Written by Branded

Thursday, 30 April 2009


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Kenyan Women go on a Sex strike!
Somali pirates are skinny, but know how to work a woman!

Kenyan women have gone on a sex strike demanding their men be like the Somali pirates. The move came after 5 women were abducted by Somali men along the Kenyan coastline near Somalia.

"Those guys look really skinny but have really tough hands" said one of the women after being released by the pirates.

"forget the swine smell, they thought we were hurting.Hell NO, those skinny things took me to heaven and back" she added

"I have never experienced such a feeling before. They are so unique and have a third had in their groins which they used to poke me, but it was not painful" added another.

The women were speaking to the press after being released by the pirates who, according to the women have sworn never to abduct Kenyan women again.

"It was pointless keeping those women here" said one of the pirates in a twitter update.

"she kept begging me to beat her harder, it was so embarrassing for her to think that I had a third hand" he added.

On hearing this, thousand of Kenyan women took to the streets demanding their men to show them their third hands and declared a 30 day sex boycott until Kenyan men do so.

"It is either they confirm or we are off to Somalia" said Monica, the chairlady.

Apparently in Kenya, men use their third hands as a greeting tool for women. They usually flush it out when they meet a woman and say Hi!

Sex to them does not exist.

"I don't know why they [Kenyan men] don't do this things to us and yet I believe they also have a third hand that is BIGGER that those Somali pirates" she added.

"Our men just greet us and say Hi!"

"We want XES, We want XES, We want XES!" shouted the women.

"what the hell is XES, these women must be mad. How can they demand for something that don't exist. XES is a myth that only exists in Hollywood movies," said one member of parliament who is a man.

"We will not allow them to force us to loose our respect by inserting our hands inside some hole full of shit and urine. they must be mad!" he added.

Meanwhile, the Kenyan government has declared all the protesting women non-patriotic for demanding for things the country cannot afford.

"Let them protest or go to Somalia if they insist, we can use our hand to greet ourselves." said another member of parliament as he waved his third hand to one woman daring her to touch it!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more