Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 5 October 2008

image for Gordon Brown Introduces New Pole Tax
'Ere, chew on this!

After plans to scrap the unpopular Council Tax were announced last week, Prime Minister Gordon Brown went on to unveil plans for a new tax to replace it, in order that Council funding could be maintained at current levels.

The tax, provisionally named the Pole Tax, will be levied against every current UK resident that originally hails from Poland.

There are currently more than 8million Poles living in the UK, and Polish has become the second most-popular language in Britain after Arabic. The tax, which is thought will be set at around £150 per month, should balance the loss of revenue from the abandoned Council Tax.

Thousands of Poles immediately showed their anger at the news. They took to the streets, parks and shopping centres, as normal, and hung about in dawdling groups, lazing about, chewing cabbage and speaking gibberish to pigeons. Other members of the public looked on, without commenting, save for the odd 'tut-tut'.

Most regular, white Anglo-Saxon-looking people seemed happy with the news though.

One group of tattoed, drunken, unemployed teenagers in Peterborough told our reporter:

"Wot?"

Their boyfriends looked embarrassed, but stayed silent, appearing fearful.

The Pole Tax is to take effect immediately, and will be backdated to the time of the Pole's entry into the UK, whether that was by plane, coach, ferry or back-of-lorry.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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