really tough hands" sai...
Read full storyH1N1: FDA fast-tracks generic knockoff of Tamiflu with "Tami-flew"
Madison Avenue, New York - Much like Tamiflu, "Tami-flew" works best as a security blanket for panic-minded as like the brand name, its effectiveness against H1N1 (the so-called swine flu) has yet to be medically proven. However, that is not stopping...
Read full storyJack Nicholson Created The Swine Flu Pandemic?
The swine flu virus was created in a lab at UCLA in Southern California, the Chiang Mai (Thailand) Post has learned. The virus was then picked up by CIA operatives who transported it to an out of the way farm in rural Mexico where the pigs were infec...
Read full storyDarling Decoded
After a week's detailed analysis, aided only by caffeine and barbiturates, it is now possible to bring you the unexpurgated, euphemism-free version of Alistair Darling's Budget speech: "Mr. Deputy Speaker, Honourable Members, and the scum in the public gallery, it is my sad duty to report that the nation is flat broke. Skint. Our finances are as sound as a council house roof. We have blown all...
Read full storySwine Flu Health Warning Leaflet
The UK Government's Regional Health Authorities have began sending out leaflets to householders throughout the UK relating to the impending Swine Flu Pandemic. The leaflets give comprehensive information regarding the Swine Flu. Below are just some of the recommendations given in the leaflet. DONT PANIC!!! (1) If you feel a tad under the weather it is with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that you h...
Read full storyDutch extreme right politician Geert Wilders invited by Obama to the Black House!
Geert Wilders the infamous Dutch extreme right politician who was refused entry into the mega-hypocritical UK has now been offered an official invitation by Obama to speak in front of the US senate. Obama feels that he was wrongly rejected by those t...
Read full storyObama Caught While Giving GM Some Head!
Washington, D.C. - Not since the days of Bill Clinton's cloakroom trysts has such a scandal rocked Washington. President Barrack Obama has been caught in a compromising position, giving GM some head. The financially troubled auto maker had recent...
Read full storyTime-of-the-Month 100 names and shames Zac Effrontery
New York - (Squalid Ass Mess): Time-of-the-Month magazine's eagerly awaited Top 100 Most Wannabe list has added teenage actor Zac Effrontery to its rankings. The 21 year-old High School Musical star was branded a deadbeat loser after two years of...
Read full storyNATO expels Russian Plutonium-210 accomplices
Brussels - (Rasputin Ass Mess): NATO military intelligence top brass has booted out two toxic Russian spooks after a radioactive con-trail from ex-KGB/Mossad turncoat Alexander Litvinenko RIP identified a crude cabal's attempt to seize EU snake oil a...
Read full storyDutch monarchy 'a train wreck'
Apeldoorn, Holland - (Freaky Ass Mess): Dutch monarchy hoaxer Queen Beatrix is in a state of shock after police said an ominous Queen's Day parade car crash was 'an inside job'. Beatrix, 69, and her ragbag of sycophantic royal wannabes escaped unh...
Read full storySilk Purse Manufacturer Goes Under
Designer silk purse maker Louis Hamvuitton has called in the receivers after failing to secure supplies of suitable raw materials. Trading standards officers have confirmed that they can no longer make their products from sows' ears due to constrain...
Read full storyHawking to star in Terminator Prequel
Esteemed Cambridge Academic, Professor Stephen Hawking is to star in a Hollywood blockbuster playing a rogue Terminator. Hollywood movie Director Bernie Barnett explained that "Stephen will be starring in "The One That Got away". This prequel...
Read full storyGovernment denies Swine fever masks cover-up
The government today vigorously denied claims that a mass issue of masks - ostensibly for the use of preventing the spread of swine fever - were in fact an attempt to cover-up the spread of panic amongst members of the government, which, it is claime...
Read full storyLiving Dinosaur found
A living member of the dinosaur family have been found in Pakistan and is pet to a 10 year old boy. The boy claims he found it as an egg in a berried cave near his village in rural Pakistan. He then placed it in an over to hatch and miraculously...
Read full storyBritish Swine Flu Girl Thanked By Schoolfriends
The British schoolgirl who, earlier this week, was diagnosed as having the Swine Flu virus, has been receiving cards and messages of thanks from many of her schoolfriends, who are glad of the extra time off from lessons that her illness has afforded...
Read full storySuicide Bomber: "I'm in it for the money and fame."
During an interview with a suicide bomber we were told that 'suicide bombing is freedom of expression and that all men are free to express themselves'. On further questioning we were told that 'some men want to leave with a bang'. We were also...
Read full storyChristian priest and Jewish rabbi caught having sex
A Christian priest and a Jewish rabbi we caught having sex inside a church. Both claimed that they had taken a vow of celibacy however Satan led them astray. They were actually having a debate on religion when both had a strong sexual urges findi...
Read full storyJesus Christ has returned
A man claiming to be Jesus Christ has gathered large crowds in Jerusalem. This man is claiming to the the Messiah and that the 'End is Near'. He is asking to have a press conference with all the leaders of the World. He has asked all Jews, Christ...
Read full storyEnd of times is here
Christian, Jew and Muslim scholars agree that the latest swine flu is the curse of God on mankind. 'Both the earthquakes and swine flu is proof that God is very angry with mankind' said a Jewish scholar. 'The end of times are here' said a Mus...
Read full storyFirst Human Cloning Factory Built
Scientists at CERN have defected and begun to build cloning machines. Because of their superior knowledge and supermotivation, the first cloning factory was built on the 30th of April, 2009, 30 seconds after the idea was conceived. "We're amazed...
Read full storyPoll: Nine Out Of Ten Americans Fear Pineapples
Look out swine flu, there's a new paranoia sweeping the nation. Pineapples are now the most feared fruit on earth, surpassed only by the pomegranite, and are causing panic worldwide. Pineapples are normally docile creatures, but can have large outbursts of outrage, jabbing anyone nearby with their sharp spikes. They sometimes branch off and form clumps of wild pineapples, which should not be ap...
Read full storyJohn McCain, the first hundred days
January 20 Watch on TV as that young punk Obama gets sworn in. They call me senile but he can't even get the oath right. Throw my glass of Metamucil at the screen. January 26 Al Gore called again wanting to commiserate over election loss. Boy, I hope I'm not that bitter eight years from now. Ask Cindy to order caller ID for our phone. February 2 Enjoy a break from work to wat...
Read full storyAdvisory from CRAP
Center for Responsible Appellation Policy RE: Erroneous and Misleading labeling of Influenza Outbreak It has come to the attention of the US Center for Responsible Appellation Policy (US CRAP) that the global porcine slander has become intolerable and reflects personal prejudice, not fact. Accordingly, new recommendations are being promulgated to more accurately reflect the source of this...
Read full storyMelissa Rivers To Sue Donald Trump For Firing Her
NEW YORK CITY - Melissa Rivers, the 41-year-old daughter of comedienne Joan Rivers was fired from "Celebrity Apprentice" by Donald Trump. Needless to say Melissa left, but she did not go easy. She walked out into the hall ranting and raving and de...
Read full storySwine Flu Epidemic Causes Vermont To Outlaw Handshaking
MONTPELIER, Vermont - The Vermont Senate reacting to an astounding statewide demand that the state do something to keep swine flu out of the state has just inacted Swine Flu Amendment 16-H. SFA 16-H strictly prohibits one individual from shaking t...
Read full storyCollege to Add Pornography Concentration
In a desperate effort to make money, a for-profit college Film and Photography college announced today that in addition to its usual photography and film making, it will now have a concentration in pornography. Like most for-profit schools, it has...
Read full storyPolice Protest Swine Flu
Law enforcement organizations around the world have herded together to denounce the association of the new worldwide influenza epidemic with pigs. Joining forces with the Pork Council, the originators of the new white meat ad campaign, police forces...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie's father catches the swine flu
Angelina Jolie's father is in the hospital after contracting the notorious swine flu. His life long friend Elton John addressed the media outside the hospital. After being notified of her fathers condition, Angelina Jolie rushed to the hospital to...
Read full storyFeminist in Afganistan infect the Taliban with swine flu
Afganistan - An Afghan feminist has reportedly infected herself with the swine flu in Mexico and carried it back into the ranks of the Taliban. The woman whose name is yet known is in a Kabul hospital. One report tells that there may be as many as...
Read full storyThe Last Templar Speaks
Washington DC: A Federal Communications Commission (FCC) panel was convened to hear testimony from the single holdout in the nation who has not upgraded his analog TV set to digital format. The FCC panel members were curious to know why Mr. Gates...
Read full storySwine Flu (H1N1): Man dies after taking counterfeit "Tamiflew" knockoff
Los Angeles, California - With all the supply of Tamiflu being horded by the swine flu panic buying or kept on the shelf and out of the medicine cabinet due to price gauging, some people in desperation have turned to cheep medical counterfeit knockof...
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