The new Poet Laureate has been announced by the Queen this morning, following the standing down of Andrew Motion.
However the predicted successor Carol Ann Duffy was left speechless (and indeed Rhyme-less) when it was announced that the actual new holder of the position would be TV host Jeremy Kyle.
It is believed that the Queen has become increasingly obsessed with his TV show on ITV, in which various idiots argue with each other and accuse each other of being the father of their children.
A spokesman for the Palace described how the Queen had aimed to give the position to someone who "really understands what is going on with the public at the moment, and can really talk to the poor".
Jeremy Kyle is said to be delighted at the announcement and is believed to be working on his first poem already, believed to be entitled "Get a job you lazy C*nt".