Monday 6 October: worst astrological day (so far) of the 21st century
The Zodiac - (OMFG! Mess): Hellfire Club astrologers have warned this weekend about some bloody awful unfinished karmic business on Monday. A Libran Sun/retrograde Mercury conjunction forms a hideous square to Jupiter in Capricorn, tempting cosmic...
Read full storyFBI declares "Flip This House" TV Show of interest in sub-prime mortgage probe
Hollywood, California - A Constitutional showdown between "Flip This House" and the FBI is brewing, as the successful cable show is allegedly being investigated for having contributed to the mortgage-backed securities (sub-prime mortgages) meltdown.
Read full storyBritain's Pensioners Turn To Heroin
Britain's pensioners are turning to hard core drugs in droves to escape the gritty reality of their useless lives in today's society, a report has today revealed. Pensioners are hounding down dealers on sink estates asking for cut price heroin and...
Read full storyPope accused of Drink Driving
News has emerged today that Pope Benedict XVI was once accused of drink driving. Back in 1972 in Berlin, a young Cardinal Josef Ratzinger was driving his VW Beetle in a noticeably erratic manner. In Seine News interviewed Heinz von Ketchup, the p...
Read full storyObama Admits He's An Actor, Says Run For President 'Just A Joke'
Chicago Il - Barack Obama stunned the world today during a shocking interview with 'Meet The Depressed' on NBC. Mr. Obama said he is really an actor named Charlie Watts. His run for the presidency, he explained, was just a 'mockumentary' in the...
Read full storyPalin Privately Sees GOP Defeat And Plans On Exciting Post-Election Fireworks!
Our reporter was able to corral the ebullient Sarah Palin after her stunning showing at the Vice-Presidential debate this past week. The showdown between Biden and Palin had been predicted to be a 'trainwreck for Palin,' especially, by the most liber...
Read full storyFederer: "Nadal is shit and he smells"
In his own words, Roger Federer, today revealed his true feelings and his bitter resentment towards Rafael Nadal, his biggest rival. Interviewer: Thanks Roger for taking the time out Federer: No problem Roger. Interviewer: Um... so, Rafael Nadal the World Number One, how are you feeling as World Number Two? Federer: Great, never felt more confident. Frankly I think Nadal is shit and h...
Read full story"Black must become the new White" - says Race Relations Chief
Phillip Trevors, the £240,000-a-year chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission has spoken out against those who believe racial equality has already been achieved. "We are nowhere even close to equality" he is quoted as saying. He conti...
Read full storyJade Goody has media website closed down
Reality TV Queen Jade Goody has put up with much personal abuse over the years but has always endured it with good grace. However, her patience finally ran out today with a court order cutting the media bully 'Digital Lie' down to size. The site...
Read full storyHull City Now One Of The 'Big Four' After Tottenham Victory
Hull City, enjoying their first season in the top flight of English football, secured another three points with a convincing victory at White Hart Lane against Tottenham this afternoon, and confirmed their status as the newest of the 'Big Four'. C...
Read full storyFears Emerge over Bailout
Fears are emerging over the impending bailout of American homeowners, who are short on cash, by the American tax payer, who it seems have more money than they can spend and more money than they should ever get to have. The BIGGEST fear is with fo...
Read full storyOcain and McBama Show off their Planes!
Senator Obama has been showing off his new campaign plane "Air Change One" to all his friends. The state-of-the-art jet airliner has the latest in telepathy navigation: Senator Obama wears a special Blue Tooth, and at a moment's notice, as the whim...
Read full storyTreasury now wants to bail out foreign banks!
There has been a 21st century epiphanenomenal revelation by President Bush and Congress that the pocket of the American taxpayer is bottomless - almost even, some are whispering, as limitless in available cash as Oprah - even after a wild Saturday ni...
Read full storyThousands march in Sweden against globalization
Swedes by the tens of thousands are once again threatening to conquer the rest of Europe! This resurgence of vikingism is in response to the recent threat of invasion of globalizationists from the European Union, intent on globalizing Sweden thr...
Read full storyGordon Brown Introduces New Pole Tax
After plans to scrap the unpopular Council Tax were announced last week, Prime Minister Gordon Brown went on to unveil plans for a new tax to replace it, in order that Council funding could be maintained at current levels. The tax, provisionally n...
Read full storyGay Holiday Created By $700 Billion Bailout Bill
Washington DC-- Congress accidentally voted in a new federal holiday with the bailout package deal last week. The holiday is called Gay Day in honour of gay and lesbian Americans. The new holiday will follow Thanksgiving Day every year and everyone...
Read full storyChina, the new human right lover
Contrary to popular belief, it is a fact. 30 years ago, many Chinese died of starvation, did not have a roof over their head…Not anymore now. Are these the basic human rights? Why you're lied to. The media wants to create controversy to sell their stuffs. The politician wants to establish common enemy, so you ignore more important problems that they cannot fix. The offense companies...
Read full storyPopulation Boom of the Poor in the Philippines under control
Malacañang - Over the past 7 years, the Filipino poor population has nearly doubled, causing the country's top Population control groups to come up with the way to control it. The data is an exact opposite of the data gathered for the Filipino Upper...
Read full storyExperts Say US Economy "Between Iraq and a Hard Place"
Last week, the President of the United States appeared on national television, telling Congress that if they didn't immediately pass the $700 billion bailout, the entire US economy was likely to collapse. At the same time, John McCain appeared at the...
Read full storyDate for "Rich Aid" concert announced as Britain's richest suffer credit crunch
Sir Bob Geldolf has come to the rescue of Britain's wealthiest men as the credit crunch begins to affect their billions of pounds. "Rich Aid" is being held in the Dog and Duck pub in Islington and will be beamed live around the world next week to...
Read full storyCigarette packs to carry graphic picture warnings
To get kids to stop smoking, the government has mandated cigarette companies put scary pictures on all packs. Here's what some of the new pictures will look like: * Frightening close-ups of Yul Brenner's autopsy photos graciously left by the old actor after dying of lung cancer. * Frightening close-ups of severed limbs and heads strewn about the road after automobile accidents. * And...
Read full storyCouric interview shocker: Palin can't remember children's names
New York City, NY - In a previously unreleased segment of Katie Couric's recent interview with McCain running mate Sarah Palin, Couric asked Palin about her children and how they would react if Mommy was vice president of the United States. Palin initially denied she had any children, but when pressed, admitted that they did exist. Couric: Why would you say you don't have any children when you...
Read full storyPresident Bush Suffers Nervous Breakdown
President Bush was rushed to Walter Reeed Hospital, having collapsed after giving a letter to a CNN reporter during a press conference. The letter states the following: "My Fellow Americans, I've come to realize I might be the worst President in the history of the United States. Yes, I had so much power and I've squandered it. I've wasted your hard earned tax dollars on a war to nowhere.
Read full storyMan Buys Sofa for Full Price, Retail Downturn in Tailspin
Consumer confidence has hit an all time low in Britain with the announcement from home furnishings giant DFS that a man bought a sofa for full price over the weekend. Corporate spokesperson Polly Urethane broke the bleak news in an interview with...
Read full storyLarry King Interviews Somali Pirate
Now that the Somali pirates have become more and more audacious in their hijacking endeavors, it was only a matter of time before they became the much-sought-after "darlings" of global news media personalities. So far, these pirates have captured ships, tanks, and a gaggle of the latest Jolie-Pitt adoptees. One of the most charismatic and daring of these pirates is Abdul 'The Seahawk' Kissamab...
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